I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
1
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
ADRIAN GABRIEL DUMITRU
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Year: 2023
Author: Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
2
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
A book for all the ones that are exploring the truth about life
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
3
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
What i felt it was like a prison, was in fact … the illusion from my mind
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
4
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
INTRODUCTION
Sometimes doing nothing
… is the best path to follow
I was chasing for success for a long, long time.
I could even define those times as an eternity and i still can’t realize …. how could i be such an idiot to follow this path … for so long.
But that’s not all.
I actually followed lots of other pathless paths so many times
that i could define myself as an expert into those things. Later on …. analyzing with honesty all what was going on … i somehow realized that i was the prisoner of those situations
but also the guardian that was keeping me there.
I was not allowing myself to stop … going to nowhere ….
All what i was doing was to change a pathless path with another one and another on … and …
Well … time did not changed anything at all.
Even if i was feeling the fact that something was wrong … that part of myself that was acting as a guarding … was keeping myself the prisoner of an … ugly life. Time was passing … and again nothing changed.
It looked like i was changing the direction … but anywhere i was going … it was still going to … nowhere.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
5
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
But one day …. having enough of going to the left and to the
right …. and finding no real good result for my soul … i
decided to do something that i never did before … and that was …. simple start doing …. nothing.
The answer was so damn simple … I had to stop …. the chaos.
To stop … chasing for illusory desires.
And to think about doing … nothing … for a while … disconnecting from anything means … pathless paths … Allowing myself … at least … to stop feeling like a prisoner … even if i was living in a prison with invisible walls. Stop being the prisoner … but also the guardian.
Stop doing that … on and on and on.
Doing nothing became … a better scenario.
So … i started doing that.
And guess what?!
Little by little … my life started to change.
The pathless paths disappeared… or i should say that were replaced … by paths with a better meaning for my life. I’ve re evaluated everything … ignoring the 2 contradictory roles i was playing all the time …
So …. drinking my coffee into a lovely place … meditating
more … and taking the decision to connect only to the beautiful vibes from my life … became probably the best option i could have in mind all the time.
The chaos itself did not disappeared … but … it was not anymore … the main part of my life.
The pathless paths became … lessons of life.
And doing nothing …. which was actually the habit of
stopping the time and enjoying life … became more … a
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
6
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
hobby.
The guardian did not disappeared completely … and neither the prisoner… but i took the liberty of ignoring those roles.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
7
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Our perceptions about life define … the paths we follow
I had lots of moments when i believed in the theory about positive affirmations … but … time was passing and i realized i can’t lie myself on and on and on.
It was totally ridiculous to do it … cause deep inside me i was not really believing all those things.
Analyzing and defining myself … i understood that the dreamed change can’t come …. if i don’t really change my perceptions.
But …
Hmm…
I was changing my perceptions all the time.
Spending lots of time meditating, i was exploring life into a theoretical way from one million perspectives.
So …. practicing the theory of affirmations did not worked.
And even … changing my perceptions was useless …. for my
case.
But why?!
I read over the years about lots of people that were doing that daily … and it really worked …. but i was doing
something wrong … cause in my case i could not see absolutely no good result.
So those theories … were not for me?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
8
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
I was so damn annoyed … not understanding anything of what was going on.
But one day … i suddenly realized i was following so many pathless paths … going to the left and to the right …. with no
real purpose … cause i was just exploring the world … and nothing more.
I was dominated by my thoughts … all my contradictory thoughts … and …
Well …. maybe there were too many thoughts … and i had to
stop being the prisoner of my mind. So?! I am not the same with my mind?! Hell nooo ….
But i continued analyzing on and on and on … and all those thoughts were defining my paths.
And … i had moments with positive thoughts and moments with so, so many negative ideas into my mind ….
I became indeed a prisoner, but the funny thing was that i was into that prison of thoughts … but i was also the guardian that did not allowed myself to get out from there. So … what the hell … i had to do?! Maybe stop analyzing everything?!
Or allow to analyze … but … not to define?!
Hmm ..
Or … probably not identify myself with my illusory thoughts?! Well … i was indeed exploring the world … following so, so many nonsense paths … but it was all just part of the show of my life.
Maybe the life lesson of my life …. was to understand the
world we are living in.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
9
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
In my case that meant … following lots of pathless paths … and maybe that invisible guardian that kept me prisoner ….
for doing that on and on and on … had a positive purpose. Well … i said so many times …. maybe … that i don’t really know what is the real truth.
It’s quite obvious… but …
I am laughing of myself … but i started to accept things the way they are … even the fact that i am the prisoner, but also the guardian that is watching everything i do.
And suddenly a new idea came into my mind … what if i simple stop … thinking?!
Maybe like this … that game “the prisoner and the guarding” … just stops.
But who really knows?! … cause i don’t see any absolute truth …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
10
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
We need to see the beauty … in everything around us … but the beauty itself might be an illusion
In my country … all the stories for children start with ….
“Once upon a time” … and i recently asked myself why the hell i don’t start my philosophical essays like that?!
Well … then … i remembered that i stoped writting stories … I became more …. a philosopher… than a story teller … being obsessed of defining life …
I was trying to make people understand … things that are a lot related with my life … but also with life … in general.
And thinking even more profoundly… i realized i was avoiding to tell the truth about my life.
I became more … mysterious … coming with fake names … and stories that … in fact are hiding the real truth about my reality.
In fact … i was starting to write as the writers from the
communist times cause i was so damn abstract … defining a
reality .. by talking about another reality that has nothing to
do with mine.
Hahaha …
But why the hell i was doing that?!
Well … little by little i started to see the beauty in all what i was doing … including my writing … but realized that people
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
11
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
were judging me.
They all … were doing that.
So i stoped telling philosophical stories that were analyzing and defining my reality … and write philosophical essays .. describing in an abstract way all what was going on. Weird …
Very, very weird …but maybe i was on a good path … cause i was seeing the beautiful side of life.
And … the funny thing about me … was that i was hiding ….
of everybody … including myself … cause i was balancing a lot.
Seeing … and not seeing the beauty in everything.
Ignoring … but also declaring that it’s all an illusion … even if
that was so … damn silly.
So?!
Well …
Maybe … writing and writing … and writing … again and again and again … i’ll understand why i need to see the beautiful side … or not even bother to look at a certain side …
So …. maybe i should just continue … to explore life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
12
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
“Tasting” people
… kind of a habit
I look at my friends all the time.
I analyze and define them … as a psychological habit … but … i try to do all my best … not to judge them anymore.
And looking at John and Brian is …. really funny.
They both are in the company of lots of ladies all the time … but what is curious is that Brian is not “tasting” any of those ladies.
Once … while talking to the 2 of them … John … annoyed … even asked Brian … “How the hell could you be surrounded by so many women and avoid having sex with them?! It’s abnormal!!
A total nonsense!
You’ll regret those times!
Spoiling chances 1,2,3 … 20 times it ‘s ok.
But we talk about hundreds of ladies.
You could … taste … at least 1 or 2% of them …. but you miss
all … those opportunities.
Look how they look like …
I really can’t understand you”
Well … i was understanding what John said … but i also knew that Brian was a tricky guy.
From outside he looked like a prisoner of his own decisions … of living his life … but also like an invisible guardian that was
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
13
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
watching as him to not go deeper with all those ladies.
On the other hand … i always saw John happy cause he could have intimate relationships with the ladies from the timeline of his life.
He enjoyed … tasting … each of those beautiful women. But i just felt that something was missing from my side … from my analyzes …
I really knew that Brian was a real tricky guy … that he could not miss all those opportunities … which any man would appreciate …
Analyzing them more and more … in fact … especially Brian … ignoring the fact that i knew 100% that he cheated his wife 2-3 times … i somehow realized that he became more intimate with those ladies … than John was doing.
You see … my dear tricky Brian … was in fact talking to those ladies about lots of things …. and smiled with them all the time …
He was actually connected to all of them and exchanged lots of energy with …. their souls.
Knew that the sexual relationship between a man and a woman … meant exchange of energy, but he found this trick of connecting to them … and have kind of an abstract intimate relationship with all those souls.
Maybe somehow John connected to their bodies, but Brian ….
to their souls.
Speaking with them again about the subject … at the coffee shop … Brian finally admitted my theories about him.
In fact … like any man in his 40’es … they admitted the fact that they abuse a little about this habit of “tasting” ladies … all the time.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
14
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
The only difference between them was that one was pretending that … was … kind of a saint …
But maybe all of us … on the timeline of our lives … pretend we are doing the right thing to do … or even pretend we act as prisoners … playing in the same time this ridiculous game of prisoner … and guardian …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
15
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Sometimes for a certain type of vibration … you need to pay a certain price
I was at the coffee shop with Brian and Paul.
We were looking for city breaks around Europe and we’ve been amazed of the prices.
Everywhere you would go … it’s all about thousands of dollars.
So … what the hell?!
Why should we pay thousands of dollars for an amazing vibe
in an amazing place?! Is it ok?!
Does it worth it?!
I did not agreed with the prices … finding it totally ridiculous. Brian … was not sure what to say.
And Paul was … smiling … replying to us that … “We should pay absolutely any price … cause once we change vibration … we’ll get back 10 times more than what we invested.”
It all became a philosophical - spiritual discussion … and we were disagreeing… but on the other hand we were also analyzing all our contradictory perceptions.
We tried to see … the same concept from 100 angles … trying to act as philosophers … cause most of the time this is what we pretended … we are …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
16
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
So … should we see … a trip as an investment for a better vibe?!
I saw myself limited in my views about the huge prices from the present moment … but still there were lots of people that were going in city breaks all the time … with the belief that this is really the best trick for changing the vibe … that we were usually caring in our souls when we were at home. So … is the environment so important?!
Do we need to pay a certain amount of money for changing our vibe?!
Is this … an artificial trick?!
Should we pay all the time for those tricks to change our inner vibe?!
But what if we go in those short vacations with the wrong person?!
Me and Paul were talking … arguing somehow with our contradictory perceptions.
philosophical essays
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
1
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
ADRIAN GABRIEL DUMITRU
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Year: 2023
Author: Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
2
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
A book for all the ones that are exploring the truth about life
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
3
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
What i felt it was like a prison, was in fact … the illusion from my mind
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
4
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
INTRODUCTION
Sometimes doing nothing
… is the best path to follow
I was chasing for success for a long, long time.
I could even define those times as an eternity and i still can’t realize …. how could i be such an idiot to follow this path … for so long.
But that’s not all.
I actually followed lots of other pathless paths so many times
that i could define myself as an expert into those things. Later on …. analyzing with honesty all what was going on … i somehow realized that i was the prisoner of those situations
but also the guardian that was keeping me there.
I was not allowing myself to stop … going to nowhere ….
All what i was doing was to change a pathless path with another one and another on … and …
Well … time did not changed anything at all.
Even if i was feeling the fact that something was wrong … that part of myself that was acting as a guarding … was keeping myself the prisoner of an … ugly life. Time was passing … and again nothing changed.
It looked like i was changing the direction … but anywhere i was going … it was still going to … nowhere.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
5
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
But one day …. having enough of going to the left and to the
right …. and finding no real good result for my soul … i
decided to do something that i never did before … and that was …. simple start doing …. nothing.
The answer was so damn simple … I had to stop …. the chaos.
To stop … chasing for illusory desires.
And to think about doing … nothing … for a while … disconnecting from anything means … pathless paths … Allowing myself … at least … to stop feeling like a prisoner … even if i was living in a prison with invisible walls. Stop being the prisoner … but also the guardian.
Stop doing that … on and on and on.
Doing nothing became … a better scenario.
So … i started doing that.
And guess what?!
Little by little … my life started to change.
The pathless paths disappeared… or i should say that were replaced … by paths with a better meaning for my life. I’ve re evaluated everything … ignoring the 2 contradictory roles i was playing all the time …
So …. drinking my coffee into a lovely place … meditating
more … and taking the decision to connect only to the beautiful vibes from my life … became probably the best option i could have in mind all the time.
The chaos itself did not disappeared … but … it was not anymore … the main part of my life.
The pathless paths became … lessons of life.
And doing nothing …. which was actually the habit of
stopping the time and enjoying life … became more … a
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
6
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
hobby.
The guardian did not disappeared completely … and neither the prisoner… but i took the liberty of ignoring those roles.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
7
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Our perceptions about life define … the paths we follow
I had lots of moments when i believed in the theory about positive affirmations … but … time was passing and i realized i can’t lie myself on and on and on.
It was totally ridiculous to do it … cause deep inside me i was not really believing all those things.
Analyzing and defining myself … i understood that the dreamed change can’t come …. if i don’t really change my perceptions.
But …
Hmm…
I was changing my perceptions all the time.
Spending lots of time meditating, i was exploring life into a theoretical way from one million perspectives.
So …. practicing the theory of affirmations did not worked.
And even … changing my perceptions was useless …. for my
case.
But why?!
I read over the years about lots of people that were doing that daily … and it really worked …. but i was doing
something wrong … cause in my case i could not see absolutely no good result.
So those theories … were not for me?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
8
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
I was so damn annoyed … not understanding anything of what was going on.
But one day … i suddenly realized i was following so many pathless paths … going to the left and to the right …. with no
real purpose … cause i was just exploring the world … and nothing more.
I was dominated by my thoughts … all my contradictory thoughts … and …
Well …. maybe there were too many thoughts … and i had to
stop being the prisoner of my mind. So?! I am not the same with my mind?! Hell nooo ….
But i continued analyzing on and on and on … and all those thoughts were defining my paths.
And … i had moments with positive thoughts and moments with so, so many negative ideas into my mind ….
I became indeed a prisoner, but the funny thing was that i was into that prison of thoughts … but i was also the guardian that did not allowed myself to get out from there. So … what the hell … i had to do?! Maybe stop analyzing everything?!
Or allow to analyze … but … not to define?!
Hmm ..
Or … probably not identify myself with my illusory thoughts?! Well … i was indeed exploring the world … following so, so many nonsense paths … but it was all just part of the show of my life.
Maybe the life lesson of my life …. was to understand the
world we are living in.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
9
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
In my case that meant … following lots of pathless paths … and maybe that invisible guardian that kept me prisoner ….
for doing that on and on and on … had a positive purpose. Well … i said so many times …. maybe … that i don’t really know what is the real truth.
It’s quite obvious… but …
I am laughing of myself … but i started to accept things the way they are … even the fact that i am the prisoner, but also the guardian that is watching everything i do.
And suddenly a new idea came into my mind … what if i simple stop … thinking?!
Maybe like this … that game “the prisoner and the guarding” … just stops.
But who really knows?! … cause i don’t see any absolute truth …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
10
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
We need to see the beauty … in everything around us … but the beauty itself might be an illusion
In my country … all the stories for children start with ….
“Once upon a time” … and i recently asked myself why the hell i don’t start my philosophical essays like that?!
Well … then … i remembered that i stoped writting stories … I became more …. a philosopher… than a story teller … being obsessed of defining life …
I was trying to make people understand … things that are a lot related with my life … but also with life … in general.
And thinking even more profoundly… i realized i was avoiding to tell the truth about my life.
I became more … mysterious … coming with fake names … and stories that … in fact are hiding the real truth about my reality.
In fact … i was starting to write as the writers from the
communist times cause i was so damn abstract … defining a
reality .. by talking about another reality that has nothing to
do with mine.
Hahaha …
But why the hell i was doing that?!
Well … little by little i started to see the beauty in all what i was doing … including my writing … but realized that people
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
11
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
were judging me.
They all … were doing that.
So i stoped telling philosophical stories that were analyzing and defining my reality … and write philosophical essays .. describing in an abstract way all what was going on. Weird …
Very, very weird …but maybe i was on a good path … cause i was seeing the beautiful side of life.
And … the funny thing about me … was that i was hiding ….
of everybody … including myself … cause i was balancing a lot.
Seeing … and not seeing the beauty in everything.
Ignoring … but also declaring that it’s all an illusion … even if
that was so … damn silly.
So?!
Well …
Maybe … writing and writing … and writing … again and again and again … i’ll understand why i need to see the beautiful side … or not even bother to look at a certain side …
So …. maybe i should just continue … to explore life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
12
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
“Tasting” people
… kind of a habit
I look at my friends all the time.
I analyze and define them … as a psychological habit … but … i try to do all my best … not to judge them anymore.
And looking at John and Brian is …. really funny.
They both are in the company of lots of ladies all the time … but what is curious is that Brian is not “tasting” any of those ladies.
Once … while talking to the 2 of them … John … annoyed … even asked Brian … “How the hell could you be surrounded by so many women and avoid having sex with them?! It’s abnormal!!
A total nonsense!
You’ll regret those times!
Spoiling chances 1,2,3 … 20 times it ‘s ok.
But we talk about hundreds of ladies.
You could … taste … at least 1 or 2% of them …. but you miss
all … those opportunities.
Look how they look like …
I really can’t understand you”
Well … i was understanding what John said … but i also knew that Brian was a tricky guy.
From outside he looked like a prisoner of his own decisions … of living his life … but also like an invisible guardian that was
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
13
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
watching as him to not go deeper with all those ladies.
On the other hand … i always saw John happy cause he could have intimate relationships with the ladies from the timeline of his life.
He enjoyed … tasting … each of those beautiful women. But i just felt that something was missing from my side … from my analyzes …
I really knew that Brian was a real tricky guy … that he could not miss all those opportunities … which any man would appreciate …
Analyzing them more and more … in fact … especially Brian … ignoring the fact that i knew 100% that he cheated his wife 2-3 times … i somehow realized that he became more intimate with those ladies … than John was doing.
You see … my dear tricky Brian … was in fact talking to those ladies about lots of things …. and smiled with them all the time …
He was actually connected to all of them and exchanged lots of energy with …. their souls.
Knew that the sexual relationship between a man and a woman … meant exchange of energy, but he found this trick of connecting to them … and have kind of an abstract intimate relationship with all those souls.
Maybe somehow John connected to their bodies, but Brian ….
to their souls.
Speaking with them again about the subject … at the coffee shop … Brian finally admitted my theories about him.
In fact … like any man in his 40’es … they admitted the fact that they abuse a little about this habit of “tasting” ladies … all the time.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
14
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
The only difference between them was that one was pretending that … was … kind of a saint …
But maybe all of us … on the timeline of our lives … pretend we are doing the right thing to do … or even pretend we act as prisoners … playing in the same time this ridiculous game of prisoner … and guardian …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
15
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Sometimes for a certain type of vibration … you need to pay a certain price
I was at the coffee shop with Brian and Paul.
We were looking for city breaks around Europe and we’ve been amazed of the prices.
Everywhere you would go … it’s all about thousands of dollars.
So … what the hell?!
Why should we pay thousands of dollars for an amazing vibe
in an amazing place?! Is it ok?!
Does it worth it?!
I did not agreed with the prices … finding it totally ridiculous. Brian … was not sure what to say.
And Paul was … smiling … replying to us that … “We should pay absolutely any price … cause once we change vibration … we’ll get back 10 times more than what we invested.”
It all became a philosophical - spiritual discussion … and we were disagreeing… but on the other hand we were also analyzing all our contradictory perceptions.
We tried to see … the same concept from 100 angles … trying to act as philosophers … cause most of the time this is what we pretended … we are …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
16
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
So … should we see … a trip as an investment for a better vibe?!
I saw myself limited in my views about the huge prices from the present moment … but still there were lots of people that were going in city breaks all the time … with the belief that this is really the best trick for changing the vibe … that we were usually caring in our souls when we were at home. So … is the environment so important?!
Do we need to pay a certain amount of money for changing our vibe?!
Is this … an artificial trick?!
Should we pay all the time for those tricks to change our inner vibe?!
But what if we go in those short vacations with the wrong person?!
Me and Paul were talking … arguing somehow with our contradictory perceptions.
