Why we lost the status of being … special … into a relationship?!
Why it’s so easy to make new projections with other partners
and even useless to speak about a possible future together?!
Did we lost the ability to look for a lifetime connection with another soul?!
Having so, so many options… living into an era when it’s much easier to find a new partner … we don’t understand anymore that a relationship it’s not necessary a … connection… but we not even bother to chase for that anymore.
It’s much easier to define all at the end … as an experience that will make us understand we’ll need to act better in the next relationship we’ll have.
It all becomes … a collection of stories … and we can’t even answer …. absolutely anything at the question … which one of those N relationships was the best?!
So … the real final question remains … should we bother to make future plans together?!
Should we bother to treat the subject as a …. special one … or simple ignore everything related to the future … and enjoy the present moment.
But what is the probability as the … actual story … to be that amazing connection we had been talking about?!
Well … nobody knows the future.
Nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow … or what is the real status of what we have today … but we could
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
45
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
simple smile … ignore all the fears related to the future ….
and enjoy the moment.
Anything else … becomes a … nonsense.
Illusory or not …. the present moment can bring … or not
bring … good vibes.
And if it brings that … and we feel amazing … most probably the nonsense itself becomes the idea of thinking of future. Because we already have all … now …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
46
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Some people simple don’t deserve help.
And it’s even worst … and more ridiculous as we might think … seeing the need of becoming … heroes at the people
… helping them.
I’ve been involved over the years in lots of activities … and maybe the most weird one is the one of … humanitarian work.
But … I’ve enjoyed doing it.
Even if … i could also say today …. something contradictory…
that some people simple don’t deserve being helped.
I look at this one year of activity and i … smile.
I was involved in something having karmic values … and even if i knew it … i ignored the fact that those people need to live a karmic story.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
47
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
They can be saved … same as i was saved into the past … by nice people from the stage of my life … or even by strangers
but if they could not be conscious of the fact that they need to understand a karmic message … which is beyond the events that look into the way they look … it’s all …. useless. Their lessons will be repeated on and on and on … but … Well …
I saw in such a different way everything into the beginning … but today … all my perceptions were totally redefined.
And it was maybe even more ridiculous… all being not what it looked like.
I’ve analyzed at the people which … helped … and were doing what i was doing in this humanitarian project … and realized it became more and more … an unconscious need of becoming … or at least look like … heroes.
More i was analyzing them … more I’ve understood… i was same as them.
It was absolutely… no difference between us.
We all tried to help … people which were having karmic issues to solve … and don’t really understand what the whole story was about.
But time was passing … and i’ve realized it seeing the nonsenses done by those people.
Some not even bothered to say me “Hello” or “Good bye” … or “Thank you”.
I even met people that after helping them were looking at me into a very weird way … and even realized i have an unexpected energetic attack from their sides.
It was so stupid to see those things … happening this way …. but even if i was so naive into the beginning and helped
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
48
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
those people with joy … realized the end itself … was so, so stupid.
I was trying to be or look like a hero… helping some people that did not deserved to be helped.
Seeing them how stupid they acted on the stage of life … i’ve understood … i am more stupid than they were … staying connected to their energies.
So … i’ve finally realized … that this work of mine .. trying to change karmic stories … which not understood will be repeated anyway … was an illusory work.
One more time … i was deeply involved into something that proved to be … a pathless path.
I could only smile … and maybe be happy cause i’ve realized it.
All my conclusions from today … looked so, so ridiculous… and made me look so, so stupid … but maybe it’s time to understand that before following a path … which looks like a good one … i should meditate ….more and more.
And of course … ask myself … why i have this unconscious obsession into my mind.
But … maybe the meaning of my life … like for many others is to explore the … pathless paths.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
49
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Cutting the sexual connectio… a way of trying to disconnect
more …. and more
There are many moments when one of the partners decide to cut the connection… realizing they are not on the right path of their story of being together.
There are already many things which they don’t like anymore
but even if they discuss it … there is no real improve that should look like a … a good change for them.
It’s like they are in clinical death … and no matter what they should try to do to save everything … it’s all useless.
Trying more and more and more … everyday … becomes a real … nonsense.
The end itself … is close.
But days are passing … and they still pretend they are together.
Well … until one of them believes that cutting the sexual connection might be an excellent idea …. to stop all.
Might sound stupid … but also realistic into the same time … cause stopping any way in how we can be … together … is a way of saying … we don’t want to be together anymore.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
50
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Yes … sometimes we speak with the words … but there are also moments when we say it …. in a much powerful way …
by acting in … weird mode … coming up with all sorts of new silly ideas.
We pretend … we are together … but we have the desire … for the end.
The other partner can only … smile in front of such an attitude.
There is probably nothing more to do than … listen to the music of this prelude … for the end … of everything.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
51
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Analyzing X,Y, Z … but also defining them … probably an unfair decision.
But what is silly … and might not know it … is that … all we judge at the outside world is actually the reflection of small pieces of our souls.
One of the things which i regret the most as a writer is that
some of the people from the stage of my life … know i am writing.
And … yes … sometimes … i write about them. I used them … as my muses.
But … my God … except one exception… the rest of those people … just dislike it.
The time was passing… and i was regretting more and more that i’ve told them that i write …. until one day … when thinking deeper … i’ve realized that i was not judging them …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
52
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
but different parts of my soul …
They were persons close to me … but actually … my own reflection.
More i was judging …. not really understanding what is going
on … i started to feel … more and more … that all is a story …. of defining my own soul.
Hmm … somehow it was … too late.
I already annoyed all of them … but all being so abstract … they could not understand my new theory .. about what i was doing.
They hated me …
Hahaha ….
I was laughing of all that was going on … but … but … but … Today … i was hating myself … realizing that in all those essays which i’ve written … it was all … only and only …. about my own soul.
Those people … from the stage of my life … were only ghosts.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
53
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
We live times when we need more and more heroes…
I look around myself and see a new trend … for a new type of character … that we need into this play called … life.
I analyze the idea …. much deeper and realize there are also
lots of people that want to be heroes too.
For example …. recently … i was in the company of a coach
that was speaking on the phone with a young client.
The guy was explaining to his mentor that he wanted to save his new girlfriend … to get rid of drugs … but my friend … the coach instead of being motivational… as i used to know him
he just replied: “You are a little idiot.
I am sorry for my verbal aggressiveness … but there is no better word to define you in other way.
You don’t want to save her. No … no … no ….
It’s an illusion …
You just want to be a hero …. and nothing more … “
I could not believe what i was hearing …. at my friend. But the real question was … what if he was right with his theory?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
54
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
For a second …. I’ve remembered again about my work in
humanitarian … but also realized that i’ve always had a trend … to help people.
But … 2 question came into my mind … for my own scenario. Number one was … do i really do all that from all my heart?? And …. question number 2 was …. am i so idiot like all the
others … that have this desire of becoming heroes?! Well … difficult to say the real truth.
In front of my own self … i could not define if i was indeed honest … or not …
But I continued seeing all around myself … people that believe in fairy tales … searching for heroes…. but also
chasing to become one of these heroes… It all seemed to me … so, so illusory … For both sides …
Well … people need people.
And sometimes we act stupid … all of us …
We pretend we need help …. when we could solve our
problems with our own powers …. but also want to help … to
get back a huge smile, a lovely hug … or a nice … “Thank you!”…
It’s ridiculous… defining all in such a way … but maybe … as any other human being …. I have the right of … my own perceptions.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
55
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Blablabla …
Life is beautiful …
Truth be told we have lots of contradictory perceptions about what a beautiful life means.
And today we say one thing … as the next day to believe something totally different.
What is much funnier than i ever could imagine is that … i see people explaining me with lots of details …. as the
absolute truth that this is … the best life scenario a human being can have.
Analyzing my own case … I’ve suddenly remembered that … i
was telling lots of times those contradictory scenarios to the
people closed to me.
Today … i wanted that.
Next day … something else.
And the story was repeated on and on and on.
Any new day … i wanted something else.
Most probably i could define everything as a collection of new and new perceptions of what my reality should look like.
But … I could not really say that a beautiful reality … would actually become real.
It was all … about … blablabla.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
56
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Today … i said this.
Next day … something else … and all continued like that for years.
Well … until i realized that … all this collection of perceptions about the perfect life scenario… with more and more and more contradictory ideas … became into the end … a collection of books that were presenting to the public lots of blablablas … about … illusory secrets of life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
57
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
We need to understand the dance of energies around us. It’s … a must.
It happens that i have a property … which i invested a lots of time and energy to build it.
It all took about 5 years to take the project to an end … even if looked like … at that time … that most probably i will never finish it.
But …. I did it.
I had this obsession into my mind to finish it … and … it just happened.
In those years … even if i was reading a lot … i did not knew that … even the success is illusory. So … i saw all as a victory.
I won the war with the builders, with the utility companies, with all the ones that told me that the project itself is a stupid idea … etc etc.
Somehow … i was happy … not really understanding what might happen next.
I’ve rented all the houses … and then problems started to appear … one by one.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
58
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Broken pipes, problems with the sewage, problems with the quality of water, broken cables etc etc.
And maybe the worst was that i had 2 houses in fire … that were probably caused by some electrical problems.
But later on … real problems started to appear… with all my tenants.
We’ve started to argue on different problems …
They made me complains at all the authorities… ending up in court also.
And it all became a non ending story … that was repeated on and on and on.
My project proved to be a huge problem for my daily life … In fact … a horror.
And it all started from the desire of more.
I wanted financial independence… and i thought that this is going to be my ticket to that financial stage.
But ….
Things proved to be … different … than i thought.
… totally different.
And it took me 2 years and a half to realize what was the mistake i’ve done … that i could not enjoy the success that i’ve succeeded to finish that place. I found a trick … that really worked.
I stoped going there.
And … suddenly all problems … just stopped.
I could not believe it.
I’ve worked for building a residential complex … for 5 years … as into the end to not be allowed to go there.
And i really had an immediate response … each time when i’ve tried to do that.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
59
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Why it’s so easy to make new projections with other partners
and even useless to speak about a possible future together?!
Did we lost the ability to look for a lifetime connection with another soul?!
Having so, so many options… living into an era when it’s much easier to find a new partner … we don’t understand anymore that a relationship it’s not necessary a … connection… but we not even bother to chase for that anymore.
It’s much easier to define all at the end … as an experience that will make us understand we’ll need to act better in the next relationship we’ll have.
It all becomes … a collection of stories … and we can’t even answer …. absolutely anything at the question … which one of those N relationships was the best?!
So … the real final question remains … should we bother to make future plans together?!
Should we bother to treat the subject as a …. special one … or simple ignore everything related to the future … and enjoy the present moment.
But what is the probability as the … actual story … to be that amazing connection we had been talking about?!
Well … nobody knows the future.
Nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow … or what is the real status of what we have today … but we could
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
45
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
simple smile … ignore all the fears related to the future ….
and enjoy the moment.
Anything else … becomes a … nonsense.
Illusory or not …. the present moment can bring … or not
bring … good vibes.
And if it brings that … and we feel amazing … most probably the nonsense itself becomes the idea of thinking of future. Because we already have all … now …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
46
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Some people simple don’t deserve help.
And it’s even worst … and more ridiculous as we might think … seeing the need of becoming … heroes at the people
… helping them.
I’ve been involved over the years in lots of activities … and maybe the most weird one is the one of … humanitarian work.
But … I’ve enjoyed doing it.
Even if … i could also say today …. something contradictory…
that some people simple don’t deserve being helped.
I look at this one year of activity and i … smile.
I was involved in something having karmic values … and even if i knew it … i ignored the fact that those people need to live a karmic story.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
47
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
They can be saved … same as i was saved into the past … by nice people from the stage of my life … or even by strangers
but if they could not be conscious of the fact that they need to understand a karmic message … which is beyond the events that look into the way they look … it’s all …. useless. Their lessons will be repeated on and on and on … but … Well …
I saw in such a different way everything into the beginning … but today … all my perceptions were totally redefined.
And it was maybe even more ridiculous… all being not what it looked like.
I’ve analyzed at the people which … helped … and were doing what i was doing in this humanitarian project … and realized it became more and more … an unconscious need of becoming … or at least look like … heroes.
More i was analyzing them … more I’ve understood… i was same as them.
It was absolutely… no difference between us.
We all tried to help … people which were having karmic issues to solve … and don’t really understand what the whole story was about.
But time was passing … and i’ve realized it seeing the nonsenses done by those people.
Some not even bothered to say me “Hello” or “Good bye” … or “Thank you”.
I even met people that after helping them were looking at me into a very weird way … and even realized i have an unexpected energetic attack from their sides.
It was so stupid to see those things … happening this way …. but even if i was so naive into the beginning and helped
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
48
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
those people with joy … realized the end itself … was so, so stupid.
I was trying to be or look like a hero… helping some people that did not deserved to be helped.
Seeing them how stupid they acted on the stage of life … i’ve understood … i am more stupid than they were … staying connected to their energies.
So … i’ve finally realized … that this work of mine .. trying to change karmic stories … which not understood will be repeated anyway … was an illusory work.
One more time … i was deeply involved into something that proved to be … a pathless path.
I could only smile … and maybe be happy cause i’ve realized it.
All my conclusions from today … looked so, so ridiculous… and made me look so, so stupid … but maybe it’s time to understand that before following a path … which looks like a good one … i should meditate ….more and more.
And of course … ask myself … why i have this unconscious obsession into my mind.
But … maybe the meaning of my life … like for many others is to explore the … pathless paths.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
49
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Cutting the sexual connectio… a way of trying to disconnect
more …. and more
There are many moments when one of the partners decide to cut the connection… realizing they are not on the right path of their story of being together.
There are already many things which they don’t like anymore
but even if they discuss it … there is no real improve that should look like a … a good change for them.
It’s like they are in clinical death … and no matter what they should try to do to save everything … it’s all useless.
Trying more and more and more … everyday … becomes a real … nonsense.
The end itself … is close.
But days are passing … and they still pretend they are together.
Well … until one of them believes that cutting the sexual connection might be an excellent idea …. to stop all.
Might sound stupid … but also realistic into the same time … cause stopping any way in how we can be … together … is a way of saying … we don’t want to be together anymore.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
50
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Yes … sometimes we speak with the words … but there are also moments when we say it …. in a much powerful way …
by acting in … weird mode … coming up with all sorts of new silly ideas.
We pretend … we are together … but we have the desire … for the end.
The other partner can only … smile in front of such an attitude.
There is probably nothing more to do than … listen to the music of this prelude … for the end … of everything.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
51
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Analyzing X,Y, Z … but also defining them … probably an unfair decision.
But what is silly … and might not know it … is that … all we judge at the outside world is actually the reflection of small pieces of our souls.
One of the things which i regret the most as a writer is that
some of the people from the stage of my life … know i am writing.
And … yes … sometimes … i write about them. I used them … as my muses.
But … my God … except one exception… the rest of those people … just dislike it.
The time was passing… and i was regretting more and more that i’ve told them that i write …. until one day … when thinking deeper … i’ve realized that i was not judging them …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
52
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
but different parts of my soul …
They were persons close to me … but actually … my own reflection.
More i was judging …. not really understanding what is going
on … i started to feel … more and more … that all is a story …. of defining my own soul.
Hmm … somehow it was … too late.
I already annoyed all of them … but all being so abstract … they could not understand my new theory .. about what i was doing.
They hated me …
Hahaha ….
I was laughing of all that was going on … but … but … but … Today … i was hating myself … realizing that in all those essays which i’ve written … it was all … only and only …. about my own soul.
Those people … from the stage of my life … were only ghosts.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
53
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
We live times when we need more and more heroes…
I look around myself and see a new trend … for a new type of character … that we need into this play called … life.
I analyze the idea …. much deeper and realize there are also
lots of people that want to be heroes too.
For example …. recently … i was in the company of a coach
that was speaking on the phone with a young client.
The guy was explaining to his mentor that he wanted to save his new girlfriend … to get rid of drugs … but my friend … the coach instead of being motivational… as i used to know him
he just replied: “You are a little idiot.
I am sorry for my verbal aggressiveness … but there is no better word to define you in other way.
You don’t want to save her. No … no … no ….
It’s an illusion …
You just want to be a hero …. and nothing more … “
I could not believe what i was hearing …. at my friend. But the real question was … what if he was right with his theory?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
54
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
For a second …. I’ve remembered again about my work in
humanitarian … but also realized that i’ve always had a trend … to help people.
But … 2 question came into my mind … for my own scenario. Number one was … do i really do all that from all my heart?? And …. question number 2 was …. am i so idiot like all the
others … that have this desire of becoming heroes?! Well … difficult to say the real truth.
In front of my own self … i could not define if i was indeed honest … or not …
But I continued seeing all around myself … people that believe in fairy tales … searching for heroes…. but also
chasing to become one of these heroes… It all seemed to me … so, so illusory … For both sides …
Well … people need people.
And sometimes we act stupid … all of us …
We pretend we need help …. when we could solve our
problems with our own powers …. but also want to help … to
get back a huge smile, a lovely hug … or a nice … “Thank you!”…
It’s ridiculous… defining all in such a way … but maybe … as any other human being …. I have the right of … my own perceptions.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
55
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Blablabla …
Life is beautiful …
Truth be told we have lots of contradictory perceptions about what a beautiful life means.
And today we say one thing … as the next day to believe something totally different.
What is much funnier than i ever could imagine is that … i see people explaining me with lots of details …. as the
absolute truth that this is … the best life scenario a human being can have.
Analyzing my own case … I’ve suddenly remembered that … i
was telling lots of times those contradictory scenarios to the
people closed to me.
Today … i wanted that.
Next day … something else.
And the story was repeated on and on and on.
Any new day … i wanted something else.
Most probably i could define everything as a collection of new and new perceptions of what my reality should look like.
But … I could not really say that a beautiful reality … would actually become real.
It was all … about … blablabla.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
56
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Today … i said this.
Next day … something else … and all continued like that for years.
Well … until i realized that … all this collection of perceptions about the perfect life scenario… with more and more and more contradictory ideas … became into the end … a collection of books that were presenting to the public lots of blablablas … about … illusory secrets of life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
57
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
We need to understand the dance of energies around us. It’s … a must.
It happens that i have a property … which i invested a lots of time and energy to build it.
It all took about 5 years to take the project to an end … even if looked like … at that time … that most probably i will never finish it.
But …. I did it.
I had this obsession into my mind to finish it … and … it just happened.
In those years … even if i was reading a lot … i did not knew that … even the success is illusory. So … i saw all as a victory.
I won the war with the builders, with the utility companies, with all the ones that told me that the project itself is a stupid idea … etc etc.
Somehow … i was happy … not really understanding what might happen next.
I’ve rented all the houses … and then problems started to appear … one by one.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
58
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Broken pipes, problems with the sewage, problems with the quality of water, broken cables etc etc.
And maybe the worst was that i had 2 houses in fire … that were probably caused by some electrical problems.
But later on … real problems started to appear… with all my tenants.
We’ve started to argue on different problems …
They made me complains at all the authorities… ending up in court also.
And it all became a non ending story … that was repeated on and on and on.
My project proved to be a huge problem for my daily life … In fact … a horror.
And it all started from the desire of more.
I wanted financial independence… and i thought that this is going to be my ticket to that financial stage.
But ….
Things proved to be … different … than i thought.
… totally different.
And it took me 2 years and a half to realize what was the mistake i’ve done … that i could not enjoy the success that i’ve succeeded to finish that place. I found a trick … that really worked.
I stoped going there.
And … suddenly all problems … just stopped.
I could not believe it.
I’ve worked for building a residential complex … for 5 years … as into the end to not be allowed to go there.
And i really had an immediate response … each time when i’ve tried to do that.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
59
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
