I once wrote a book with the title “Analyze … define … redefine” … but i could not define very well a stomachache….
Even a 5 years child could define better that type of pain … … but not me.
Meditating … i started to smile.
And i was wondering … how many other times i did the same thing … on and on and on?!
How many times into my life … i was taking the wrong decisions?!
Why i don’t know to define “my pain”?!
Why am i so silly?!
Why i don’t choose the “right medicine” … and i continue life in a miserable way?!
Why do i accept the pain … when it’s so damn simple to define it … and find a “pill” for it?!
Well … maybe … i am just … idiot … Hahahaha
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
90
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
Redefine your deep intentions
and all you dislike today will totally change into a positive way
I had lots of moments into my past when i disliked my reality.
I felt the presence of karma into my life … so … so … powerful.
And i … disliked it.
For such a long, long time.
I was actually living the opposite of what i had in mind for my life.
Something was wrong … but i felt behind all this … it’s all an illusion.
I thought i was mastering the law of attraction …. but the
Universe was laughing behind my back.
On and on and on.
Karma was fucking my reality.
When everything was perfect … all the time something was happening … and it was all spoiled.
I defined myself as a practician of the law of attraction … but i was ending all the time into a scenario when everything was fucked up.
I got what i wanted …. but the Universe was not allowing me
to enjoy all that.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
91
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
It all became so … illusory and indeed i was living … a karmic illusion.
I wrote the book “Analyze. Define. Redefine” … but as any other theoretician i was not able to apply the concepts from my writings.
I had absolutely no intention of changing anything at all.
I could not admit that my intentions were wrong … or at least part of them.
I somehow believed that all what i was doing … was perfect
ignoring the concept that all i was living into this life was a reflection of my soul and my way of acting on the scene of life.
So … believing it s all perfect … i had actually no desire of doing anything to change my deep intentions.
I believed i can fool the Universe …. but i was living so many karmic episodes … that i had enough.
And still …. into such an illusory way …. I continued being stubborn … and not even think about a … deep change. Of course … my life continued …. but dominated on and on and on …. by karmic forces.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
92
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
Defining the others on and on and on … we actualy realize one day that … we define our unconscious side
Have you even wondered what is the difference between defining and … gossiping?!
But why are we so good on talking about the others and not so good when it comes about defining ourselves?!
I keep asking myself … what is behind this need of looking at the others?!
Of analyzing mainly their dark side …
That one is … stupid.
The other one is … crazy.
That cashier from the supermarket … is just one idiot that has the main purpose … to fuck my vibe … And the discussions … goes on and on and on.
But only about … ugly things.
In one point it all becomes ridiculous… because all we do is analyze and define x, y …. z … and talk about that with all the people around.
It all becomes so damn … illusory.
Time made me understand that … any kind of behavior on the scene of my life … will somehow have a later effect over myself … into a good or bad way.
But how the hell gossiping will have any effect over
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
93
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
ourselves?
I personally ignored the answer … for such a long, long time … continuing to gossip.
Well … until one day when i realized that i was actually not talking about x, y, z … but about my dark side.
I was defining myself into an unconscious way … believing so illusory that i talk about the others …. and not about my own soul.
I realized i was seeing everywhere … just what i dislike at myself … and i could not stop myself talk about that … on and on and on.
It was … ridiculous… all what i was doing.
So … illusory …
Well … maybe i was just afraid … to admit that all what i saw when i opened my eyes … was a reflection of that person that i really was.
X, y, z … were illusory … or maybe my shadows that i tried to define by such a long, long time.
But how could i be so idiot to define the shadows?! Those forms were so … irrelevant …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
94
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
Sometimes it looks as a mistake … but it’s just a weird way of opening the door to a new beautiful path of life …
A friend of mine told me long time ago a story about her close friend … which had a weird car accident.
She was with her husband …. and the gentleman that
crashed her car … was in the company of his wife.
They argued a lot in the middle of the street and not finding a solution … they had to go at the Police. But there … surprise.
Being so many accidents into that day … it was so damn crowded that their partners decided to come back home at the kids … and let them there …. to complete all the papers.
Remaining alone Tim and Jesica … started to speak to each other … being a little bit more calmer after the accident … realized that they actually have a great connection. And guess what?!
Like into an american movie … they ended that day in a hotel room … making love … and continuing for years their love affair … really being happy together.
So … i somehow conclude that even behind bad things that are happening … the real purpose … even if it does not look like so … is to open new doors to … new beautiful chapters of our lives.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
95
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
You might dislike the fact that i write about immoral things … like a love affair … but i still believe that whatever the Universe allows to happen … has a clear purpose … that we should accept and embrace.
We can define this real story from 100 perspectives … but … Well … it all makes sense in the end … but we need to be very opened mind …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
96
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
We should care a little bit about tomorrow
but not so, so much the day after tomorrow
I always had plans.
Lots of plans.
Since i was a kid … i was dreaming about the future.
It was nice dreaming … until one day when dreaming … became synonym with worrying.
I started to ask myself too much … what if something will go wrong?!
My mind became dominated of dreams and plans … and little by little my soul became a collection of non ending … fears. I was a simple ordinary persons … and dreaming became … unfortunately … a bad habit.
My mind and soul … became too worried.
All those plans and dreams … were so damn illusory … and i knew it … but …
I could not stop myself of thinking of the future.
I knew it was … useless … but …
I was worry about tomorrow.
About the day after tomorrow.
About … next year.
But also about … next years.
I had hope related with my dreams … but i was also living
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
97
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
with the fear inside of my soul.
I felt … the illusion … behind of those plans … but … i could still not stop myself.
And i continued like that for years.
So, so many years in a row.
Well … until one day when i somehow realized that the shadow of my dreams … were my fears … and i believed that dreaming and also worrying … in the same time … it’s … ok.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
98
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
All those karmic events were
about … the masks i wore into my past
I was into a restaurant.
The walls had everywhere venetian masks … with so, so many expressions … of the human being.
I saw the angriness, the happiness, the sadness … the joy ….
and all the other feelings … we cary into our souls.
I identified myself with all those …. masks.
But now … my question was … what was the damn connection between the karmic events from my life and those masks?!
Was there any connection at all?!
I was eating my pizza … looked again and again … analyzing all that … and my mind was meditating on and on and on … So … is my karma related with my masks that i was wearing into my past?!
Is it a strong connection between those 2 facts?
I smile …
I smile each time when i see an angry person talking to me
cause i was angry with so many persons during my lifetime.
Those angry masks came back from the past and … giving bad vibes to my reality.
And .. i also realize that there’s not so many happy faces on
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
99
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
the actual timeline of my life.
I see this spectrum of emotions and feelings … and i start to understand its meaning.
Its the … echo … coming back from my past.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
100
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
Remember each time when you feel the fear presence deep into your soul … that it’s all an illusion
I am spending lots of time … thinking.
I even have moments when i define myself as a … thinker.
But i smile realizing the illusion of that.
I smile cause i see that this habit of thinking … by analyzing all the time the world around myself … made me realize that not really understanding the meaning of everything … i induce myself all types of illusory nonsense fears.
Weeks later, looking back in time … analyzing again … i understand that instead of becoming much wiser … and connect with the world around myself into a friendly way … i allowed the fear to dominate my soul. Then i remember that it’s all … an illusion.
And i become conscious of it.
I smile again … but this time in front of what i finally see as an … illusion … induced by my own mind.
The process of thinking …. which i found almost as a virtue …
was actually not allowing me to have a beautiful life.
cause i believed that all what my mind is telling me it’s true.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
101
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
We have so contradictory perceptions …. sometimes
in the same time
My son showed me a very nice painting done by himself. Then he started to explain me the meaning of that painting … and i’ve been amazed of all those details that he was telling me about.
And what surprised me even more is that the painting itself was splinted into 2 paintings … sending somehow 2 contradictory perceptions.
Or it was maybe the expression of what we name … the duality of life.
I saw it as contradictory … but yes … maybe i had to see it more related with the concept of … duality.
I looked again at the painting … and i am amazed that a child of 8 is much deeper as myself … understanding, but also expressing everything …. much easier than myself.
For a second i even had the tendency to ask him … if he knows about the fact that all those perceptions are … illusory
but he was so happy explaining everything that … i stoped myself …
I read so many books of philosophy, but my son that did not even knew what philosophy was … looked like he knew more
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
102
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
than myself.
But … you know why?!
Well … maybe he was not so influenced of the outside world … like i’ve became.
He saw the world … throw the eyes of his own intuition ….
comparing with myself that i had into my mind so many illusory contradictory concepts that i’ve read in all those books …
My son had the privilege … not to be influenced and dominated by the outside world … or at least not yet.
He was splitting his painting into 2 paintings, defining the day and the night … somehow feeling and understanding duality very, very well.
It was a painting that was expressing his vision over life … as a very young soul … but was 100% much better as myself … doing that.
I was always writing on and on and on about my contradictory perceptions which were present into my mind … but …
Well …. most probably … i was allowing over the years as so
many energies … came from so, so many directions … to dominate my soul.
My son was expressing …. the duality of life.
I became an expression of … dualities.
And i was defining this on and on and on.
If someone would ask me … what are my books about … i would probably have to say … being honest enough … that it’s all a collection of … contradictions.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
103
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
My perceptions of life … was so damn illusory … or maybe all those karmic events from my life …. made me simple lose … my compass.
So … maybe i should redefine a little bit myself as a writer … or think about becoming … a painter.
I also remember i once wrote a book called … “The painter that never paints”.
That could probably define me much … much … better.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
104
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
Smile … and allow the karmic stories to … end. That is probably … the best
Recently some people had to somehow … leave from my life.
I smiled … and said … ok.
I was karmic for them … or at least this is what i believe … cause i had to help them with something and be on their side for 100% … in a very difficult time of their lives. And one day they simple decided to leave.
They could not find the proper words to say it …. but i just
knew other people need me … and those stories went to an end.
I knew i had to allow as the stories to … simple … stop.
I knew that this is probably … the best option.
Today i believe we have some karmic contracts with the people from the stage of our lives … and once we do what we have to do, accomplishing the contract … we can just end that connection.
Sometimes we don’t like it … but …
Well … recently i started to realize that other people are waiting for me …. so … i need to adapt myself on this idea.
But also allow to experience new connections with other people.
Allow in fact to myself experience all what i have to experience into this lifetime.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
105
IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION … A KARMIC ONE
He was dreaming of her
