Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
18
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Pretending …. a way
of exploring life?!
One of the greatest advantages of my own life is that God allowed me to see … and probably understand a huge spectrum of human beings.
Poor and rich people … but also the ones from medium class. People that God gave them wisdom, but also people that are prisoners of their illusory self.
But to be honest … i like all of them and i socialize with joy with anyone from the scene of my own life.
And i somehow realize that any of those souls … tells a story that helps me understand what life is.
For example i know John and Peter … 2 successful businessmen, that made lots of money in the last 20-25 years … but to define them more precisely in front of you i could say that John is the kind of person that played in national championship … and Peter … the one that played in Champions League.
But a thing difficult to be understood in their cases is that even if they have enough money to do whatever they would love to do … and enjoy for example life traveling around the world … they never go anywhere at all.
John is not liking his wife anymore … having lots of moments when he hates her … considering that going anywhere with his life … spending any penny at all … should be … useless.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
19
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
Peter’s case it’s a little bit different.
He dreams to go in those amazing trips … that we see in social media … but somehow he’s still looking for a hollywoodian star girl … that is delaying to appear in his life. And guess what?!
Neither of them …. bother to invest any penny at all … for
enjoying life in any trip.
They are not in the actual standard of happiness that … you need to be successful, have money, properties and all other kinds of material goods … and also travel all the time around the world.
But last few months i see my unhappy rich friend … John … a little bit changed.
He started to go … in different vacations with his annoying wife.
Being stingy … but still realizing it … he started to make a change … trying to treat his unhappiness.
Somehow he copied the model of happiness which he sees in social media … but on a smaller scale.
And you might even think that he became a familist.
But no ….
I see him …. pretending and in the same time trying to
explore those scenarios of happy family.
But his profound unhappiness …. which anyone could see on
his face … still betrays him.
John was ….
Trying …
Hoping ….
Exploring …
And …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
20
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
He actually could not connect to this script …
John followed the process … step by step … and nothing.
It was like he was following a … pathless path.
Sounded as a … nonsense.
Exploring the concept of happiness with his family … non being able to connect to such a scenario … John remained unhappy.
The experiment … failed.
It was a little bit funny seeing him still pretending … trying … hoping and exploring a path … that was so obvious it was useless to follow.
Useless … cause without real connection … all it’s useless.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
21
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
There are chaotic moments in life when we should stop pretending that we act on the scene of life.
Simple breath … relax … and enjoy the show as a spectator…. from distance.
I was with my wife and kids … going to an island to Greece. I was paying the ticket for the ferry boat … and suddenly a lady from a group with friends calls me … with video camera. Said to myself … “this is an accident 100%.
why the hell should she call me with video camera?!” Then another lady called me with video camera … and i realized something is wrong.
As far as i knew them … they would not make this kind of joke.
Then … everybody started to call me …
I had a fire at one of my houses, and those ladies … not being from my country … they did not know what number they should call authorities.
I call the chief of police … and he assures me that he will make all arrangements as the firemen to be there in time. Everyone continued to call, sms or …. whatsapp me ….
I was maybe 1000 miles away from my home and had to decide in a moment if we come back … or … continue the road and go with the ferry.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
22
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
The ferry was leaving in 1-2 minutes …..
But what the hell could i do from 1000 miles away?!
I jump on the ferry … or get back home?!
What the fuck … could i do?!
So … ?!
But deep inside me … i felt silence.
I knew that it’s bad … but … it will end ok.
It was the second fire i had at one of my houses … so … why should i be and act as a desperate?!
What could i change from 1000 miles away?!
But why the Universe wanted me to be away?!
cause most of the time … i was there. So … was a lesson for me?!
Or for someone else?!
I decide in the last second to jump on the ferry and continue my journey.
I was really sad … but not even bothered to call people back
to ask what the hell happened.
Somehow i knew … that first of all … everyone will be ok, which is probably … the most important thing from the whole story.
I call Paul … and ask him to go there and see what it’s really going on.
2 hours later … he calls me … giving me all the details …. and
understand through his words maybe better than through my eyes.
Firemen stops the fire …. and except the fact that the house
looked like a bombed house … everyone calmed down.
I could go back with the ferry … but i decide to sleep on the island … and get home the next day.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
23
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
What could i do?!
Could my presence stop anything?!
Would i change anything right away .. if i would be there?! Maybe it was a simple decision to stop acting as a desperate … and pretend i was doing something …
Maybe … i had to learn letting the powerful energy of karmic chaotic moments to …. just … happen … no matter if i liked it or no.
The next day i wake up at 5 and decide to leave … but the
ferry was not coming.
So?!
Maybe i had to stay away from the energy of that place?! Hmm…
The ferry arrives … i go on the highway … but i go in the wrong direction… and arrive in another city near the sea, instead of arriving at the border. Damn it …
Something did not let me … go back …
So … i go at the sea … and decide to simple … admire it. What could i do … in front of this … something … that looked infinite.
Yes … maybe connect with the moment …. and enjoy it.
And for a moment … i succeed to relax and feel the tremendous power of … mother nature.
I realize how idiot i could be … working for so many, many years … building houses to rent them … living with the illusion that one day … i could go on the sea … and relax without worry of anything.
Well … the Universe was laughing behind my back, cause it was not like in my projections …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
24
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
A total nonsense…
I was wasting 20 years … building something that i believed that could give me financial independence …. and i could stay and enjoy the sea … relaxed.
But ….
Hmm …. How could i be so idiot?!
Damn it …
I could enjoy the sea … without any money into my pocket … The so called financial independence … came to me with one million problems …
I was indeed an idiot …. like many, many others …. but the
Universe started to teach some very difficult powerful karmic lessons.
And i was in …. shit.
So … what the hell could i do to save my ass?!
Well … maybe … nothing … but just to relax and disconnect from all the energies that dominated my actual scene of life. Disconnect …. and start a new life. One … with another values …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
25
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Sex … is kind of a therapy
that it’s teaching us the art of enjoying the present moment.
Truth be told … sex is totally related with this weird concept
difficult to be defined properly … and named pleasure. But i had many moments when i’ve asked myself why the hell i heard at very wise persons … that the sex itself can be the key for restarting our lives?
And i’ve asked this question again and again and again …. but still … i could not understand.
So …. why …. that could be defined as a … therapy?! What is the secret behind that?!
Should we focus on it?!
How sex could really help us restart our lives?!
Maybe it’s all related with the fact … that for a short moment we stop pretending that we are connected with the present moment … and really be connected?!
Maybe indeed it’s a lesson … against the stupid habit of pretending that … we are alive?!
And practicing that … we understand the need of change.
maybe in all the areas of life.
And the pleasure … will be the one of connecting to absolutely any moment of life …. no matter what that means. We ll finally realize that pretending is … useless.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
26
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
Instead of that … with the soul healed … life will become … different.
And maybe the pleasure …. eternal.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
27
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I am kind of a street artist … pretending i’m a writer … but i am more a therapist. … probably my own therapist
I started lately to analyze a lot … the street artists.
I see a real connection between me and … all of them.
But comparing to them … i hide myself behind a mask …. not
letting anyone know … who i really am.
I go every week .. again and again into the city center … to meet those street artists.
I analyze them all, but i am afraid to define any of them into a certain way … cause i know i would define myself.
So .. i continue pretending i am a writer … same as a street artist is pretending is a singer … but … Recently … i started to feel more … a therapist.
My own therapist … that is trying to heal my soul … on and on and on.
So … am i wasting my life … pretending i am a writer?!
Or am i wasting my life … trying to heal a soul that has no
more chances to be healed?!
Well … i continue … writing …
Analyzing …
Defining …
But …. never really being able to redefine anything …
regarding myself …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
28
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Sometimes is probably more about readapting to different scenarios than about …. pretending
I had the chance to see in life people that have the ability to readapt themselves on any kind of scenario.
Children having poor parents …. that were playing with the
small stones from the road … young couples that did not had money to go in expensive vacations … but were feeling amazing while walking into the park … or people that lost all they had … but were smiling all the time … explaining to everyone that God knows better why they live such a scenario.
So i wondered myself … why the hell that small child playing with the little stones is more happier than the a kid that has all the toys in the world?!
Why this young couple … so in love of each other … is so happy together while walking on the alleys of at small park … and all my rich friends that go in vacations of thousands of dollars … can’t have that type of happiness?!
Why that lady that i met half a year ago … that lost all she had in Mariopol … because of the russian bombs … could still have the power to smile … explaining me that she is happy cause she realized that her greatest fortune is her soul and her family?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
29
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
I have tens of houses … and i can’t even pretend for a second that i can have a smile like … Marina had.
So … why this people have such a great talent of enjoying life
in any circumstances?!
Do they pretend?!
Or they simple readapted in any kind of scenario was offered to them … without complaining?! Could anyone do that?!
But how could all of us act like that?! They say … fake it till you make it … but …
Could we start pretending first and then realize that we can readapt to any scenario of life?
Maybe all those people i write about now … which are kind of motivational characters on the stage of my life … are sending me a message.
A message that i understand … but still can’t do anything to implement into my life.
Same … as many … many others.
We probably simple can’t understand the meaning of … readapting …
And pretending looks so … so … stupid.
Which is true … and false … into the same time.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
30
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
In life … it’s all about what we see.
the beautiful … or the dark side. And this is what we actually manifest …
into reality.
It happens i know a real estate investor … that knows much more like me about philosophy, personal growth and spirituality.
Talking to him …. I even start to wonder why the hell i dare
to write books when i don’t even know half of the things this guy knows.
Same as me … he builds houses and then … rent them. But the huge difference between me and him is that he visualize all that involve … the whole story of renting.
Last residential complex he built …. he visualized the
alignment of each building, the swimming pool, the bar … the … everything.
He was even talking to me about how people will walk on the alleys … or stay and drink the coffee together.
So … i started to ask myself … why the hell this guy cares … while building … about the way people will drink their coffee together?!
Well … i knew he loves to drink coffee … but why the hell he
cares about such details?!
Is he pretending?!
Is it just marketing all what he is talking about?!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
31
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
Well .. guess what?!
He finish the buildings … people rent the houses … and ….
even if everything looked great … all the time when i was coming to visit his complex … it all looked like an abandoned place.
I saw cars there … and knew he was not lying to me … telling that all the houses were rented.
Not only that there was no one drinking coffee at the terrace …. but i could not see any people at all.
