Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
59
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
When domination does not succeed … the feeling of depression starts to dominate
everything around
I see many people obsessed into an unconscious way … to influence, but also dominate the scene of life. They want things to happen … into a certain way.
And they … do lots of stupid things because of that.
Having this obsession of controlling all … of seeing everything
according to the scripts from their minds …. they never allow as reality to follow its normal paths.
I look at them … and i smile.
I see them annoyed … even for my own scenario of life … cause i never let myself influenced of their words.
It’s not that i totally reject domination … with disrespect… but i not even bother to listen to their ideas, to all their thoughts
and their stupid trends of influencing … my life.
But … after a while … the obsession fade and starts to be metamorphosed into … a kind of depression atmosphere. They stop trying to influence my life.
The idea of domination … becomes an useless scenario … even to mention it.
I feel the connection is … ruined.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
60
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Unfortunately… i saw this pattern i am talking about into my relationship with the family
…my friends … and many times into my love stories.
I personally just hate … all it has to do with this obsession for dominance … in any form … and i totally disconnect from anyone tries that with me … but i still can’t understand this … need … of the human being.
I see into the end … all ruined between me and those persons.
I see the depressive perceptions that define us … and ask myself … why all was metamorphosed like that?!
The relationship itself becomes …. useless.
“Dominating and being dominated” …. is the name of a book
I’ve recently published … and i maybe forget to mention at that time … the fact that all will end with …. negative vibes.
But anyway … all of my books are unfinished… and all i do … is keep trying to complete … those ideas from my mind.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
61
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
We should not allow
the past influences us so,
so much … It’s useless …. to
waste our lives as that.
I was probably into the 3rd grade …. during the summer
vacation, in visit with a very good friend of mine … from that time …. at his grandma …
Suddenly… she started to talk to us about … women … and we could not believe it.
Smiling … she said … “Boys …. You can have a future wife
which could be virgin when she meets you … but end up … cheating on you and act as a whore … but you could also marry a prostitute …. that could love … adore … and respect you … into an infinite mode.”
I was meditating of those words … for years.
At that time … i was into a point when i did not knew … so clear … what is the difference between a virgin and …. a prostitute.
Few days ago … while meeting Clara again …she showed me the message to her lover …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
62
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
“It feels like I'm some kind of monster or a prostitute, due to the fact that I had a relationship before you. Yes… I had men and had an ex-husband!
YES! And same as you … I have sometimes been manipulative in my life!!!!
You've had women too, and you're manipulating all the time!
But for some reasons I'm not afraid to be with you!!
And I do not accuse you of all mortal sins, just because you are a person and that you lived before me, and did not sit in a monastery!”
I suddenly remembered … that grandma … and her words.
Clara had today … a real relationship problem with her lover.
The impact on their past …. into their love story … appeared
… daily.
They could simple … not decide … to make a zero point … and ignore all from their past.
I was almost laughing … hearing Clara’s problem … realizing they both … became … depressive … because of this non ending discussions about … the past.
It was ridiculous…. not understanding that past it’s gone …
and it’s useless to keep mentioning it … on and on and on. I wanted to tell her … what that grandma told me so many years ago … but i reply to Clara ….”Maybe you should give me his phone number.
I’d like to call him … to tell him … a motivational story … which i heard …. many years ago.”
I was laughing …. seeing the presence of those negative
vibes … into this couple.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
63
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
All i could say … that i saw the whole situation as … ridiculous.
The truth is …. that nobody knows the future … and it’s all a
lottery when it comes about life … and relationships … but being worried … acting like depressive people … which are dominated by the past … it’s a nonsense.
And sometimes … we must learn to … reset ourself … and believe into the future … not into the past.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
64
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Amazing sex …. and
all the problems
simple disappear
I saw over the years many couples … which did not really knew how to act on the stage of life.
… or at least one of the partner was like that.
But what looked as a paradox to me was that … even in such conditions … all was ok.
I recently had again the chance to see such a couple.
She was acting … absolutely perfect …. but him …
Well … i knew him, by a long, long time.
Even if he was not a bad guy … most probably … as a lover … he was not really acting properly.
At least … this is what i saw … when i was looking at them. But … maybe i was not seeing … everything, cause she was acting … perfect … all the time.
It was almost … a nonsense … cause he was all the time acting like an idiot and she was indeed the perfect woman … not only for him … but was seen like that in front of the eyes of any man that knew her.
So … i’ve started to ask myself … what is really going on between them?!
Any normal woman … would lose her temper with such a man … and simple run away.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
65
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Would even become … depressive near such a person …. as
my friend.
But … not this lady.
No …
Being intrigued … about the real truth behind this story … one day … i’ve dared to ask her … “My dear! Sorry to bother you …. but i wanted to ask you something by a long, long time.
How’s that an amazing woman like you … which is acting into a way … which many men would define as … the perfect woman … stays near a guy … which i know for 100% that is not acting all the time … let’s say …. properly?!”
She smiled … and replied … “We really have amazing … sex.
And we do it … everyday.
On and on … and on.
Our sexual connection it’s … amazing.
So … everything else … becomes … irrelevant…” I was a little bit shocked of her answer.
Like many other times … i was wrong in my perceptions and my analyzes about life … and the people i see around myself. I had to accept … there are things which i don’t know and i can’t really know all the details between a couple … which in fact … i don’t really know so well.
I’ll probably have to stop playing this game of defining … or learn to connect better to people so that i can go deeper inside their souls.
This amazing lady … just reconfirmed me the importance of the amazing sex …. into a relationship.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
66
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
I knew it … but probably ignored its importance … and the fact that the sexual connection itself … makes everything be …. amazing.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
67
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Playing dirty games
a way of wasting our lives
I heard many people over the years … defining their lives … as boring lives.
No other attribute could come to their minds … but … boring. I looked at them … knowing a little bit about themselves … and realized that this explains … the dirty games they were doing on and on … and on.
But their lives … were continuing like that.
And even if i tried to stay away from them … sooner or later
i’ve heard again about all those games …. they were keep doing.
In fact … it was all a story about … dirty games. Having enough of this feeling of boringness… they were trying absolutely everything … to get rid …. of such a life. But …. I also lived such a scenario.
And not only one time … until one day when i’ve realized that
i am wasting my life doing that on and on and on.
Such a thought was indeed … depressive… and i had to change that …
I had to redefine … my life.
But … i could not do anything … related to the subject ….
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
68
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
being probably … same as others … into a stupid karmic story … and i was too blind to see all what is going on.
So … everything continued … into the same stupid way ….
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
69
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
The illusion is …. poisson.
A sweet one …
It says that the life itself it’s an illusion.
Some are defining it … as amazing.
But i also heard lots of depressive opinions …. defining all …
so contradictory.
After reading lots of motivational books … i stoped doing that today … realizing it’s all a crap … and i should ignore all the perceptions around myself.
I started to somehow believe that life is beautiful … only if we ignore that it is illusory.
And i’ve analyzed a lot … what an illusion is.
In fact i’ve analyze it so much … that depressive thoughts started to dominated me … and i had to start asking myself if in fact … i am probably only living the illusion …. that i am part of an illusion.
I’ve even wrote a book with this title.
And many of my other books … are having into the title … the word … illusion.
So i dare to ask today … is the illusion … something similar with … the poisson?!
Does it make any sense to live like that?!
Well … many of those thoughts … only ruined my daily life … not allowing myself … to have a good life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
70
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
But on the other hand … i knew … life can be beautiful only if we know to accept the meaning of … the illusion.
To consider it … as part of life …. and also part of our
philosophical journey …. this try of understanding the
meaning of why we are here.
I have to admit … that it’s annoying.
I have to admit … that i dislike the fact that i like … being surrounded …. by … illusions.
But …. I understood into the end … that the acceptance is the
key … for …. at least … a decent survival into this Universe.
And even if the illusion is something similar with … the poison … and even if many times it’s all a sweet poison that we taste … and enjoy … defining it as … amazing … later on the truth … the real one … is revealed. All we could do … is to … simple smile.
Anything else … is useless.
Then … continue the journey … with hope into the soul … even if the hope itself looks illusory also.
But there is nothing we could do … Only … continue …. the journey.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
71
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Feeling into the wrong story … it’s not a depressive thought. It’s all about learning how to say … “Good bye … for ever!”
I saw many people … feeling into the wrong story.
And i had this feeling also … many, many times into my life. Today … having a clue … what is it about … i start first of all to meditate … why i have such a feeling.
And somehow the feeling is metamorphosed… later on.
I feel that the depressive thought … fades.
Of course … it does not disappear completely … but … what
was a very ugly vibe … becomes a simple annoying one.
Life continues … but …
But … but … but …
Next day … the feeling reappears again.
And there are days …. when it’s such an aggressive feeling …
Next month … still live with the weird thought of being into the wrong story.
Few months later … also …
Then … even years later … the feeling disappear and reappear … again and again.
It is what i should define …. as a karmic message … but still
…. It gives us such depressive thoughts.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
72
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
We feel … at the wrong job.
near the wrong friends.
in the wrong love story … or the wrong marriage. Everything is … just … wrong.
I write those things … and i remember having one million times this …. depressive thought … which i totally disliked. But one question came into my mind … what if i should actually redefine such a weird perception about my reality … from depressive to … a weird signal which is whispering myself … that is time to change my life …. and say “Good bye
forever!” to all those people which i disliked … on the scene of my life?!
What if the depressive feeling … i am not into the wrong movie … was about … the change i had to do with myself. Somehow the concept about … depression …. became a positive element into my life …. having deep motivational impact … for my own soul.
It was actually … the gateway to …. change … and why not … to happiness.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
73
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
... philosophical essays
Depression is not … what it looks like.
And yes … I would even dare to define it as a … blessing.
I started to write the book …. “Depression … the gateway to
the real happiness” … trying to understanding the unhappiness from my own soul … but also trying to guide myself to get out from such a mental state.
I saw depression lots of times … all around myself … somehow being afraid of it … but also realizing it is not …. what it looks like.
Today …. analyzing my own case …. I realize it is a signal …
that says we were unhappy …. for too many days into the
