It happened that in the last time Will was trying to start a new love story with Emma.
But after 2 years … still … nothing happened.
It’s not that in that time he did not any other dates … but he was still dreaming about her.
Talking to me …. Will suddenly realized that that he don’t
even have her phone number.
Had thousands of numbers in his mobile phone … but he never saw that a very important one is missing.
They were actually talking for years … but treated their relationship into a theoretical way.
It was nice communicating one with another … but the real meeting was always delayed.
And my friend … but also Emma … keep wondering
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
80
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
themselves … how a relationship between the 2 of them would look like?!
Was it a good connection?!
or just looked like a good one?! Would everything come by itself?!
What if the connection just looked perfect … and in fact it was no connection at all?!
Why was she afraid to meet him for real … besides the fact that they were both married?!
But the final question Will had for me was … should we analyze and define a connection with another soul … if we don’t have the chance to interact with that person in the real world?!
Well … the truth was that they liked each other.
The long talks on chat … the looks from the few occasions when they met in traffic … everything was saying that it was something interesting between the 2 of them … but … why should we bother to define everything into a theoretical way
when we can taste life for real?!
Having the guts to live … to enjoy the beautiful connections with the other souls is actually an experience that we should have … anytime the chance is appearing to us.
Yes … i have to admit it … analyzing and defining it … without tasting the connection … is useless …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
81
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
Unfortunately sometimes
a perfect case scenario is ending up because of stupidity …
We lose so much time defining and dreaming about perfect case scenarios …. but somehow we always fail when it really happens.
And saw it for real … on the timeline of my life, but also had been seeing so many people around me … living the same scenario.
Sometimes … it was repeated on and on and on … but we cannot really understand what is happening.
I also believe that in fact we cannot accept that perfect case scenarios can be part of our lives …. and if it happens we treat it as an illusion that we must get rid of.
And we start to let our stupid side … to fuck up everything is going on.
Not believing that what happens can be real … we act in a way that redefines that scenario. We simple … act so stupid.
We .. betrayal … and we do so, so many other things … that destroy the beauty of that connection … till the moment when the only thing left to do is … leave that story.
I smile remembering my philosophical talks with my dear friend Clara …. when i was telling her about a beautiful love story ended because of her betrayal … but also of what i used
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
82
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE philosophical essays
to define as … her stupidity.
Clara smiled listening to me …. but replied so ironic … “Yes!
This is how all the women are … stupids. And we love betrayal.”
I could not believe that she agrees with me … then … later on … i saw the irony.
Most probably she was right.
Both men and women …. act stupid on the scene of life.
And being so naive … i thought that only the women do that … but the men … were acting the same.
The human mind …. even if loses so, so much time making
plans, defining so many beautiful scenarios … has not the
ability to enjoy the life itself.
We are … ridiculous…
Perfect case scenarios can be real … but … we are so, so silly to connect to them … cause when it happens … we start dreaming of another perfect case scenario … not knowing to stop and taste that moment of perfection …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
83
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
Driving to … nowhere …. my private destination
She loved to drive … and also loved her beautiful car.
In fact every time i saw her with a good vibe … it was when she was driving … listening to beautiful music.
And i kept wondering myself if it was because of the vibes induced by her car … or maybe it was the music?!
But i somehow realized that i was doing the same thing. In fact … it was kind of a hobby … driving to nowhere … everyday.
I was analyzing my dear friend Emma, but it was like i was actually looking in a … mirror.
We looked so much alike … as souls.
Driving … somehow was similar for us … with running away … and the vibe of music gave us the gut to …. to do it. But still … we were acting so … silly.
Nowhere …. was not a real destination … even if for us
became … a hobby.
I was chatting few times a day with her … and i was smiling all the time when i was seeing the similarities between the 2 of us, even if somehow it looked like she was living in a parallel universe …. cause we never succeeded to meet.
One day … while meditating … and thinking of Emma … trying to understand her … and still having the hope that i will understand myself also … i realized that “going to nowhere”
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
84
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
was actually a hidden desire of searching for … our lost souls.
I was smiling while i was watching Emma … cause it was so damn easy to look, analyze and define her …. but when i was coming back to myself … i’ve been so blind …
So … Emma became my teacher … for deeply understanding this daily nonsense journey that looked like i was looking for
nothing.
And to be honest … and tell you the truth … i loved to watch her ….
I was admiring her beauty … realizing that probably the day when i will see her stop going to nowhere … being actually a mirror of myself … i will see my life changed also. … or at least this is what i hoped …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
85
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
“When it comes about sex … please remember i have a bed at home too. So … use your fantasy better … “
Long time ago … i had the chance to meet an amazing lady from Berlin …Ella.
She was blond … and very, very beautiful.
If i would cheat my wife … i’d love to do it with her.
100% i won’t feel sorry for that.
But you see … somehow me and Ella became great friend … and we had the chance to define together how a woman and a man sees the world.
Totally different… perspectives that i never thought about … and it was really helpful for me to understand from her … the feminine way of seeing the life itself.
One day me and Ella started to talk about … cheating … but also about totally redefine things when we start a new relationship.
She wanted to hear my opinion about … why do we cheat and … why should we look for the same things that we have at home also.
Or … why should we start a new love story that is looking a lot with the last one?!
Ella was smiling saying ironically to me “Listen! Let’s hypothetical imagine that i would want to cheat my boyfriend with you …. and i am sure you would love this example.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
86
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
So … by cheating … we understand most of the times … having sex.
But when it comes about sex … please remember i have a bed at home too.
So … use your fantasy better … my dear Gabriel. And now the questions are … why should i cheat my boyfriend doing with you the same things that i do with him
or why should i start a real relationship with you … in the same parameters like with him?!
And when i am telling you all those things …. I am speaking like a woman … from a feminine perspectives.
Maybe my crazy side would tell me one day to do it … but i would love to be totally different.
I would dare to say that i dream to have sex in the car … in a forest … or maybe in the parking from the mall.
Or … in the elevator.
Somehow …. my wild side is saying … everything needs to be totally different.
Otherwise … what sense should it make?!
I know you are dreaming about a fantasy with me … since the first moment we’ve met … but … try to make an effort … and use your fantasy better.
Think different … otherwise it’s all a total nonsense.” I started to laugh … hearing Ella.
“Your example is …. so fucking nice.
I love …. your theories … and i do understand that it’s all a philosophical game … all what you are saying.
You are right.
But we are non sense practicians.
And it’s not about cheating … even if it is such a good
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
87
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
example all what you just said.
The worst part is that we don’t see the meaning of the past relationships.
We just can’t see it.
We don’t understand the meaning of the sex in the car … in the forest … or in the parking from the mall. We forget about adrenaline …
Yes … we are so fucking idiots … starting new stories on and on and on … but acting in the same boring way.
I am a writer that writes fantasy … and i am so damn silly that i dreamed of having sex with you … but totally ignored the concept of adrenaline and its meaning.
We are boring creatures … acting in a repetitive way on and
on and on.”
Ella was right.
I finally got her message … which by the way was not about sex, but about how borings we are as creatures.
We know the theoretical concepts about … fantasies … but we act just repeating old stories on and on and on.
Ella had spoken on my language … telling me about sex … defining my silly fantasy with her … but reminding me that we always forget … to start acting differently.
Or maybe we should allow ourselves … be wild … at least from time to time.
Cheating is not so immoral as it might look like … but it’s somehow about bringing a new type of energy into our relationships … an energy that we usually don’t know how to control … and we even end up being dominated by it.
What we define as immoral by thousands of years is actually the fact that most certainly we might bring bad vibes at
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
88
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE philosophical essays
home … but for all the ones that know how to deal with energies … everything is seen totally different.
Today … i personally believe that what we named as immoral … starts to be seen as a nonsense.
Well … there are lots of voices that will say something against my affirmations … but … i strongly feel that i know what i am talking about.
You see … all stories …. even if they start in a good way …
unfortunately the time is eroding everything.
And what used to be a positive story that was bringing us good vibes no matter what was going on …. becomes a story that is showing us the negative side of life.
So … how everything continues?!
Well …. the individual is running away … in someone else’s
arms … for a short time … but ….
And the feeling is so … damn good.
Feeling alive again … in fact feeling that amazing energy of the beginning …
Then that person is coming back.
With a great vibe … we even have the hope that … the relationship from home can be somehow reinvented … cause we just remembered how it was the beginning. The meaning of cheating was mainly … a reminder.
It all looked so immoral, but after 2-3 times it all looks like some private lessons about how to manage things so that you can keep a beautiful relationship with the partner. And i am laughing writing and reading … that.
But after analyzing and defining so many situations like that …. my perspectives were totally redefined.
I somehow understand that no one would cheat if everything
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
89
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE philosophical essays
would be ok … in the story with the partner.
And truth be told cheating will always be a way of … surviving.
An escape … that is bringing a totally different energy.
In the end it all becomes a story of dealing with energies. But can energies be redefined?!
Can we bring the right ones for the couple?!
What is the best way we should act in life?!
Should we accept cheating as an option?!
Or … just define it as immoral … and reject dealing with those energies, hoping that the time will somehow redefine everything for us into a positive way?!
Well … the questions look so contradictory and i don’t even want to hear all the answers …
They will be so, so … different … and actually annoying for listening all those theories.
The truth is …. that there is no absolute truth.
What we define as immoral… cause we’ve been taught like that from thousands of years ago … might be a thought that needs to be redefined.
Anchored a in a certain energy … being maybe the prisoner of it …. cheating becomes an option that allows us to restart
ourselves … to understand the game of energies … and to learn how we can redefine our lives … cause a big part of this story called life means …. the relationship with that person that might be or not … the real soulmate.
Or maybe we are in the life …. when karma and dharma are
more important as anything else … so being always in the “wrong story” … is just a silly perspectives … not realizing what is actually going on.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
90
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE philosophical essays
So …. I would even say today … with lots of courage that
cheating can be medicine … very good for most of the relationships … cause we know that many of them simple … don’t work.
“Changing … the air” … just a little bit … will probably redefine everything, but it’s only your decision if you take from those episodes the good or the bad vibes …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
91
A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE
philosophical essays
Just let the silence … begin
There are lots of times when we feel that we lost control on everything means our lives.
And we try to solve all those problems …. but it’s all useless.
No matter what we should try … nothing is improving the situation.
Just saw few minutes ago a movie on tik tok with a dear friend of mine.
She was at the beach, drinking champagne and waiting as her lover to come and join her.
Her last few months were just … horrible.
Lots of problems in her carrier, with some close friends … and even with that person that she loved so much.
She tried more and more … to redefine all those things that she did not liked in her life, but still … all the efforts were in vain.
