PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
PRETENDING
... a way of wasting our lives
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
1
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
ADRIAN GABRIEL DUMITRU
PRETENDING … a way of wasting our lives
philosophical essays
Year: 2023
Author: Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
2
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
To all of the ones that dare to analyze their lives ... a little bit deeper
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
3
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I lost too many things in life … just cause … on the scene of the real life … i don’t really say what i think … feel … or say.It’s like … i pretend.
But inside myself … i live with the hope and the expectation as … all my feelings … hidden under a weird silly mask … to be revealed by the connection.
maybe sometimes it’s too late … even if … it is said thar real connections are eternal
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
4
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
All my writings are kind of a … self therapy
And i was writing on and on and on …. defining my feelings
and thoughts …
But it was a little bit funny realizing the contradiction between what i thought, what i felt deep inside of my soul … and how i was acting on the stage of life.
analyzing and defining myself … the one that i thought i was … deep into my soul … and the one from the outside world … i was realizing it’s such a huge difference.
And still … i was trying to be better … but all i was doing was
pretending … on and on and on.
But why?!
Why … this huge different between my inner self and the one from the stage of life?!
I knew the theory … and knew all i had to do … and i was really pretending … i was doing the right thing, but …
Well …. most probably my real problem … which was a huge
one …. was probably that i was disconnected from my inner
self.
I knew about that self.
I knew it exists … and i had to be one with it … and even if i was pretending i was doing the right thing … it was all a lie. I was lying myself … pretending … on and on and on … Why?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
5
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Why?!
Why?!
Until one day … when i decided that i need to stop doing that
and practicing the process of self therapy … i started to be more honest in front of myself.
Cause … I was simple … wasting my life … pretending … and i really had to redefine myself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
6
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Pretending … my stupid way of acting on the scene of life, but watching the dance of wind in the middle of the nature … i suddenly realized the need of change
I was following Manuela on social media by already a long time … but i could not understand her.
She was always posting images and movies done in such an artistic way ….in the middle of nature.
I liked her posts … but i could not see the message behind the nature.
And still … somehow i felt that Manuela was whispering me something.
One day … being on a hill, close to the park i usually go to walk … i looked at the grass, but also … at the flowers. The wind … created the scene of an amazing dance … Yes …. the flowers were … dancing … and no one was pretending.
Suddenly i heard the alarm of my phone, which was letting me know about some things i had to do.
I smiled … realizing i had to pretend again and again … to do things i totally disliked to do.
I had to do them … and i … i had to pretend i was doing them well.
But i look again at the dance of the grass and the flowers and realized one more time that … it was a real show … of joy.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
7
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The nature was not pretending.
I was such an idiot … wasting my life in such an illusory way
not understanding at all the message my dear Manuela was telling me about by such o long, long time.
Yes … i had to stop pretending.
I had to stop doing … all those non sense things … that stupid to do list … and start living and enjoying my life.
And watching the show offered by the nature … it was all like a lesson about how i could obtain … my spiritual awakening. But … same as usual … soon after, like many, many other times … even if i understood theory … i continued being ignorant.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
8
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
It’s a new day … maybe a new chance to start living and enjoying our lives
I woke up.
Prepared my coffee.
Choosed few books … pretending that i will start reading again ….how i use to read in the past.
But analyzing all what i was doing … i started to laugh.
I was just pretending i started the day, doing different things.
I write to Paul … “It’s a new day … i’ve wake up again” ….
and he replies … “it’s a miracle”.
Might sound as a cliche … but if you would read the statistical datas … you would find out that more than one million people die everyday.
They simple don’t wake up anymore ….
Not 100 or 1000 … but on million people.
But … same as many … i ignore that information. Probably … the only good thing i am doing is that i stay on my sofa and i continue my self therapy … writing all my thoughts and feelings.
It’s a very long process … but it’s good i continued to do it. Hmmm … i see myself writing … “I see how i miss the chance of living and enjoying life.”
I hate i have to deal with this concept about myself … The real truth is that i was just … pretending that i was starting the day.
I write my thoughts and feelings … but … even the self
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
9
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
therapy itself is about … pretending …
I actually write books, pretending i am trying to heal my soul
analyzing and defining … everything. I am a liar.
Such a big one …
Maybe i don’t know to understand the present moment …. and connect to it.
I’ve been taught to simple …. simulate …. and pretend. 100% my self therapy was not doing … well.
But i still live with the hope that one day … i will start living and enjoying life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
10
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Truth be told we live in an era of personal marketing … and everyone around is prince or … princess.
But … can’t see the paupers anymore …
I look around myself and i see so, so many people living in the … illusion of the self.
I see them investing so much time and energy … pretending that they are someone that they will probably … never be. Seeing the illusion … i simple smile.
They told themselves so, so many times that they are so precious… that they started to believe so much in their … royal blood.
And again i smile … analyzing this era of personal marketing when everyone is so damn … important.
Too bad that they don’t know about this concept that i write so much about … the illusion …
But … pretending so much, they go so, so deep on the path of the illusion of the self.
I see them dreaming … that they are princes and princesses … but i just can’t see any real prince or princesses?!
I only see … paupers … begging to be defined by the mouth of the world as … amazing human beings.
It’s so damn funny watching them … but they laugh hearing my words.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
11
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
They think … i am crazy … but maybe i am not … Watching them … how they continue begging for attention, trying one million tricks that could define them as having a special status … it’s so damn illusory.
But there is nothing to do … but watch how they are investing so much time and energy … pretending.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
12
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
What we do in with our lives
when we have a very clear dharmic role and we don’t really like that?!
Should we just pretend?!
The notion of dharma as duty or propriety is found in India's ancient legal and religious texts. Common examples of such use are pitri dharma (meaning a person's duty as a father), putra dharma (a person's duty as a son), raj dharma (a person's duty as a king) and so forth.
And i’m sure that you met lots of fathers and even mothers that did not liked having this role … but the funny thing is that in the history of the human kind we even have kings that did not liked being in that role.
But the question is what can you do in such a position?!
Well … there’s mothers and fathers that left their children and i know even about kings that resigned … just to marry with the love of their lives.
Indeed these are rare cases … but still … there are enough like that … so we can talk about it.
Analyzing 1000 examples of situations when we just need to do it even if we don’t like it … like doing the job that is not so well paid, helping the brother that is an idiot … but still is your brother and … etc etc ….we can think of a “cocktail”
between what we have to do and practicing the art of pretending.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
13
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
Most probably knowing how to mix properly all of the elements of life is … an art. Pretending helps to … act better.
But … should we accept the fact that in life we need to pretend also?!
Is it benefit to … pretend?! Damn it … it helps … yes … but …
Continuing analyzing my perceptions …. I smile … seeing the
contradictions between all of that.
And of course you can see that in my writings … saying in the same time … that something is good … but also not good. But in the end i realize that i should also write a book about … the art of pretending …
Seeing the dharmic side of life … understanding that there are things that we do cause we wish to do them … but also need to accept the fact that we also need to do certain things that are related with our mission into this world … even if you are just the father of a little baby … or the king of the world … is quite important.
I know … and i understand the meaning of that weird feeling that … pretending is a way of wasting our lives … but … Maybe keeping the right balance in life between the things we love to do and the things we have to do is probably the most important idea that we should have in mind. So … it’s all related with the art of pretending …
I know … i am contradictory in my writings …. again and
again and again.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
14
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Not liking how we really look like … we pretend we are differently.
But why?!
I see so many beautiful girls in social media … that i even start to believe that there is an inflation of gorgeous ladies … everywhere in the world.
Very nice arranged … looking like the stars from Hollywood. But the problem is that when i walk on the streets … i actually see just … ordinary women. Nothing special …
So … my question is why do i see this difference between real life and … social media?!
What is going on in the internet?!
Is it just about … marketing?!
Somehow … personal marketing?!
Well … i know few things about internet … and i know that most of the things that we see …are not what they look like
and it’s funny cause someone told me recently that so, so many persons are using face apps for looking better in photos …. and then post them in social media.
It’s almost like … a trend.
And i still wonder myself … why?! Why are those persons … pretending?!
… pretending to be someone that they are not … inducing the illusory belief that they actually look like princesses …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
15
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I smile … seeing that pretending … became kind of an art …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
16
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Synchronizing … an art
Look at 2 people that are dancing.
Analyze their connection.
Define the interaction ….
define every detail … and then ask yourself … what would you do if you’d be one of the characters from that scene?! Would you act better?!
Would you be a greater dancer?!
But the real question is … how did you act last time when you’ve been in such a scene?!
Did you synchronized nice with the partner?! Did you felt the music?!
Did you enjoyed it?!
Hmm … or you did not even heared the music … not really caring about the partner?!
When i usually start to ask questions … i almost can’t stop going deeper and deeper.
I somehow became good at theory … but don’t even know to dance … so …
Or maybe … not even had the chance to meet that perfect partner to teach me the art of dancing.
The only dance i practice … i do with my dear Arij … all being a philosophical dance … synchronizing our ideas and thoughts… always converging into the same direction … the one of defining the illusion of life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
17
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
And …. what is amazing is that i never pretend when i
synchronize with her.
We connect … being always on the same frequency …. and
continue our philosophical dance again and again and again. But you see … Arij is on the other side of the world …. and maybe we will never meet for real.
Why i never find someone in the real life for a real dance?!
Maybe because i don’t know to dance?!
Or maybe … because … i don’t know to synchronize with other people in the real world?!
Maybe if i’ll try to pretend a little bit that i am connected ….
things would be better?!
So … pretending… helps?!
Hmm … i don’t want to pretend anymore …
Something whispers into my mind that i simple need to learn the art of … synchronizing … and then everything will run on the … perfect mode.
philosophical essays
PRETENDING
... a way of wasting our lives
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
1
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
ADRIAN GABRIEL DUMITRU
PRETENDING … a way of wasting our lives
philosophical essays
Year: 2023
Author: Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
2
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
To all of the ones that dare to analyze their lives ... a little bit deeper
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
3
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I lost too many things in life … just cause … on the scene of the real life … i don’t really say what i think … feel … or say.It’s like … i pretend.
But inside myself … i live with the hope and the expectation as … all my feelings … hidden under a weird silly mask … to be revealed by the connection.
maybe sometimes it’s too late … even if … it is said thar real connections are eternal
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
4
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
All my writings are kind of a … self therapy
And i was writing on and on and on …. defining my feelings
and thoughts …
But it was a little bit funny realizing the contradiction between what i thought, what i felt deep inside of my soul … and how i was acting on the stage of life.
analyzing and defining myself … the one that i thought i was … deep into my soul … and the one from the outside world … i was realizing it’s such a huge difference.
And still … i was trying to be better … but all i was doing was
pretending … on and on and on.
But why?!
Why … this huge different between my inner self and the one from the stage of life?!
I knew the theory … and knew all i had to do … and i was really pretending … i was doing the right thing, but …
Well …. most probably my real problem … which was a huge
one …. was probably that i was disconnected from my inner
self.
I knew about that self.
I knew it exists … and i had to be one with it … and even if i was pretending i was doing the right thing … it was all a lie. I was lying myself … pretending … on and on and on … Why?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
5
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Why?!
Why?!
Until one day … when i decided that i need to stop doing that
and practicing the process of self therapy … i started to be more honest in front of myself.
Cause … I was simple … wasting my life … pretending … and i really had to redefine myself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
6
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Pretending … my stupid way of acting on the scene of life, but watching the dance of wind in the middle of the nature … i suddenly realized the need of change
I was following Manuela on social media by already a long time … but i could not understand her.
She was always posting images and movies done in such an artistic way ….in the middle of nature.
I liked her posts … but i could not see the message behind the nature.
And still … somehow i felt that Manuela was whispering me something.
One day … being on a hill, close to the park i usually go to walk … i looked at the grass, but also … at the flowers. The wind … created the scene of an amazing dance … Yes …. the flowers were … dancing … and no one was pretending.
Suddenly i heard the alarm of my phone, which was letting me know about some things i had to do.
I smiled … realizing i had to pretend again and again … to do things i totally disliked to do.
I had to do them … and i … i had to pretend i was doing them well.
But i look again at the dance of the grass and the flowers and realized one more time that … it was a real show … of joy.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
7
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The nature was not pretending.
I was such an idiot … wasting my life in such an illusory way
not understanding at all the message my dear Manuela was telling me about by such o long, long time.
Yes … i had to stop pretending.
I had to stop doing … all those non sense things … that stupid to do list … and start living and enjoying my life.
And watching the show offered by the nature … it was all like a lesson about how i could obtain … my spiritual awakening. But … same as usual … soon after, like many, many other times … even if i understood theory … i continued being ignorant.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
8
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
It’s a new day … maybe a new chance to start living and enjoying our lives
I woke up.
Prepared my coffee.
Choosed few books … pretending that i will start reading again ….how i use to read in the past.
But analyzing all what i was doing … i started to laugh.
I was just pretending i started the day, doing different things.
I write to Paul … “It’s a new day … i’ve wake up again” ….
and he replies … “it’s a miracle”.
Might sound as a cliche … but if you would read the statistical datas … you would find out that more than one million people die everyday.
They simple don’t wake up anymore ….
Not 100 or 1000 … but on million people.
But … same as many … i ignore that information. Probably … the only good thing i am doing is that i stay on my sofa and i continue my self therapy … writing all my thoughts and feelings.
It’s a very long process … but it’s good i continued to do it. Hmmm … i see myself writing … “I see how i miss the chance of living and enjoying life.”
I hate i have to deal with this concept about myself … The real truth is that i was just … pretending that i was starting the day.
I write my thoughts and feelings … but … even the self
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
9
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
therapy itself is about … pretending …
I actually write books, pretending i am trying to heal my soul
analyzing and defining … everything. I am a liar.
Such a big one …
Maybe i don’t know to understand the present moment …. and connect to it.
I’ve been taught to simple …. simulate …. and pretend. 100% my self therapy was not doing … well.
But i still live with the hope that one day … i will start living and enjoying life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
10
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Truth be told we live in an era of personal marketing … and everyone around is prince or … princess.
But … can’t see the paupers anymore …
I look around myself and i see so, so many people living in the … illusion of the self.
I see them investing so much time and energy … pretending that they are someone that they will probably … never be. Seeing the illusion … i simple smile.
They told themselves so, so many times that they are so precious… that they started to believe so much in their … royal blood.
And again i smile … analyzing this era of personal marketing when everyone is so damn … important.
Too bad that they don’t know about this concept that i write so much about … the illusion …
But … pretending so much, they go so, so deep on the path of the illusion of the self.
I see them dreaming … that they are princes and princesses … but i just can’t see any real prince or princesses?!
I only see … paupers … begging to be defined by the mouth of the world as … amazing human beings.
It’s so damn funny watching them … but they laugh hearing my words.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
11
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
They think … i am crazy … but maybe i am not … Watching them … how they continue begging for attention, trying one million tricks that could define them as having a special status … it’s so damn illusory.
But there is nothing to do … but watch how they are investing so much time and energy … pretending.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
12
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
What we do in with our lives
when we have a very clear dharmic role and we don’t really like that?!
Should we just pretend?!
The notion of dharma as duty or propriety is found in India's ancient legal and religious texts. Common examples of such use are pitri dharma (meaning a person's duty as a father), putra dharma (a person's duty as a son), raj dharma (a person's duty as a king) and so forth.
And i’m sure that you met lots of fathers and even mothers that did not liked having this role … but the funny thing is that in the history of the human kind we even have kings that did not liked being in that role.
But the question is what can you do in such a position?!
Well … there’s mothers and fathers that left their children and i know even about kings that resigned … just to marry with the love of their lives.
Indeed these are rare cases … but still … there are enough like that … so we can talk about it.
Analyzing 1000 examples of situations when we just need to do it even if we don’t like it … like doing the job that is not so well paid, helping the brother that is an idiot … but still is your brother and … etc etc ….we can think of a “cocktail”
between what we have to do and practicing the art of pretending.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
13
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
Most probably knowing how to mix properly all of the elements of life is … an art. Pretending helps to … act better.
But … should we accept the fact that in life we need to pretend also?!
Is it benefit to … pretend?! Damn it … it helps … yes … but …
Continuing analyzing my perceptions …. I smile … seeing the
contradictions between all of that.
And of course you can see that in my writings … saying in the same time … that something is good … but also not good. But in the end i realize that i should also write a book about … the art of pretending …
Seeing the dharmic side of life … understanding that there are things that we do cause we wish to do them … but also need to accept the fact that we also need to do certain things that are related with our mission into this world … even if you are just the father of a little baby … or the king of the world … is quite important.
I know … and i understand the meaning of that weird feeling that … pretending is a way of wasting our lives … but … Maybe keeping the right balance in life between the things we love to do and the things we have to do is probably the most important idea that we should have in mind. So … it’s all related with the art of pretending …
I know … i am contradictory in my writings …. again and
again and again.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
14
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Not liking how we really look like … we pretend we are differently.
But why?!
I see so many beautiful girls in social media … that i even start to believe that there is an inflation of gorgeous ladies … everywhere in the world.
Very nice arranged … looking like the stars from Hollywood. But the problem is that when i walk on the streets … i actually see just … ordinary women. Nothing special …
So … my question is why do i see this difference between real life and … social media?!
What is going on in the internet?!
Is it just about … marketing?!
Somehow … personal marketing?!
Well … i know few things about internet … and i know that most of the things that we see …are not what they look like
and it’s funny cause someone told me recently that so, so many persons are using face apps for looking better in photos …. and then post them in social media.
It’s almost like … a trend.
And i still wonder myself … why?! Why are those persons … pretending?!
… pretending to be someone that they are not … inducing the illusory belief that they actually look like princesses …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
15
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I smile … seeing that pretending … became kind of an art …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
16
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Synchronizing … an art
Look at 2 people that are dancing.
Analyze their connection.
Define the interaction ….
define every detail … and then ask yourself … what would you do if you’d be one of the characters from that scene?! Would you act better?!
Would you be a greater dancer?!
But the real question is … how did you act last time when you’ve been in such a scene?!
Did you synchronized nice with the partner?! Did you felt the music?!
Did you enjoyed it?!
Hmm … or you did not even heared the music … not really caring about the partner?!
When i usually start to ask questions … i almost can’t stop going deeper and deeper.
I somehow became good at theory … but don’t even know to dance … so …
Or maybe … not even had the chance to meet that perfect partner to teach me the art of dancing.
The only dance i practice … i do with my dear Arij … all being a philosophical dance … synchronizing our ideas and thoughts… always converging into the same direction … the one of defining the illusion of life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
17
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
And …. what is amazing is that i never pretend when i
synchronize with her.
We connect … being always on the same frequency …. and
continue our philosophical dance again and again and again. But you see … Arij is on the other side of the world …. and maybe we will never meet for real.
Why i never find someone in the real life for a real dance?!
Maybe because i don’t know to dance?!
Or maybe … because … i don’t know to synchronize with other people in the real world?!
Maybe if i’ll try to pretend a little bit that i am connected ….
things would be better?!
So … pretending… helps?!
Hmm … i don’t want to pretend anymore …
Something whispers into my mind that i simple need to learn the art of … synchronizing … and then everything will run on the … perfect mode.
