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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
Nothing changed.
Days were passing …. then weeks … then months … then
years.
And the question of why i keep waking up … and what is the real purpose of that … remained into my mind. A new day …
… and another one.
…. and then another one ….
Thousands and thousands of days … and actually thousands of chances of becoming … a better self.
I was failing … all the tests and all the opportunities.
I was wasting all the chances … the Universe gave me … to play better on the stage of my life.
More and more wasted …. chances … and i was pretending
so, so well …. I don’t really know what the story is about.
The Universe was … smiling.
Then laughing ….
But later on … realizing how idiot i was …. wasting so, so
many opportunities… it became angry.
And … my karmic years started.
A new day … was the same … a new chance to act better on the stage of my life … but this time it was all different. … i had to do everything … by force …
Cause now … karma was in charge of everything …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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... philosophical essays
Maybe the first step we should do … observing this disease of more and more … is to accept it … as a real fact.
Then … smile … and try to understand it’s all part … of the illusion of life.
I always had an obsession of having more.
First … was the desire of more and more money.
Then … came the real estate story of my life… and i wanted more and more properties.
Then even with the books … i was looking for having more and more published books.
My life was all … about more and more.
A stupid belief that … if i will have more of something … something will change into my life.
I wanted more connections, more friends, more readers for my books, more clients for my businesses… but the funny thing was that …. whatever i’ve asked from the Universe …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
i’ve got … in a way or another … all the time.
I was suffering of the disease of more.
Into the end … whatever i was doing … it all became … an addiction.
Even my work in humanitarian… it became … into such a silly way … a story about more and more.
I was … carrying… this virus … into my blood … as an idiot. But i was not conscious about … that all i was doing was about … giving value to my spirit.
Or … at least …. this is what i had into my mind …. but the
real truth … was totally different.
I was always trying to be … kind of a … champion…. and all i
was doing … it was for my Ego.
Somehow … in totally different forms … i wanted to be … someone different, important … special … someone that bring value to this Universe where we live in. But guess what?!
It took me years to understand that all what i was doing … pretending i am doing for the others … it was only to feed … my own big stupid Ego.
Illusory … all those chapters of my life about more and more … were times … of believing i am on the right path.
But i was only following… pathless paths … and all those virtues that i thought will give value to my soul … were making me live a weird life … wasting my energy … and precious time.
Years were passing … and the only improve was that my intuition was telling me that …. I am wrong.
Till the moment when I’ve understood and accepted that … the story of more and more … was the most stupid thing i
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
ever did … a pathless path … and a spiritual disease … it took almost a century.
Today …. I am happy … that at least … i am aware of that.
I smile …. in front of those illusory stories from my own life …
of feeding my stupid ego in so many ways.
And then i laugh … realizing …. how stupid i was … and
maybe … i still am …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
More and more and more … so useless …
But we realize it … when … we see that small unimportant things
can bring us … beauty and joy into our souls.
Then … for some of us … more and more … becomes history.
I’ve tried to define my perceptions about this subject … talking mainly from my own experience.
The only purpose of the book is just to make the public meditate … over the subject.
And treat it … as an important issue … that define the quality of our lives.
The book is not about … the absolute truth.
It’s just about … how i see the world we are living in …. and
the people from it … from 100 angles.
I was writing all those essays … having the purpose of making people understand …. that more … will not bring …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
any higher value to us.
Don’t know if my purpose succeeded … but … i continue doing this work … as an essayist.
And i enjoy it … even if even this became a story about ….
more and more …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
About myself …
I’ve started to write my first book at 16 … but then … realizing i could not publish it … i’ve abandoned the idea of being a … writer.
20 years later … i’ve started to write again … believing i will finally succeed … but i’ve failed one more time … not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later … i’ve started one more time to write … but this time … more as a therapy.
It’s what i’ve defined as … self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas … that were a lot related to me … and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts … in essays … becoming this way … maybe not a writer …. but what many define as … an essayist.
This is not a poet … and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry … but is still expressing his thoughts … into a similar way … as a poet.
And is not a writer … cause have not the ability to write for too long time … about the same subject. But maybe i am not an essayist… either.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
I am just an ordinary person … that could be better defined … as a thinker.
Analyzing … and defining my life … practicing this process called … self therapy … i started to understand life … and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i’ve wrote … and wrote … and wrote … realizing one day that i’ve published tens of books …. not really understanding how the hell I’ve succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing … as a therapy.
I could even say … it’s a simple way of understanding who we are … but also a process that could help us … heal our souls. I personally continue to … write.
It’s in fact … a non ending story that … at least for myself … will probably continue for the rest of my life. But over all … i am glad … i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey … not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist… but … Well …. most probably… i am on a good path.
And … i would dare to recommend to everyone … all what i am doing today.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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All we do in live it’s a decision … taken into a conscious or ….
unconscious way.
Following the path of more and more … believing it will bring value to us …. It’s an illusion.
Into the end we will probably realized we lost our lives … just following … pathless paths.
Well … i wish you all …. at least to be aware of that.
And remember … it’s never too late for a real spiritual awakening …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
... philosophical essays
The disease of more and more is a something … much worst … than cancer.
Or … maybe … i could probably define it as a … spiritual cancer
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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