I still don’t know in which category i am ... cause i sometimes have contradictory standards.
Adrian G Dumitru
68
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
The repetitive messages ... the way the
Universe tells you again and again and again ... the same thing.
It happened to me so many times to live the same lessons of life ...
on and on and on.
It was like i was understanding ... but still i was continuing to make the same mistakes.
The repetitive message carries inside a message behind the message ... and i knew it by such a long time ... but still i was doing ... nothing.
My mental software identified myself with the victim stage ... and this kept me prisoner in a life style that never brings something great to me.
Sometimes i have good days, sometimes ugly ones ... but i was seeing the statistic of living the same events on repeat mode, as a simple coincidence.
One day, a dear friend, that understands energies very, very well ... asked me ... “But why do you think this is not happening to me, but only to you?! Why do you refuse to open your eyes and prefer to be prisoner in this world full with victims all over the place?!”
I was smiling ... cause i knew what she was saying, but i always wanted her to confirm me what i already know.
And she continued ... “I know you by few years and i saw the way things happened. You know the message ... but can’t understand why you don’t adapt yourself on the path of change for a new life. A beautiful one.
All you need to do is ... just open your eyes and heart” I understood her message ... but i continued to be blind.
Adrian G Dumitru
69
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
It was like i felt stuck in a mental position and i can’t do anything about it.
But the messages came to me daily ... and i was pretending i was not seeing them.
You see ... the Universe is only whispering ... but is your choice to decide if you also see a message behind a message or you ... think this is just the way the things are happening.
Adrian G Dumitru
70
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
My disease?!
Well ... i have the decency to admit that i want everything just for myself. But what’s wrong with that?!
Aren’t we all want the same?!
Just the best for us ... and nothing more?!
I’ve met a friend on Sunday.
He was with his girlfriend and i’ve asked them:
“How are you my dear friends?!”
They look to each other and replied:
“We go to the mall to donate some money for a guy that has leukemia”
“Hmm! Is he your friend?!”
“No” the girl said.
“But you know him?!”
“No”
“So is not your friend and you don’t know him, but you go and donate money for him”.
“Yes. Is something wrong?!”
“No” i said and i left.
I understood something is wrong with me.
Both .. him and her ... were simple people and probably they donated 50-100 dollars, but the fact that they did it is very important.
50-100 dollars is not much, i know, but for them is still an important amount.
Adrian G Dumitru
71
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
That defined them into my eyes into a positive way, but i could not understand the fact that i was amazed that they donated money for someone that they don’t even know.
It was a negative component of my personality that i started to see, but i was not finding a way of making a change for me.
To go and donate money for someone else, especially when you can do it, even if it is not a person you actually know ... is a decision that comes from yourself.
The fact that i was amazed ... was telling everything.
After meditating 2-3 days in a row ... made me understand that i am just following in life the paths of my own interests and nothing more. Is that ok?!
Well ... let’s say is normal ... dogmatic.
It was normal 2000 years ago and is normal today also.
But i just hate the word ... “dogmatic”.
For me is almost the synonym of ... prison.
And indeed i realized i spent my life in the prison of my own interests and i can’t find a way out.
Everything in my life is just about ... me and nothing else. So ... i could do what?!
Just watch the fact that i have an addiction for my own interests?! Well ... at any kind of addiction is important to admit you have the addiction.
It does not mean you will get rid of the addiction ... but it’s a start if you really want to change your life.
And i continued to meditate ... how silly i am, but at least ... today ...
i am aware of that.
Adrian G Dumitru
72
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
You can run, but you can’t hide ... when it comes about the meeting with yourself
I noticed and been noticed by someone else also that i run all day long.
But it was difficult to answer why do i do it?!
Why do i run all the time?!
I do that and that ... and i go there and there and there. The final result?
Well ... no real result ... but chaos.
I was creating an energy field, defined by chaos ... and generated chaos all around me, even if i knew the theory and i actually had to do the opposite.
I wanted harmony in my life, but i also had an addiction for chaos and i could not find a way to change everything and follow the path to a beautiful life.
But few days ago, it happens i met a guy, with a strong message for me ... that came through the internet ... and rented an apartment. He was a guy close to 50, coming to our area just to meet a lady and stay at me 1-2 months to be with her. The apartment was a total mess.
I forgot to ask someone to come and clean it, but it was ok for him.
Said just that he will clean everything and he did it.
But he was disappointed only by one thing .... that we did not had tv
cable in there.
The apartment was before an office and this was the reason why we did not had cable and the fact that i was not watching tv changed my view about that thing ... considering it unimportant.
Adrian G Dumitru
73
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
I was amazed that the guy was not disappointed about the fact that the apartment was not cleaned ... but the fact that he will not be able to watch tv.
I had to solve the problem right away, but not being possible as the tv cable company to instal it right away ... i had to manage things by talking to him ... just to delay everything.
So ... i asked why is so important the tv?! ... cause i just can’t understand.
The guy looked at me and replied ... “I will stay in here in the apartament for 1-2 months, waiting for the lady to come back from work ...but it will be like staying in a prison. Just me and my thoughts.
It will kill me to stay like that.”
I smiled, cause is much easier to understand the message when you see what’s going on with someone else.
The guy needed a tv just to get rid of his thoughts.
I was running all the time, doing different things ... doing the same thing as the guy ... running away from me ... of being me with myself.
I smiled again ... then i laughed.
Is so easy to define the others ... but we become blinds when it comes about ourselves.
Is funny ... cause we don’t understand that we can run, but we can’t hide by us.
And i see again that i’ve created some kind of invisible walls between me and me.
Silly ... but that’s me.
I try to change ... and i start by admitting the addiction of running away and hiding.
Adrian G Dumitru
74
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
Reality might look as a prison ... if you’re overwhelmed by negativity, but it’s
only a decision to look at it from a different perspective
I once wrote a book having the subtitle “Had everything, but I actually had nothing ...had nothing, but I actually had everything”. Today i see things in a totally different way.
I saw a ... prison ... all around me ... now i understand that the prison itself was my mind, with the repetitive thoughts that somehow defined me as a negative person.
But i forgot to mention that the name of that book was ...
PHILOSOPHY OF NOTHING.
So ... i was on a negative frequency, but still i was sending the message that you don’t need anything to be happy ... but only decide to be happy.
I knew the theory ... but i was not acting in the right way on the stage of the real life.
So ... is it wrong to see reality as a prison?!
But ... do we have any escape?!
I had so many questions in my life, that i decided to write about the fact that in many, many situations we live as in a prison.
But we are the prisoners of our own thoughts ... our own behaviors and the fact that we can’t get rid of this statistic ... this is a real tragedy.
We lose our time ... spending a life that we don’t like.
And time is passing ... but we still feel trapped in a world that has the same characteristics of a prison.
Adrian G Dumitru
75
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
And the funny thing is that we are the prisoner, but also the guardian that keeps us in there.
The key of the doors from the prison are at us ... but we are blinds and too silly to remember that.
Is not that we forget that, but we also can’t even see that the prison has doors to get out of there.
The prison itself is the mind ... the mental software that tells us to avoid change, cause change can be dangerous ... or at least looks like dangerous.
You see ... all those invisible walls, all the negativity that defines reality in dark colors ... comes from inside. Making ... the shift ... is only a decision.
Redefining reality ... repainting the whole picture in beautiful colors is the only way ... of saving us.
Get rid of the guardian from inside of you ... but also of the prisoner.
Just act free ... be wild ... be you.
Is nothing special ... only connect to the inner self ... and enjoy reality no matter how it looks like. Will it be difficult?!
Look ... i tell you what ... just try it as an experiment and a beautiful
change might come right away.
You have nothing to lose.
Adrian G Dumitru
76
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
Why the CHANGE doesn’t appear?! Well i’ve been trapped in a prison, but the prison itself ... was me.
During the years ... I’ve beem searching answers about how to live a free life ... and become me.
On this philosophical pathless path I felt that i live in a labyrinth ...
finding no way out.
I tried lots of ways ... but still ... no real result.
My dream was a quantum jump ... that should generate a big change right away, but whatever i was doing ... i failed.
One day ... i finally understood i was in a prison ... but one with invisible walls, and i kept myself prisoner in there for years. The prison itself ... was me.
I read tens of books about success and also about change ... but the result ... was always the same ... an insignificant change.
Then ... i was becoming more realistic and thought that the big change will appear in a gradual way.
I knew the theory with the 10.000 hours of intensive work and then perfection will appear in the story i wanted for myself ... but once more i saw it was not like that.
Yesterday i’ve visited the worst communist prison from my country. There ... from 1949 till 1956, the communists tried to re educate the people that did not agreed to Stalin’s philosophy of seeing the new society from Eastern Europe.
Thousands of people were tortured for years ... just because they did not liked the new idea of change.
On the other hand in Moscow people that adored Stalin ... for reasons difficult to be understood ... were writing about him: “Wherever is
Adrian G Dumitru
77
MY LIFE IN A PRISON WITH INVISIBLE WALLS
...still dreaming about freedom
Stalin ... in there you will find the success ... there will be the victory”. When i first read the quote, i could even say that this is the most motivational quote i ever heard ... and i should replace the name Stalin with mine and repeat it all the time as a mantra... so maybe it will empower me.
I was walking through the prison, imagining how people had been treated in unbelievable ways ... but i was maybe treated myself in the same way ... but only as mental torture.
I was disappointed of me cause i could not brake the invisible walls ... but going through the rooms of the prison, i wondered who suffered more ... the people from those communists prisons ... or us ...the modern human being ... that is prisoner and guardian in the same time.
I started to laugh of myself.
I understood that people from that time have at least an excuse ... but i don’t ... and also my friends, the people i know and all the others are living today ... cause we live in a world that we pretend is a free world.
So ... i should say is difficult to see why we act in such a way ... and don’t give us the freedom to become ... us.
The personal process of re education ... failed ... at least for myself ...
but i am still optimistic repeating Stalin’s quote and laughing in the same time.
Sometimes ... the only thing left to do is to laugh ... and keep walking
through life.
Nothing more ...
Adrian G Dumitru
78
