They can go to work, to read books, to stay in the yard, to play football etc etc.
It’s like they are free … prisoners.
And suddenly i realized that some of the unhappy persons that i used to know by such a long, long time … are somehow the same as those people from prison.
They looked like what my friend that just got back from prison defined as … free prisoners.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
45
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
All those people … were living in the same time a happy-unhappy life.
Quite contradictory … but realistic.
So … what was the trick?!
Well … most probably even if they were prisoners in this prison with invisible walls … during the day … they allowed themselves to be … free.
Some decided to dedicate their lives to … arts.
Some were going to fishing … all the time.
Some as me … started to write.
And some … simple decided to have a parallel life with … another partner.
Not being happy at home … any kind of escape … was amazing.
And the parallel life … helps a lot … to survive and continue life.
So … should we judge those people that they live in 2 worlds?!
Analyzing myself … trying to understand the contradictory thoughts from my writings … but also the fact that i am accused by close family members that i have this weird parallel life too … i simple don’t reply anything … anymore. I just continue life …. ignoring that i am a prisoner in a prisoner with invisible walls.
And … i allow myself to be free … whatever that means in my perceptions … that change so, so often.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
46
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Sometimes it’s all just about sex … and nothing more.
It will be useless to consider
another option.
Into the times i wrote love essays … i’ve received lots of emails and messages from many people from around the world.
All i somehow concluded was that no matter if someone is in California …. or a far away village from Nigeria … the problems are almost the same.
For example Antoine from Lion, France … wrote me for almost 2 years in a row about his love affair with Camille. He gave me so many details … that i could write 10 books about love … if i would tell you the whole story … but … Well … somehow … no matter how many beautiful details Antoine gave to me … i felt that the story itself was mainly about sex ... and nothing more …
I over protected my friend and did not told him that … but … i was realizing they simple don’t have the same values in life. Until one day … when he wrote me disappointed … telling me
that met again … went at a hotel … made love and after explaining her the story about his loan at the bank with the big villa from Nice … that in the end he lost … because of some big financial problems … she first started to laugh.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
47
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
She was so, so stupid … that she laughed of him … cause he lost that amazing property.
She was explaining him … how much she loves him … but on
the other hand … she was laughing hearing the huge
problems from his real life.
Antoine was disappointed.
And he kept asking me on and on and on … “how the hell … a person that told me one million times that she loved me so much … had a total disrespect for my real life?!” How it could all be … so, so illusory?!
Hmm ….
I knew long time ago … that Antoine … being so interested about philosophy and spirituality … did not have the same values of life as her.
Maybe sex between them was amazing … but it was all just about sex … and nothing more …
Antoine was begging me to give him an interpretation of all what he was telling me … expecting to be on the side of the so called love story … but i could not pretend anymore … that i don’t see the dark side of all what is going on.
I was smiling … speaking on the phone with Antoine. “My friend … you are just idiot!
I really love you … but i don’t think i’ll listen to you for
another 2 more years … about the so called love story that
you have with Camille.
It’s not a love story.
It’s just a great story about sex … and nothing more.
Maybe she likes you … but already dislikes by a long time the fact that you keep her prisoner into a hotel room.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
48
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
But she also keeps you prisoner of a so called love story … by almost 2 years.
You … both of you … should accept the status of your relationship.
It’s time to not lie anymore one to another. Say it …. that it’s all about … sex.
You simple don’t have the same values of life.
You are on an vibrational field … and she is a in totally different one.
Lying yourself … forever … not accepting the real truth about everything … it’s just stupid of … you.”
Antoine did not liked so much my words .. but it was so dam clear for myself to see the real truth ….
Or maybe it was … just a perception.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
49
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
We have the fundamental right to stop being … prisoners into a scene which we thought it’s part of a free world
We claim today so, so load …. that there are no slaves into
this society where we live in … that i start laughing about myself … while using terms as prison, prisoners etc etc. And of course i used to say more … “prisoner” … instead of “slave” … but maybe the last term it’s probably the best and the correct one.
But it looks like a blasphemy even that …
I continue doing that … ignoring the fact that they all disliked me so much … painting such a perception. Hmm …
I feel that the real truth is that the world … all those scenes of live … are for us actually the cells of a prison that we name as idiots … life.
The job becomes … a prison.
The marriage … also.
Even the friendships.
People change around us … and even if we used to like them into the past … today it’s all changed.
We dislike reality … and we do nothing to get out of that ….
We feel trapped … but we look around and there is no guardian to watch so that we could not escape from there. But … we don’t change anything.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
50
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
We complain of all around us.
Of friends, of family, of work, of the place where we live … of
everything.
And …
Life continues … not really doing nothing against the fact … that we feel and act as prisoners.
Or even worst …. as slaves.
We dislike this perception … and many people tell me that it’s a depressive one …. but that is the truth. The real truth.
Or maybe we are just idiots … playing in the same time the role of the prisoner, but also of the guardian.
One side of us wants to escape … the other one is watching as this not to happen.
We ignore the fact that we have the fundamental right to get out of scenes which we thought it’s part of a free world. We realize it was all an illusion.
The job is not the job we really dreamed for.
The marriage and the partner is not how we imagine that will
be …
And …
Everything is so, so fucking different than what we dreamed for us.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
51
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Sometimes … saying nothing
and running away of everything it’s the only real chance.
Maria had a love story with George by more than 6 months. She was married, but the husband was far, far away … and they were actually disconnected as souls by a long time.
I was not judging Maria, but … still i could not understand why the hell she was with George.
The guy was an alcoholic … and actually an ugly soul … but she liked his company.
Months later … she tells him that she goes with the daughter to the supermarket to buy her a chocolate … and even asks him if he wants anything for him.
Jump into her car … not even taking her luggages … and leaves to her home … 1000 km away.
The next day … i write her again … smiling.
“What the hell happened my dear?!
You got out of the prison of love?!
Thought you love that guy …”
We were friends … and she allowed me to be sarcastic with her … but deep inside herself i knew that she was suffering a lot.
She felt that the love story with George … is a pathless path. The one with the husband was a pathless path … by years … so …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
52
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
She was wondering herself … “what the hell am i going to do?!
Don’t i deserve anything else than pathless paths?!” Well … Maria knew i was writing about that.
I could be defined as a guide on those pathless paths.
But i was respecting all her decisions.
The one of cheating her husband.
The one of leaving George without telling him absolutely nothing.
Analyzing Maria … i was understanding the human being. I saw her walking on pathless paths … but i was doing the same.
It was about other type of stories … but i was still the prisoner of the … pathless paths.
I did not found the gut … as Maria found … to leave in silence the scenes which she realized that are not her paths.
It’s good i was not judging her … but it’s stupid of me i could not really understand the message she was … whispering.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
53
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Simple tell them you’re absent … even if they see you … and maybe you’re lucky and they’ll leave you alone.
I made the mistake many, many times in life to interact with too many people.
I call it a … mistake today … even if i loved so much socializing.
It was like i was feeding myself with a weird energy … which i enjoyed a lot.
Most probably it was the energy of that connection …. I had
with those people.
Socializing became kind of a hobby for me … until one day when i realized that in fact …. I was even starting to make money … huge amounts of money … simple by socializing.
But i was not aware of the influences.
of the exchange of energies.
of the desire of domination … that people around myself had.
Continued doing that … for years.
tens of years.
I was lying to myself that socializing it’s good.
Well … until one day when i realized i had better vibes when i was alone … and in fact socializing was fucking my energies most of the times.
So i started to make a new test.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
54
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
Instead of connecting to all those people from the scene of my life … i’ve disconnected from them. And remained totally … disconnected.
Smiled them friendly … said few polite words all the time … but refused to connect to their energies.
I was present … but totally absent … in the same time.
I started to live into my inner world.
More … and more … and more.
Being absent on the stage of my life … was absolutely normal ….
They started to notice it.
They realized the absence of the connection.
They understood … i stoped the connection and that i am not interested anymore of being connected with them.
I even looked like a person … suffering of autism … but i liked it.
Actually i started to love being … absent.
I did not left the scene of my life … but even if i was there … i was living in my inner world.
And it was like … i was in a prison with invisible walls … but i was also a free person.
My inner world looked like the … infinite.
I liked it a lot … so i’ve started to tell all of them that i’m absent … even if they could see me in front of their eyes.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
55
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN
philosophical essays
Connecting and disconnecting … such a weird habit
My friend John wrote me again … telling me about the way he’s exploring life all the time.
He’s american …. and he’s in my country as CEO for an
important multinational company.
But you see … in the real life … he’s a simple guy that same as me … is chasing for beautiful vibes all the time.
And sometimes the Universe was really giving him … those experiences.
Being on the streets, walking alone …. he suddenly sees how
a car is hitting a young lady on the zebra.
He goes right away there … calls the ambulance …. police is
also coming ….
It was not a real tragedy, but the girl had a panic attack … and was not really feeling good.
Had some small pains …. and one second before the
ambulance to leave … Iryna asks John to come with her at the hospital … cause she is afraid to go there alone.
John … smiled …. and said … yes.
A young lady … of 21 …. invited him for a ride .. with the
ambulance.
It was all like the script of a … movie.
Iryna was smiling to him …. and asks him to give her his
hand.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
56
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
She really needed the support of someone into such a moment … and it looked like my friend was the perfect person for that.
John totally forgot about his duties as a CEO.
Touching her hand … he felt such an amazing connection with her.
It was like they knew each other by a lifetime.
The touch of her hand … was giving him such an amazing energy …. and John could not believe it ….
The Universe was playing around with him … one more time …. sending him into such a story.
Staying few hours into her company … holding her hand all the time … he felt amazing.
An unknown person … appeared from nowhere … was somehow offering him an amazing vibe … just by touching his hand.
But then John left the hospital …. being called by his duties
from his work.
Forgetting to ask for her phone number … keeping into his mind and heart … the magic touch of that young lady … feeling even a little bit hypnotized …. John calls me … It was another … John …
Connected to such different … vibes.
That multinational company kept him prisoner … away from beautiful vibes.
Many were envying him for his position of his career … but John already started to dream of another Universe.
He had just … enough …. of his problems from business …
and thought it came the time to stop being a prisoner of that company.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
57
I WAS THE PRISONER … BUT ALSO THE GUARDIAN philosophical essays
That girl made him dream of another type of life …. but he
maybe needed someone to come … hold him by hand … and simple go away.
Just like it happened on the streets … with the car accident.
And maybe it was not about Iryna … but … who knows ….
One day the Universe might open new doors … to the all of us.
