I hoped he would understand my message … without saying anything else.
He only smiled me … but still carrying that weird unhappiness on his face.
I could not understand… his silence.
I wanted to tell him … that he had the fundamental right to be happy … and if the relationship from home is not the right connection for his soul … that does not mean he cannot he
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happy.
If not … always carry the happiness on our faces … at least from time to time … to have these feelings.
I could not understand why Karl was not giving himself the freedom to enjoy life … into a parallel world … and why he was not even bothering to listen to my theories … preferring to remain … unhappy.
But maybe … the guy was believing for real in morality … and speaking with a guy like me that wrote more than 10 books about love affairs … was a stupid thing to do.
Well … i’ve just tried to open his mind … but i believe it was useless.
He did not believed that beyond unhappiness … just one step way … he can find beautiful vibes … that can make him feel good … but also …. alive …
And he simple …. ignored me … but in the end is his life ….
and he knows better …
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There are people that induce us such negative vibes … that we might even believe … we suffer of … depression.
But you know … vibes come and go … and we still can’t remember that
So many people write to me … making the confusion that i might be kind of a psychotherapist … or relationship guru … but in reality i am just a … thinker.
In my search for understanding the world .. i was analyzing all around myself … liking a lot to … define everything i see on the scene of life.
I started to write my thoughts … from the need of organizing all i was thinking … and make the conclusions be more clear … especially for me.
But it was nice cause people were writing me … even if they made this confusion regarding myself …
I had more chances to understand relationships and love stories … and in fact the souls of the humans.
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I somehow believe that life it’s a lot related with … the presence of the humans in here.
Yesterday … for example … Diana wrote me.
She’s from Serbia … living in Belgrade … married by many, many years … but with a man that she believes … is not ok for her.
Even if … Diana is a very intelligent woman … she could not realize in those years if … in fact she’s depressive … or the presence of her husband induces her those weird feelings of depression.
Every time she was seeing him … her vibe became so bad … that she somehow believed she is dominated by negativity … only and only because of him.
But she was probably not 100% … and that was the reason she wrote me.
Maybe the depression itself … meant a non ending feeling … and she actually was balancing between having a normal vibe … as all the other humans … and depression.
More i was talking to my serbian friend … more i was feeling that she expects from me … to reveal her a secret that she is not capable of finding out … by herself.
I was meditating on all what Diana … had told me … and on the other hand i knew that many, many couples … from all around the world … are living exactly the same scenario … but ….
So … what was the real truth?!
Why people … living together … being together as couple … induce themselves so negative vibes?!
Is Diana’s husband really responsible for that?!
Was the guy a real asshole?!
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Or … i ask myself …. what if the connection itself between the
2 of them … is the one responsible for that.
I started to believe that …. in fact … Diana was not a
depressive person … cause she had many moments when she was also feeling ok … but the destroyed connection with her life partner … had a tremendous negative impact for her. And still?!
What was the solution?!
What could i say to my friend?!
What could i say to all the people having this experience ….
Diana had?!
Well … i simple smiled … and said … nothing.
Most probably … the only real solution … was to completely cut the connection with the husband.
I could say that to Diana … but maybe she was not ready to hear me.
She was totally convinced that her husband was the Devil itself … and the meaning of having him around was to … make her life miserable.
The depression itself … was a positive thing … but she could not accept that.
The meaning of negative vibes that she felt so, so often ….
when she was around her life partner …. were carrying a very
powerful message.
But … maybe Diana could not understand the real meaning … that the depression itself was the gateway to the real happiness.
All she had to do … was so, so simple … … just cut the connection.
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And probably stop blaming her husband … as being the ….
Devil.
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Living near sick persons … sometimes a dharmic fact … or
maybe karmic ….
I once had met a guy that after a while … becoming friends … he told me one day about his wife that had mental problems. Big … mental problems.
They succeeded somehow to hide that for years … but recently it became obvious to everyone knew the couple. I was analyzing my friend … and asked myself … what the hell did wrong this guy …. that he deserves to live such a horrible life … near a person that lost her mind.
And in a moment of awakening… I’ve understood that losing our mind …. means losing control on ourselves … allowing to be dominated by energies we don’t know anything about.
I won’t bother to tell all the details about the story … cause i am interested just by the main idea … but … indeed the guy was into a dharmic or a karmic story.
He probably had to learn … a difficult life lesson.
I looked at him … and realized it could happen to me too.
I saw his life … as depressive … but maybe only with infinite love … the person near him … could be healed.
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Love could probably send away the energies from the soul of his wife … but maybe he did not had the ability to see that. It was so easy …. from outside … to see such a solution … the
message beyond the message … and the fact that this ugly
scenario of my friend … could be totally be redefined …
But he needed … meditation.
… infinite wisdom.
And also … the ability of loving another person …. into an
infinite mode.
His life lesson … was indeed complicated.
I was analyzing and defining this guy … hoping to find a trick as his life to be redefined … but realizing that same as him… in such a situation … i would probably only complain … that life sucks.
… and nothing more.
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Losing toxic people is a … win
I see all around myself a weird paradox … realizing that people live the fear of losing ugly relationships that defines their lives.
I saw it … not once … or twice.
I saw it … lots, lots of times.
And … even worst … i saw that weird example … so visible while analyzing my own life.
I was indeed afraid of getting rid of the toxicity from the scene of my own life.
I was afraid … of losing people that ruined me emotionally for such a long, long time.
Today … i could just ask … why this stupidity?!
Why we should have such a weird behavior?!
What’s wrong with us?!
Most of the toxicity from our lives is usually done by certain people … but still … i can’t understand the fear of losing those characters.
I keep analyzing myself.
On and on and on … until i finaly realize that between toxicity of an universe that we already know and the change with another universe … that we can’t really predict … we always prefer … toxicity.
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We can’t see … the opportunity of … change.
And instead of change … depression appears.
Deeper … and deeper.
And we accept it too … as part of life … of our lives … not realizing the stupidity of our behavior.
Today …. I see depression as an amazing …. blessing.
A great … signal … that should make us stop continue life … and ask ourselves different psychological questions … especially about toxicity … its meaning … and why we accept it.
I personally know that losing toxic people it’s a win … but … i still act as an idiot …
I am afraid of losing all those ugly characters that are ruining me emotionally.
I accept induced depressive thoughts … which could be translated as bad vibes … simple because i am afraid of … change.
And i know that there are lots of people that don’t know any theories about life … but for my case …. even if i know it all …
by such a long time … i still can’t … save myself. Yes … the knowledge can’t heal … the fears. And the paid price is huge …
Only and only … because we are just … idiots.
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Seeing the emotional balance … we somehow realize that it’s time to accept that any soul represents the duality between happiness and unhappiness
I had moments in life … and i could probably even say that i had long periods of time like that … when i was always balancing between being happy and unhappy.
If someone would ask me to define my emotional life … with everything related to that … i would have absolutely no idea what is the best definition for that.
And when me and Paul were discussing about it … i’ve come up with this concept of “emotional balance” … to make it sound … nice.
Paul was laughing of me …
Not behind my back … but in front of me …
Was laughing like … he should be in front of a little silly kid … that was explaining his nonsense actions.
But what i did not realized at that time was that the influences from the outside world were dominating my soul. And that was happening on and on and on.
Instead of being connected just with my inner world … and let that energy from there control my life … i was allowing
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the outside world to influence me too much.
Until the influence itself became in fact … dominant.
Weeks were passing and nothing was changing.
Then months …
The balance itself was ruining me emotionally …. for too
much time … so that i’ve decided to meditate more … on what is going on.
But i could not find any cure.
Those ugly vibes from my soul … were so, so annoying and i could not find any trick to get rid of them. Hmm …
Maybe i was just pretending … i was not seeing the solution
cause in fact … every time i was not connected to the scene of my life … to what i’ve called … reality … i was ok. I felt the inner calmness.
I felt … there was in fact no bad vibes into my soul … and my real problem was just the exterior influences.
Not being a psychologist … but only a simple thinker … meditating more and more … i’ve started to accept that what was defined by myself as unhappiness, bad vibes … or even depression … was in fact a signal.
A very powerful one. And i ignored that …
The balance itself was revealing … that i’m not ok … and it’s too easy to be influenced by reality …. cause in fact i was not connected to the real source of energy for my life … which was my soul.
I did not know to manage the energies.
And i was not even recognizing … the positive or negative impact of those influences … until i felt the unhappiness
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present again into my soul.
I was playing around as a silly kid … just as Paul was thinking about me.
I could simple decide … seeing it’s so damn clear that the outside universe has not a positive impact on myself … to disconnect from it.
To start practicing … the solitude … cause analyzing and accepting the statistics about my happiness … i was in fact understanding that the happiness itself was induced by my inner soul … not by the exterior factors from the stage of my life.
But as an idiot … i continued to stay on this stage … called reality … which was so, so ridiculous … cause i was knowing the secondary effects of that.
And yes … i continued on and on like that … until the day i’ve decided to automatically disconnect from any element of my reality which was inducing me bad vibes.
I tried it as an experiment … and it worked.
I tried it again … and i was so happy to see that the trick really worked.
All i needed to do … was to let my soul guide me.
Accept bad vibes … as a blessing.
As an amazing signal … for realizing the moment of disconnecting from reality … whatever that meant … had come.
But something weird happened to me.
I’ve metamorphosed myself … into a ghost.
I was appearing and disappearing from reality … in a very strange way.
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The balance itself … from unhappiness to happiness and from happiness to unhappiness … became into the end the balance between being or disappearing from … the stage of life.
People around myself … started to realize that … but … i was not caring anymore about their perceptions about myself. And i’ve started to love being … a ghost.
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We need to be aware of … the involution process that might appear for us. Unfortunately we accept that just as part of life and we don’t do anything at least to … delay it.
I just had a new chance of meeting a guy having what is defined as … terminal cancer.
For a reason difficult to be understood … i was not detecting any sign of pessimism for him.
As a soul … all looked ok, but what was weird was that even if he was few years younger than me … he had the appearance of a man that was 20 years older. It all looked as a total nonsense.
