The concept of …. connection between 2 souls … became … illusory.
The relationship itself makes sense … is part of their lives …. but nothing more than this.
They know all … but lost … any hope of having something … unique.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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More … and more … it’s just a story about … numbers … and …
The past experiences… ruined them the belief that one day … the time can really stop … and a miracle can happen.
And i see on one side people that had lots of life experiences and people without experience of life … and i continue my analyzes of comparing them.
i am so confused… and don’t really know who i should declare the best model.
a person that still has innocence?!
or a person that experienced all about relationships… and has today the knowledge of acting properly on the stage of a love story?!
Into the end it becomes clear to me that … experiences of life
makes us see relationships… as experiences… and nothing more.
we can’t see anymore the uniqueness of a connection between a man and a woman.
We act maybe ok … we don’t make mistakes anymore …. but all it becomes … it’s an experience… like all the others … from our past.
So … probably we need to decide if we want a partner that knows to act into a perfect way … or one that don’t know so much about life … act stupid … but maybe still has the believe that a relationship can also be … a connection and not just … a life experience …
And as always … my perceptions are so … contradictory… I conclude … that… maybe … i have no conclusion …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Living between snakes … a contemporary model of life … that we see more and more often
I’ve always had an obsession of understanding… life.
And i’ve started to analyze and define it more and more and more … having the hope that one day … all will be redefined into a beautiful way.
But the time was passing… and nothing had really changed. The hope … became an obvious illusion … but i still had the obsession of understanding all what is going on around myself … and i was calling … life … or to define it into a much illusory way … my life.
But … it was maybe … not my life … but just life …. cause
looking around … there were lots of energies that were influencing my soul.
I was living a life … being influenced, but also dominated … by all sorts of energies … but ended up seeing the whole picture as being surrounded by … snakes.
I visualized my own life … in such a weird way … but … looking at the others … i realized they were actually living the same scenario.
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… in fact … the same ridiculous scenario.
I felt myself trapped into a cage … with lots of … snakes around myself.
And they were … more and more.
All those energies … which i could indeed compare with some ugly snakes … were everywhere. I was living … a weird life.
And … into the same time … i was seeing more and more snakes ….
They were terrifying … my life … my soul … my everything … I was living a weird model of life … but unfortunately it was my decision to live in such an Universe. I could not visualize… a better world.
so i continued living … being influenced … and many times dominated … by more and more entities … all looking like a … horror movie.
But … why the hell … i could not escape from such an Universe?!
and why all became …. more and more intense?!
Well … maybe i was allowing that … to happen.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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And one day i’ve realized that my life was just about … more and more and more … and
nothing else.
I used to define myself as a … profound human being … but recently i’ve realized that all i was doing was to go deeper and deeper in all what i was involved in … wanting more and more of that.
If you would ask me why i was doing that … i could probably say that i have absolutely no idea …
And it was more ridiculous that i consider this as being … a virtue.
It was in fact … an obsession and i was hoping that it will bring me that kind of energy … which will make the joy be present into my soul … again.
But more i was doing … what i’ve decided to do … into a repetitive way … as more and more … started to even … annoy me.
It was all useless… and i knew it.
I realized … i was suffering of the disease of more … and more.
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It was all disguised as … the desire of more … but was in fact … only and only … the disease of more.
My days were passing … and nothing changed.
Whatever i was doing … i was doing into the mode of … more and more … having the hope that … i’ll feel soon … joy into my soul …. but …
Well … nothing changed.
Days were passing… then weeks … months … and even years … but i could not accept that this weird concept of … more … is not a virtue.
I could decide it’s time … for therapy … but … i was delaying all.
I was allowing as my life to be just about … more and more
even having the illusory belief i was actually kind of a champion … with an amazing ability of exploring life … deeper and deeper.
But … no …
I was just … a silly guy … which did not understood anything was really going on …
Or pretend … i was not understanding… what was going on … My life continued … living the same scenario on and on and on …
And it was all … just about … a disease.
nothing else.
I realized it … but the disease was already dominating my soul … and looked impossible… to get rid of it.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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“You can’t fight the devils … you love to spend time with”
The environment and the people around us .. influence us … a lot.
And there are times when we feel stronger and stronger … that we are not staying in the right place … with the right persons.
The sensation itself is being amplified …. but …
Somehow … it’s too late.
We are …. already prisoners of those worlds … and we can’t
get rid of those influences.
We are actually … dominated … by all the energies around ourselves.
It sounds almost as a nonsense … not really understanding how we’ve became prisoners in there … and can’t escape anymore ….
To be much clear … let me give you a very simple example. You have some friends from school or work … and you go together … everyday … into a nice bar. You drink alcohol… till the morning.
And you do it in the beginning from time to time … as into the end to go out with them … almost everyday.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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You love … the alcohol.
You … just love it.
You also love being into the company of those people … but the influences came from those people …
Well … deep inside yourself … even if you don’t have the guts
to say it … you actually feel that you are ruining your life.
Day by day …
More and more …
But somehow it’s already too late … cause you are already the prisoner of that Universe ….
You think about an escape … but loving the energy of those people …. and also loving the alcohol itself … there is no way of escaping from there.
It’s all like you want to get rid of some devils that you love to spend time with … but …
No matter how much … part of your soul would want to get away … and start a new life … it all looks … impossible.
The love for that type of energy … or what you get back … as feelings …. from the connection with this type of energy … is
probably much powerful as the desire of getting your old life back …
Any escape … or try of escape … becomes useless….
This is probably the case of any other addiction …. even if it
is about alcohol … drugs … or even love ….
Yes … we can’t get rid of something … which we love ….
It’s a very, very simple … concept …. which we must meditate
on.
Want a change for real?!
Well … if we have a real addiction for the present moment … even if we define the energies we see of the scene of our
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lives as …. Devils …. real change … will never come.
We’ll remain stuck in there …. maybe even forever …. as long
as there will be a joy of spending time with … those entities. And even if we clarify and understand for clear the concept of
duality …. I repeat myself … one more time … saying that all will be useless …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Yes … more and more is a
disease … but also a reflection of a profound fear
I once wrote a book called “Self therapy … a way of healing our souls” … which was actually a desire of mine … of explaining to the public … how i play this game therapist-patient … trying to understand myself … my life … and all related with what is going on … around me.
And i continued this process … by a long, long time … having the hope that my soul will be cured.
But more i go deeper … i realize the complexity of the human being … which i feel as … my complexity.
Unfortunately… what i can’t cure … is this trend of always following all sorts of … pathless paths.
My life was … and still is … a chain of addictions of certain types.
Might sound ridiculous if i try to explain that i don’t drink alcohol, i don’t take any drugs … and don’t even smoke … but i do all sorts of other things.
Things disguised … in such an abstract way.
For example …. about one year ago … i’ve started to get
involved into humanitarian work.
And i loved it.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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But as usual … all became about … more and more …
I was trying to help … more and more people … and i’ve always tried to be better than i was … one day before. But …
It took a long time for me to accept what was really going on.
I could even say … years.
About 25-30 years … and …
Today i just smile … understanding that the desire of more is a profound fear.
But …. a stupid fear …. that i could get rid of … long, long
time ago …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Even if the Universe gives us more than we’ve ask … later on … we always ask for more and more.
That’s the human being …
I’ve recently saw Maya … and i’ve stayed with her for more than an hour discussing about her life … and what is going on for her into the present moment.
She wanted …. as many others … what is called … financial
independence.
But Maya … was also into a time of her life … when she had an obsession for exploring her sexual side.
She had in her mind … very strong thoughts and feelings … about both concepts.
But the funny thing … was that today she was involved into a relationship with a guy … that gave his card all the time she needed something … and they also had a great sexual connection.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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It was actually a representation … and a clear projection of what she asked to the Universe … but into an abstract form. She had a card that she could use for shopping… without being worried about money at all … but it was not her card. And she had an amazing lover …. with who she had a great
sexual connection … but also … it was another … but …. in
this equation.
The guy … was married.
So Maya … got all what she had asked for … but in a totally different form …
She could not say … her desires were not accomplished… but it was like the Universe was laughing of her … behind her back.
I was smiling … hearing her … talking.
I knew the meaning of her name … and …
Well … Maya is a feminine name with many meanings. Largely rooted in the Indian philosophical concept of Maya, Maya means "illusion" or "magic," embracing that which is ever-changing.
And this is what she was living … today.
An illusion …
She was complaining… but into the same time … she was tasting … her both deep desires …. everyday. She wanted more …
Her own unlimited card … and maybe a great guy … like the one she had today … but not married.
But she could not see …. the message the Universe was
whispering her.
We all have all sorts of desires … believing … illusory … that those obsessive desires will make us … happy … but …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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We can’t see the whole picture.
We have a life to live … into the way the Universe gave it to us … but on the other hand we try to change its course … with our stupid desires.
And we allow to be dominated by those stupid desires … until a day … when even if we don’t like it … and don’t agree … we realize the Universe is laughing … of our obsessions.
And it does it … into an abstract way … giving us … all what we’ve asked … but in total different circumstances.
If we could talk … face to face … with the Universe … we could not say that we did not got what we’ve asked … but ….
It’s always a …. but.
And we continue … keeping those desires in our heart … keep asking … and asking.
even if the message is so damn … clear … and we should start … thinking of a change about what the … real ideal life
looks like.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Being an X … in the relationship
number N … but seeing an illusory future together. Such a … naive scenario. But still … we see that
… so, so often.
The truth about relationships is that … nowadays … we have more options than we used to have into the past … because of the dating apps … and we don’t even bother to analyze if it’s a real connection … or just one of the relationships life offered to us.
It all became … irrelevant.
We look into the past … and no matter what … we know that the future … no matter what will happen … will bring us maybe another relationship… and another one … and another one.
Into the end … we don’t even know to say if it is a story about love … or about numbers … disguised into what we name … life experiences.
We don’t really know … what a connection is … and its meaning into a relationship.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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So … why we chase for relationships … and not dream of relationships with real connection between souls?!
