A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE: philosophical essays

And what if one day … after stop loving someone that you liked so, so much … you decide to replace that big whole from your soul with loving all the people from the timeline of your life?!
       
       
       Today i believe that to understand the life itself we need to experience … love … in whatever form it might appear to us.
       
       It sounds weird, or even as a total nonsense … but in the end … following the paths of life …. I always realized that everything comes by itself.
       
       Not so long time ago, before becoming 40 …. I heard lots of strange ideas about the change is happening in man’s perspective about life … the next second he comes to this age.
       
       In fact … the truth is that only 2 versions worth to be mentioned … and i saw that at all my friends that had this age.
       
       One theory was that we start to have all types of medical problems … and the other one was that the man starts to be obsessed by love … love stories …. and all the women from the timeline of his life.
       
       
       
       
       
       I never had medical problems in my life … so i totally ignored the first theory ….and on another hand, working in sales for more than 20 years … i met thousands of ladies … but never had the intention to cheat my wife.
       
       So … i totally ignored both theories, but just few days before becoming 40 … a very beautiful lady … appeared in my life.
       
       She was the most unexpected person i could dream that i would start a love story with … but … it happened.
       
       The theory was right … or at least one of it.
       
       I fell in love … with that amazing soul … and i started to write all my feelings and everything related to us.
       
       I wrote so much … that one day i realized that i published 10 books carrying the word … love … inside of the title.
       
       But … same as any other story from the history of the human being … my love story had a beginning, the story itself …. and the end.
       
       Today … looking back in time, i see just the 10 books i wrote … but i would not like to read them again.
       
       Never …
       
       In my last book about love stories … “Loving, but not understanding where the love goes” … the last 2 essays i wrote tell everything it was in my heart and soul … “I miss you a lot, but i don’t want you back in my life! Never again!”
       
       … and “Awakening can be obtained at the end of the love story!”.
       
       I left the love story dissatisfied of all happened … but still … i was chasing for love.
       
       Getting back into her arms … was useless.
       
       I knew it … and even if i lied myself for such a long time … she was the same as my wife … a shrew … or at least this is
       
       
       
       how i saw both of them.
       
       I decided to let my life continue … near my family, totally forgetting the love story …. but still not ignoring my huge desire for … love.
       
       The smaller kid ….told me one day while arguing with my wife … “ You are not allowed to leave us. You are our parents and you don’t have the right to do that.”
       
       Ignoring those words … was equal with betrayal.
       
       …. A huge one.
       
       So i remained near my wife and kids … doing my duty, understanding the dharmic side of life … but still something was whispering me all the time …”love, love, love, love … love ….”
       
       I thought i need to find another lady … but my wife was paying attention now to any small detail … so i could not repeat the love story i had with that crazy lady.
       
       I was meditating a lot.
       
       On the scene of my life, i met lots of other people in the same situation as myself … that ended the love story and …. somehow started to be in a relationship with themselves.
       
       They discovered a new path …. the one of self love.
       
       But i did not know anything about the subject … and not even wanted to bother becoming more profound and connected to myself.
       
       I actually did not wanted to start a new relationship either …. with someone else … either with myself.
       
       I knew i needed something else into my life… but did not understood the new path i need to follow.
       
       And i continued … searching.
       
       On and on …. and on.
       
       One day … a year ago … while having a fire at one of my properties … a heart appeared on the roof of the building.
       
       Everyone saw the heart … except myself.
       
       Later on … i saw it in the pictures taken by the people that were there at the time.
       
       Again …. I thought that i should find a new mistress and have a parallel life again … without my wife to find out.
       
       But … i was wrong.
       
       So … damn wrong.
       
       Time passed and … and the russian-ukrainian war began … and i started to host lots of refugees.
       
       There were people that needed unconditional love and support … and i somehow connected to the all of them … realizing that i can be in a weird love story with all those women coming from Ukraine.
       
       They were ladies of different age and personality … but i loved having them into my life.
       
       I somehow started to understand that even if i thought that being in love can have only 2 options … loving a soulmate …. or yourself … i finally saw a totally new path …. and that was being in a lovely relationship … practicing another type of love …. with anyone was appearing in my reality.
       
       That of course … could not offend in any way my wife …. and also could not affect the marriage i had … but …
       
       Yes …. It was … an amazing trick … and i just loved it.
       
       I finally understood what Dalai Lama or Pope Francis were saying … about … unconditional love for all the people from this world.
       
       Reading their books … i even had moments when i thought the 2 of them were idiots …. but i was the idiot one.
       
       My marriage … was indeed karmic … having nothing to do with love … but my youngest son learnt me the meaning of … dharma.
       
       My mistress … which even if i loved so, so much … but don’t even want to hear her name again … taught me … what love … means.
       
       She was somehow a combination between karma and love … and saw her at the end of our love story more as a teacher …. than a soulmate.
       
       Most probably i have totally different values as those 2 shrews … my wife and my mistress … but i am happy i met the ucrainian ladies.
       
       The abstract love story i started with them …. all of them … no matter of age, personality, perspectives of life … was a much better path for continuing my life journey.
       
       I finally understood that if i would know to connect to the people that appear on the timeline of my life … and love them unconditionally…. somehow that love that i was chasing so, so much … since i was a kid … will come back to me in infinite quantities.
       
       I was looking for love … and i had to see the meaning of love story … from a totally different perspective.
       
       But … now everything was clear to me.
       
       I knew what i had to do … and which path to follow.
       
       My expectation was as my wife to love me …. but she was a karmic character that i could not replace … or my mistresses to love me unconditionally…. but she was the teacher that made me realize what the concept of love … means.
       
       My life journey … had to continue … and the ucrainian ladies showed me such a beautiful perspective … i never thought about.
       
       I was glad … of this awakening moment.
       
       So … loving you?! … loving me?! … or … simple loving any soul that appears in our lives?!
       
       Well … maybe from my position where i am now … being in a love story with everyone … is probably the best scenario i could live.
       
       Am glad i see things today … as that.
       
       Might be your perception … or not.
       
       Might sound as a total nonsense all what i am writing …. but maybe it will be much interesting to hear weird ideas … than the boring ones.
       
       So … let the journey begin … and we will see if i succeed to really connect to my real self … so … that i can find the inspiration to express myself clear enough … that in the end you will try at least one time … this kind of abstract love story … being in love with all the people from your life.