So … only one trick … worked … not to go there anymore … even if it sounded so, so ridiculous. I could not believe it.
And also … could not accept it.
It was… in fact … hilarious.
Work so much … for so many years … and …
After spending so much time and energy … the place refused to allow me to come in visit.
But … finding out the trick … i’ve started to apply it into a dogmatic mode … hoping that i’ll avoid the problems.
not really understanding what the problem was. I was so, so … intrigued ….
On the other hand … i knew i have to meditate more and more … and at the right time … the answer will come to me. I re visualized … the story.
I came back in time … and remembered about all the argues i’ve had with the builders working there … with the architects, with the people from city hall, with the ones from the utility companies …. etc etc … and finally understood that this was the energy in how i’ve built the place.
It all looked very nice into the end … but … the residual energies … of that war i had to win with everyone involved into the project … was a huge problem.
And most probably the ghosts … of the past … reappeared each time when i’ve been coming there.
All was repeated … into a different form. On and on and on.
It was like … even if i succeeded… i continued the war … fighting with … the ghosts from my past.
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It’s all a real story …. and it’s difficult to accept for me too …
even if i denied it for long, long time.
It all started from my desire of more and more and more ….
forcing people to join accomplishing my dream. But it all became a dream … that i could not enjoy. At the end of this journey … which was my dream of obtaining the financial independence… i was speaking about energies beyond reality …. ghosts from my past … and other weird blablablas.
I was indeed…. ridiculous.
Or maybe not … and that was the reason why i’ve decided to write a book about what is beyond reality.
At least i could speak … in front of readers that were interested about … the subject.
I smile … understanding what the desire of more … made with my life.
I smile … realizing i need to fight with … ghosts.
But at least … i’ve started to see … beyond reality.
… and i loved it.
Understanding why reality is the way it is … seeing how stupid i could be … just because i wanted more and more ….
ending up … continuing being involved in a stupid war … but this time with invisible enemies … was creating the image of a ridiculous life.
but it was … my life. I had to deal with it.
with all those illusions… that were destroying… my nerves. I continued my analyzes… meditating more and more of the influences of the ghosts of the past into the present moment
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and why reality looks the way it looks today … but it was so damn difficult to accept that i was the … guilty one.
Damn it ….
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Truth be told is that we
chase for stories … not for one amazing story
I look around myself … analyzing the sentimental life of people from the stage of my own life and i smile … realizing that so many of them … have not a great love story … but stories.
It’s all about … numbers … and even if we like it or not … nobody cares into a real way about any of those stories. But the question is … why?!
Why we forgot to go deeper and deeper and remain connected for an eternity by only one life partner?! What is the missing piece from the puzzle?!
Or why the desire of having a soul mate was metamorphosed into the desire of having more and more …. sentimental experiences?!
Maybe the energy of the beginning is so nice … that we simple can’y stop ourselves … chasing for … new and new stories?!
So maybe the contemporary human being prefer to explore life… and not be a prisoner of a certain relationship?!
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Well … most probably we could say that things changed … and we have a totally new perception about relationships. It’s indeed … a new trend.
Probably today … this desire of more is dominating also … our sentimental lives.
And nothing will change into this … trend.
We will just continue chasing for more and more and more … But more of what?!
Why we want more … and not something amazing?! Well….. we are indeed difficult to be understood.
The only thing left to do is just to stop judging ourselves and accept the journey to pathless paths as …. part of life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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Calming the Devil … will never be enough.
Always … will want more and more … and more.
I look around myself and see lots … lots of people. And I wonder … why so many?!
But i also wonder … why i bother to write about the subject?! Or … to write …
I continue my analysis… about the scene of my life … and … i smile … seeing so many bad people around myself.
I need to admit that i am worried … knowing that all i see it’s actually a reflection of my own soul …. but …
Well … to tell you the real, real truth i’ve started to see too many devils around myself.
Maybe ... i’ve lost my minds … or i’m actually into a karmic story having the purpose to redefine my whole vision about life.
I realize … somehow it’s late.
I lost lots of time … pretending those people are not devils. And even worst … believing that they were not actually … a reflection of my own soul.
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Today … seeing them everywhere … i only try to calm … those weird entities.
I see them wanting from me … more and more and more … and i try to give them all what they ask …. but i’ve also
realized …. that this is a … non ending story.
They will always want more from me.
More and … more …
My tendency of calming them … it’s useless.
I could even say … it’s ridiculous.
I need to stop the game of more and more and more … simple by disconnecting from … all. I need to redefine my own life.
I need to … disconnect from my old … self.
… and try to build a much better self.
Close my eyes … cut all those illusory connections from all those entities… defined as devils … and start thinking of a new life.
Of a new … me.
And live with the hope … I’ll finally get rid of all those illusory devils …. that are ruining my life.
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More and more problems are cause only by … amplified fears
It says that one problem … always comes with other problems too.
And i smile going back in time and realizing this is what happened to me … many times.
But i am a little bit special … or maybe i should say … different than the others.
I’ve always chased for … more into my life … and what is weird is that i’ve always got all those things which i’ve wanted.
Time was passing and any new desire … became real. Whatever i had in mind … and really wanted … one day became part of my reality.
And it happened like that one time, 2 times, 7 times … 367 times etc etc.
But many of those things which i wanted also brought fears into my soul.
Then … fears were amplified.
My soul became a collection of fears … as into the end to realize that all those desires … which in fact were more and
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more desires … becoming real … fulfilled my soul with illusory fears.
My mind and my soul … were dominated by this. Fears, fears, fears … and it was even worst cause i was actually living a life with lots of problems … induced by all those fears.
More and more dreams …. became true … then fears
appeared …. as into the end to become so obvious that fears
induced me problems … then more and more problems. It was ridiculous… cause i wanted something … but i’ve ended getting something totally different in return.
So … maybe i was not ready for all those dreams … i had … cause all was metamorphosed into fears …. then amplified
fears … as then to see a chain reaction … of problems. And i realize seeing the scenario of my own life that Budha was indeed right saying that … the desire is the source of … pain….
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Playing around … with
energies … such a stupid game ….
I always use to play with energies.
And i enjoy it … all the time.
I actually do it more and more often … but i still don’t understand why.
What is funny is that when i speak about energies … i speak in fact about souls and actually … of the human beings. I like the connection to them.
I love … exchanging energy … with all those people.
I love … socializing.
I practice it … more and more as an art.
But on the other hand i know it’s all a stupid game … of playing around like a kid.
And i know it by a long, long time.
A dear friend of mine … expert in energies tells me all the time … it’s stupid all what i am doing.
She sees my games … and even started to stay away from me … finding all my games … as something very dangerous. But how could we understand the soul of the human being …
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if we would not interact with them?!
Should we study the human being … only and only from books?!
Or meditation?!
Should that be …. enough?!
Well … i do believe … that all should be as studying football from books … expecting into the end to be … a great football player.
And … i do believe … it’s a good example.
I smile.
It s like i am in a court room, in front of the judge … explaining what is defined as a stupid … action.
Yes …. maybe it’s stupid.
It’s stupid … but it’s all part of this process called life … and a way of understanding who we are.
I do love to socialize… pretending i don’t know that all it’s an exchange of energy … and i do it … more and more and more.
Even … if so many are judging me …
But maybe i am the profile that loves to do stupid things … So ….
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I was writing more and more …. but all my analyzes
were nonsenses. I was missing indeed … the essential…
I’ve wrote lots of things into my life.
All my writings were kind of a therapy …. and i was doing
well … in this direction.
I was … in fact … writing about things i saw on the stage … of this thing called … life.
In fact it was all about … my own life.
And i really knew lots of people.
I was analyzing them …. defining all the details … which
came into my mind.
I had this weird obsession that … if i’ll meditate more and more … and analyze more and more people … i will understand the human being … and the life itself. But … it was all … so, so illusory.
I knew that all the people … around myself …. were in fact
the reflection of my soul … so most probably all these
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analyzes were a total nonsense.
So … i made a change …
I’ve started to analyze and define the people … i did not knew at all.
People from tv, from all the social media platforms … or even the ones which i was seeing on the streets.
But again … it was maybe all related with … me.
On the streets … i saw people which i knew … all the time. Even in media … i saw lots of things related to some people i knew.
Today … for example … I’ve opened an online newspaper and read about a poet … which i knew … which lost his job at the university from my city.
next page … i’ve read about a lady which i knew …. and had been arrested.
All was a weird connection… with my own life.
Things or people which i knew … or had an impact on myself. So … no matter what i was doing … i was always ending up … analyzing and defining things that somehow were related to me.
But why?!
Why the hell … even if i was meditating more and more and more … it was all about … me?!
Well … somehow i was missing … the essential.
I could not see the world … as i was pretending i am trying to do … but … was focus only and only on … myself.
I was blind … in front of any other detail … if that was not related to … myself.
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Even the therapy can become one day … just an addiction and nothing more.
A story … like all the others … about more and more
and more ….
Recently… i had the chance to see again a good friend … which i knew by more than 30 years.
We’ve accidentally met on the streets … and she invited me to a coffee.
And we’ve talk … for hours.
But to tell you the truth … it was all about her … mental problems … which became more and more visible over the years.
She took medication… and even if it was ok for a while … into the end it all proved to be …. useless. Then she started to go to a … therapist.
But saw it was also … useless.
She changed the medicines … then the therapists … and …
Smiling … she was continuing to tell me this horrible story.
I could not understand what really happened into this time
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since … high school.
But … indeed … 30 years … it’s a long time and lots of things could happen.
I used to know a happy girl that today was explaining me … with lots of details … about lots of things … that did not made sense to me.
That happy girl … was metamorphosed into a … depressive one.
All was a little bit … nonsense.
But … my friend … continued to tell me … more and more and more.
It was all about her mental … problems.
Or maybe i could say … her illusory mental problems. Knowing the fact that i’ve wrote books with love essays … she suddenly change a little bit the subject … saying … “Listen!
I’ve complained to you … more than 30 minutes … but my actual life … is ok.
My present moment … looks a little bit different … than my past … which i told you about.
I’m not taking medicines anymore.
I am not going to a psychiatrist or psychologist… anymore. No …
I’ve realized it’s all useless.
I met a guy … few months ago … and i see him … everyday … including weekends … for one or 2 hours.
