Even if it does not look like that …. the ugly story of dominating starts again … and again.
Somehow history is repeating on and on and on.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
85
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
I am saying all the time that i don’t believe in domination … but all i do reveals that i want as my world to be … part of … my prison.
To look like …. my perceptions.
And no change appears …
I know few theoretical things about the change that i should do in life … but … it’s useless.
I say all the time, that i don’t believe in domination … and i should just synchronize with the world … and i know that this is the path … but …
Maybe i am still the prisoner of my perceptions …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
86
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Imagine a world where everything it’s a reflection of your thoughts. Would life be amazing … or still illusory?!
I’ve read a lot about the law of attraction into my past. And i did all my best to master this law … but … even if i succeeded doing that …. I somehow still find it … illusory.
I remember i’ve read a book few years ago … about a guy that was defining into an amazing way all the steps for practicing the law of attraction.
The author … even wrote many episodes from his own life … hoping he will be better understood by the public.
I smile remembering about the story … when he defined what type of lady he wanted to have into his life …. and what he would like as her to do … or say to him.
He was visualizing for long time … this best case scenario for his love life … hoping … but also having lots of moments when he was really believing that it will happen to him. And one day … it really happened.
That lady appeared into his life.
She was a beautiful lady … with an amazing soul …. just like
in his dreams.
And it was even more … weird.
She was acting exactly how he had visualized.
And everything she was saying to him … scared him to death.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
87
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
It was like someone had written all the words she was saying to him … but …
In one point … the author realized that he was actually the writer of the scenario … with the love story. The way it happened …
The way she looked like …
The way she was doing everything ….
And all she was saying to him.
Scared … the guy goes to a sorcerer … tells him the whole story … and … ask for guidance.
The sorcerer smiles … and replies … “It is so … so funny … seeing the ordinary human being …. trying to learn the art of
connecting to the absolute powers of the Universe … like a sorcerer is doing … and … the moment it happens to have access to those amazing energies beyond reality … the humans … get scared to death …
And i see that in your eyes too ….
It’s like you became prisoner of a reality built by your own mind … and you don’t know what to do and believe anymore. Find it illusory …. but … just happened … “
The writer leaves the house of the sorcerer … and … still amazed … finds himself in the position of not knowing what to say anymore to the public … that mastering the law of attraction is a good thing or an illusion …. that might drive us crazy.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
88
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Some are living trapped into a prison of emotions … but some are living with the handicap of being aemotional.
And don’t really know what the best option is.
I analyze all the time the people around myself.
And i also analyze myself a lot.
Today i see that i am not dominated by my emotions anymore.
… which i find .. or believe … it’s good.
But i somehow metamorphosed myself into a zombie that is not feeling anything … anymore.
So … if you would ask me … what is the best … i could not really say … what is the version i like most at myself. Experiencing both scenarios … switching from one state to another … on and on and on … i could not really find the middle way.
Never ….
The moment when i realized i am a zombie … i wanted to feel alive again …. and have emotions …. but the moment when i
felt so intense all what was going on … became scared and without any escape.
If was indeed like balancing between being the prisoner of my emotions … and being a free zombie.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
89
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
And more i’ve analyzed … more i’ve saw all as a nonsense.
I could never … but absolutely never … find the middle way.
Was looking like a person …. that did not knew to manage
the connection with my soul ….
I knew it was all an art … but most probably i’ll never master
this.
Never …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
90
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Evertything does not happen is … for the best
We have lots of dreams.
… and also an infinite list with desires.
We pay a huge attention as the things to happen into the way we want them to happen … and we are really disappointed if things goes differently.
We even meditate a lot of why we can’t really get things in life … exactly like in our plans?!
We try more … and more to fight for those dreams. We find motivation … as an amazing tool for the list of desires … but we don’t align our minds … not even for a second to what really happens into the real life. We simple can’t practice acceptance.
We don’t want to ask … why if we really want so deeply some of the things … we can’t get them … no matter what. Why can’t we synchronize with the Universe?!
Why the Universe does not listen to us?!
But looking back in time … analyzing my list of desires … i see so many contradictions on the timeline of my life. Years ago … i really wanted things which are contradictory with the present way of seeing the world.
And … i continue meditating … refusing to accept what the Universe has to say.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
91
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
Most probably i can’t understand the concept of … Infinite
Intelligence … and practice the acceptance … that a religious
person is practicing.
It’s not my style.
Being trapped into the illusion of the self … so, so deeply … i just can’t accept anything … except what i think is the best for myself.
But what is the best?!
What do we want today is actually ….
Well … so, so many thoughts.
So many …. desires.
But … still … no matter what we can’t get rid of the illusion of the self.
We can’t understand the connection … and the implications between all what is going on around ourselves.
We see just the desire … and the obsession of having that desire.
And nothing more …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
92
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Karma is not a prison … but can become like that … if we don’t pay attention at details.
And that can … hurt a lot.
Today … i see around myself lots of people … cheating.
And it all looks like a damn … nonsense.
Total … nonsense.
And i see men … but also … women doing that.
In all sorts of … forms.
Some are doing it into a sexual way.
Some … not being so courageous … are just cheating in their … minds.
Having the desire of doing it … but still not doing it.
Some are staying on chat … talking to other possible future partners.
I see lots of ways of doing that. And i start asking myself … why?!
From outside … it all looks so … illogical.
I had the chance to see … even close friends of mine that are doing that.
I was asking myself …. how the hell a guy … with such a
beautiful wife … could cheat her?!
I was looking at his beautiful wife … that really looked as an amazing woman and could not understand why things were
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
93
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
like that?
I also saw ladies … that had husbands which looked like real wonderful person …. but … the same story … of cheating …
So … why those people which looks like living in perfect life scenarios … would do something so … stupid?! Are they simple … idiots?!
… not realizing what they do?! … Hmm …
I don’t believe so…
I’ve analyzed them a lot … and it all looked like they were living a karmic scenario … and had enough of it.
It’s like … they felt prisoners in stories … which even if it looked like from outside … as something ok … or even very good …. many, many times … it was totally contradictory. I tried to understand those stories.
And i still continue to analyze and define … why the hell a connection … becomes like a prison.
Most certainly … many people are just living karmic scenarios
but not understanding the karmic meaning of all what is going on … it all becomes indeed a prison.
An illusory … karmic prison.
And cheating looks like an occasionally way of not feeling … prisoner anymore.
But maybe both scenarios are part of the illusion of life. Paying attention at all the details regarding our existence …. becomes … a must.
And … even if we know it … we just delay all … pretending we can’t see the real truth ….
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
94
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Living without goals and
dreams … a weird … but intesting plan
I see today lots of people interested about motivation … and all related with that.
But i also noticed by a long time … many persons that are already 40 or more … that they don’t talk anymore about that.
You could even say that they don’t even know what this concept is about.
So i wonder myself … what is the best scenario to follow in life?!
And … i still not have an answer.
My friend Mark … recently complained to me that when he is dating a new lady … and is usually asked to define his life … he don’t really know what to say anymore. Last week Eve asked him:
“Tell me what are your plans and goals for the future?!” And having again a moment of sincere naivety …. Mark … replied:
“Well … my new vision of life … is to live without plans and goals.”
The conversation between them … almost stoped … instantaneous.
Eve finished her coffee and left … few minutes later … realizing Mark is a lost guy and she doesn’t have what to do
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
95
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
with him … in a real relationship.
For her it was all … a waste of time.
Another date with … the wrong guy.
And maybe for Mark also … another date with the wrong lady. But he also knew that all those meetings with the ladies from internet … were carrying a powerful message for him philosophy …
And still … he started to feel like a prisoner …. cursed to date
with … the wrong lady.
For a second … i closed my eyes and started to ask myself … what the hell should i do if i should be … Mark?! Maybe i should just become … a liar.
And start to tell them exactly what they want to hear.
But same as Mark … i look like a lost soul too … and it’s all totally obvious.
So … no matter what i should say … most certainly i would probably reveal my real philosophy sooner or later. I just look a lot with … Mark.
But what we certainly forget to define in front of the public is that our vision of living without plans … means actually that we understood many times that the Universe laughed of our silly goals or dreams … and saw how many of our plans were ruined into the end.
Today … maybe we accept just one plan … the divine one … and do our best to connect to the moment. Everything else … is useless.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
96
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Many times it’s about … a dance of energies.
Watching, analyzing, defining …. but also
accepting and embracing all what is going on … it’s part of the process. That process of understanding … life.
I had many moments in life when i felt myself dominated by the reality of that moment.
It happened so, so many times … and it’s still happening.
I feel like a prisoner of a world … that is not the one i wanted for myself.
And more i try to get out from there … much difficult becomes all.
In one point … i started to hate the fact that i wake up in the morning … and see as a big release the fact that in the night
i am allowed to go to sleep and enter to another world for few hours.
But … meditating … listening to my friend Paul … that is telling me all time … “It’s a new day! A new chance to enjoy it!” … i started to wonder myself …. “Why the hell i am not doing that?!”
Me and my friend … were living into the same Universe … but i felt a prisoner … and he was enjoying life all the time.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
97
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
Had a contrary attitude on life … and even worst .. he was laughing of what i defined as … “my problems”.
But thinking more and more … i discovered a trick … the one
of disconnecting from the energies of my present moment.
At least from …. time to time.
It was all a simple … decision.
And suddenly i discovered that it’s not that i dislike this world
but a certain dance of energies that are around myself. I was dominated not by reality …. but by certain elements from this reality … and i realized i can simple disconnect … and ignore their presence on the timeline of my life.
Time was passing … and i was making progresses in … understanding all is going on.
I realized that i can take the decision of cutting the connection between me and any other type of energy that … i dislike.
Suddenly … watching at this dance as a simple show … ignoring all is going on … and being just a spectator …. not feeling connected to anything … i started to feel more … relaxed.
I somehow began to accept the concept that it was all … part of this karmic process that was revealing me the secrets of life.
And i had to act better … on the stage of .. reality.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
98
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
When no therapy works … try a love story
Studying too much philosophy and spirituality, understanding and also really believing that life is an … illusion …. and
wanting to find out more about the illusion of the self ….
Oliver wrote me.
He was attracted of the fact … that in many of my books i usually use the term “illusion”.
I smiled seeing his message … not really considering myself an expert into that subject … cause on the scene of the real life … i was not really recognizing … the illusion.
Somehow history is repeating on and on and on.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
85
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
I am saying all the time that i don’t believe in domination … but all i do reveals that i want as my world to be … part of … my prison.
To look like …. my perceptions.
And no change appears …
I know few theoretical things about the change that i should do in life … but … it’s useless.
I say all the time, that i don’t believe in domination … and i should just synchronize with the world … and i know that this is the path … but …
Maybe i am still the prisoner of my perceptions …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
86
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Imagine a world where everything it’s a reflection of your thoughts. Would life be amazing … or still illusory?!
I’ve read a lot about the law of attraction into my past. And i did all my best to master this law … but … even if i succeeded doing that …. I somehow still find it … illusory.
I remember i’ve read a book few years ago … about a guy that was defining into an amazing way all the steps for practicing the law of attraction.
The author … even wrote many episodes from his own life … hoping he will be better understood by the public.
I smile remembering about the story … when he defined what type of lady he wanted to have into his life …. and what he would like as her to do … or say to him.
He was visualizing for long time … this best case scenario for his love life … hoping … but also having lots of moments when he was really believing that it will happen to him. And one day … it really happened.
That lady appeared into his life.
She was a beautiful lady … with an amazing soul …. just like
in his dreams.
And it was even more … weird.
She was acting exactly how he had visualized.
And everything she was saying to him … scared him to death.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
87
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
It was like someone had written all the words she was saying to him … but …
In one point … the author realized that he was actually the writer of the scenario … with the love story. The way it happened …
The way she looked like …
The way she was doing everything ….
And all she was saying to him.
Scared … the guy goes to a sorcerer … tells him the whole story … and … ask for guidance.
The sorcerer smiles … and replies … “It is so … so funny … seeing the ordinary human being …. trying to learn the art of
connecting to the absolute powers of the Universe … like a sorcerer is doing … and … the moment it happens to have access to those amazing energies beyond reality … the humans … get scared to death …
And i see that in your eyes too ….
It’s like you became prisoner of a reality built by your own mind … and you don’t know what to do and believe anymore. Find it illusory …. but … just happened … “
The writer leaves the house of the sorcerer … and … still amazed … finds himself in the position of not knowing what to say anymore to the public … that mastering the law of attraction is a good thing or an illusion …. that might drive us crazy.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
88
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Some are living trapped into a prison of emotions … but some are living with the handicap of being aemotional.
And don’t really know what the best option is.
I analyze all the time the people around myself.
And i also analyze myself a lot.
Today i see that i am not dominated by my emotions anymore.
… which i find .. or believe … it’s good.
But i somehow metamorphosed myself into a zombie that is not feeling anything … anymore.
So … if you would ask me … what is the best … i could not really say … what is the version i like most at myself. Experiencing both scenarios … switching from one state to another … on and on and on … i could not really find the middle way.
Never ….
The moment when i realized i am a zombie … i wanted to feel alive again …. and have emotions …. but the moment when i
felt so intense all what was going on … became scared and without any escape.
If was indeed like balancing between being the prisoner of my emotions … and being a free zombie.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
89
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
And more i’ve analyzed … more i’ve saw all as a nonsense.
I could never … but absolutely never … find the middle way.
Was looking like a person …. that did not knew to manage
the connection with my soul ….
I knew it was all an art … but most probably i’ll never master
this.
Never …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
90
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Evertything does not happen is … for the best
We have lots of dreams.
… and also an infinite list with desires.
We pay a huge attention as the things to happen into the way we want them to happen … and we are really disappointed if things goes differently.
We even meditate a lot of why we can’t really get things in life … exactly like in our plans?!
We try more … and more to fight for those dreams. We find motivation … as an amazing tool for the list of desires … but we don’t align our minds … not even for a second to what really happens into the real life. We simple can’t practice acceptance.
We don’t want to ask … why if we really want so deeply some of the things … we can’t get them … no matter what. Why can’t we synchronize with the Universe?!
Why the Universe does not listen to us?!
But looking back in time … analyzing my list of desires … i see so many contradictions on the timeline of my life. Years ago … i really wanted things which are contradictory with the present way of seeing the world.
And … i continue meditating … refusing to accept what the Universe has to say.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
91
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
Most probably i can’t understand the concept of … Infinite
Intelligence … and practice the acceptance … that a religious
person is practicing.
It’s not my style.
Being trapped into the illusion of the self … so, so deeply … i just can’t accept anything … except what i think is the best for myself.
But what is the best?!
What do we want today is actually ….
Well … so, so many thoughts.
So many …. desires.
But … still … no matter what we can’t get rid of the illusion of the self.
We can’t understand the connection … and the implications between all what is going on around ourselves.
We see just the desire … and the obsession of having that desire.
And nothing more …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
92
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Karma is not a prison … but can become like that … if we don’t pay attention at details.
And that can … hurt a lot.
Today … i see around myself lots of people … cheating.
And it all looks like a damn … nonsense.
Total … nonsense.
And i see men … but also … women doing that.
In all sorts of … forms.
Some are doing it into a sexual way.
Some … not being so courageous … are just cheating in their … minds.
Having the desire of doing it … but still not doing it.
Some are staying on chat … talking to other possible future partners.
I see lots of ways of doing that. And i start asking myself … why?!
From outside … it all looks so … illogical.
I had the chance to see … even close friends of mine that are doing that.
I was asking myself …. how the hell a guy … with such a
beautiful wife … could cheat her?!
I was looking at his beautiful wife … that really looked as an amazing woman and could not understand why things were
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
93
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
like that?
I also saw ladies … that had husbands which looked like real wonderful person …. but … the same story … of cheating …
So … why those people which looks like living in perfect life scenarios … would do something so … stupid?! Are they simple … idiots?!
… not realizing what they do?! … Hmm …
I don’t believe so…
I’ve analyzed them a lot … and it all looked like they were living a karmic scenario … and had enough of it.
It’s like … they felt prisoners in stories … which even if it looked like from outside … as something ok … or even very good …. many, many times … it was totally contradictory. I tried to understand those stories.
And i still continue to analyze and define … why the hell a connection … becomes like a prison.
Most certainly … many people are just living karmic scenarios
but not understanding the karmic meaning of all what is going on … it all becomes indeed a prison.
An illusory … karmic prison.
And cheating looks like an occasionally way of not feeling … prisoner anymore.
But maybe both scenarios are part of the illusion of life. Paying attention at all the details regarding our existence …. becomes … a must.
And … even if we know it … we just delay all … pretending we can’t see the real truth ….
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
94
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Living without goals and
dreams … a weird … but intesting plan
I see today lots of people interested about motivation … and all related with that.
But i also noticed by a long time … many persons that are already 40 or more … that they don’t talk anymore about that.
You could even say that they don’t even know what this concept is about.
So i wonder myself … what is the best scenario to follow in life?!
And … i still not have an answer.
My friend Mark … recently complained to me that when he is dating a new lady … and is usually asked to define his life … he don’t really know what to say anymore. Last week Eve asked him:
“Tell me what are your plans and goals for the future?!” And having again a moment of sincere naivety …. Mark … replied:
“Well … my new vision of life … is to live without plans and goals.”
The conversation between them … almost stoped … instantaneous.
Eve finished her coffee and left … few minutes later … realizing Mark is a lost guy and she doesn’t have what to do
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
95
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
with him … in a real relationship.
For her it was all … a waste of time.
Another date with … the wrong guy.
And maybe for Mark also … another date with the wrong lady. But he also knew that all those meetings with the ladies from internet … were carrying a powerful message for him philosophy …
And still … he started to feel like a prisoner …. cursed to date
with … the wrong lady.
For a second … i closed my eyes and started to ask myself … what the hell should i do if i should be … Mark?! Maybe i should just become … a liar.
And start to tell them exactly what they want to hear.
But same as Mark … i look like a lost soul too … and it’s all totally obvious.
So … no matter what i should say … most certainly i would probably reveal my real philosophy sooner or later. I just look a lot with … Mark.
But what we certainly forget to define in front of the public is that our vision of living without plans … means actually that we understood many times that the Universe laughed of our silly goals or dreams … and saw how many of our plans were ruined into the end.
Today … maybe we accept just one plan … the divine one … and do our best to connect to the moment. Everything else … is useless.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
96
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Many times it’s about … a dance of energies.
Watching, analyzing, defining …. but also
accepting and embracing all what is going on … it’s part of the process. That process of understanding … life.
I had many moments in life when i felt myself dominated by the reality of that moment.
It happened so, so many times … and it’s still happening.
I feel like a prisoner of a world … that is not the one i wanted for myself.
And more i try to get out from there … much difficult becomes all.
In one point … i started to hate the fact that i wake up in the morning … and see as a big release the fact that in the night
i am allowed to go to sleep and enter to another world for few hours.
But … meditating … listening to my friend Paul … that is telling me all time … “It’s a new day! A new chance to enjoy it!” … i started to wonder myself …. “Why the hell i am not doing that?!”
Me and my friend … were living into the same Universe … but i felt a prisoner … and he was enjoying life all the time.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
97
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
Had a contrary attitude on life … and even worst .. he was laughing of what i defined as … “my problems”.
But thinking more and more … i discovered a trick … the one
of disconnecting from the energies of my present moment.
At least from …. time to time.
It was all a simple … decision.
And suddenly i discovered that it’s not that i dislike this world
but a certain dance of energies that are around myself. I was dominated not by reality …. but by certain elements from this reality … and i realized i can simple disconnect … and ignore their presence on the timeline of my life.
Time was passing … and i was making progresses in … understanding all is going on.
I realized that i can take the decision of cutting the connection between me and any other type of energy that … i dislike.
Suddenly … watching at this dance as a simple show … ignoring all is going on … and being just a spectator …. not feeling connected to anything … i started to feel more … relaxed.
I somehow began to accept the concept that it was all … part of this karmic process that was revealing me the secrets of life.
And i had to act better … on the stage of .. reality.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
98
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
When no therapy works … try a love story
Studying too much philosophy and spirituality, understanding and also really believing that life is an … illusion …. and
wanting to find out more about the illusion of the self ….
Oliver wrote me.
He was attracted of the fact … that in many of my books i usually use the term “illusion”.
I smiled seeing his message … not really considering myself an expert into that subject … cause on the scene of the real life … i was not really recognizing … the illusion.
