and it was so dam obvious.
One day … years later … not being able to get her out of his mind … he finally wrote her ….
“I lost too many things in life … just cause … on the scene of the real life … i don’t really say what i think … feel … or say. It’s like … i pretend.
But inside myself … i live with the hope and the expectation
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
120
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
as … all my feelings … hidden under a weird silly mask … to be revealed by the connection.
maybe sometimes it’s too late … even if … it is said thar real connections are eternal.”
Few days later … Olivia replied:
“I understand you. We often don't say what we think. Probably, if people were not ashamed of their feelings and did not hide them, then there would be more happy people in the world. But we are afraid that they will not understand us, they will push us away.
We are afraid to find ourselves in an awkward situation, or we are waiting for the right moment, which may not come again.
What you have lost will definitely come back to you, just perhaps in a different guise. You are a purposeful person and at the same time kind and sympathetic. Many are grateful to you for this, and so am I.”
And meditating again and again … he wrote her back … “You replied into the same style as i wrote.
i hoped that … but was not expecting it to happen. And i smile.
We missed the chance of defining the truth …. but usually the truth is always revealed by time … anyway.
Or maybe …. there is no truth at all into this world … all being so relative.
The only thing left …. for all the characters doing that … is kind of a dance … a philosophical one.
And we continue living in 2 parallel universes … the one from
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
121
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
the real life … and the one from our souls.” The dialogue itself … was infinite.
I was reading all … he sent to me … and i could not believe it.
Those 2 people … liked each other … a lot.
But never said it.
Their eyes … betrayed them …. each time when they saw
each other … until one day … when she had to move … 2000 miles away by him.
She convinced her husband to leave Minneapolis … cause she could not stop herself … doing something that she thought she might regret later.
She had 2 daughters … and married by already 10 years. Could not abandon them … just because her soul was dominated by a forbidden love story.
It was kind of an emotional dance of contradictory emotions.
She had to pretend …. It’s not true.
And he was doing the same.
It was a love story … revealed just the invisible connection
between their souls.
She was afraid …
And him …. also …
Even if it was so damn obvious … they never stoped pretending ….
I’ve been reading about 3-4 times their dialogues … and i even wanted to suggest him … at least to write a book … about their love story from a parallel universe.
Indeed … we miss so …. so many chances in life … like those
2 people i wrote about … but … maybe some things needs to happen for real … just into a future life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
122
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
For this life time … we only pretend … we don’t see the truth … the one from our inner souls.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
123
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The masks we carry … reveal many times … a profound … unhappiness … no matter how much we should pretend it’s not true.
I see lots of unhappy people … everywhere.
Some are revealing this weird disease … so often … that we could almost say that this Universe …. It’s an Universe of unhappiness.
And the most weird fact is that i see people having everything this life could offer to them … but still …. they are dominated by negative vibes.
It’s like … you see … a king … that has everything he ever desired … but he can’t … at least stop for a second …. to be … unhappy.
But … why the hell … someone that has everything this Universe can offer to a human being … could be unhappy?! Why unhappiness is the worst disease of our century?! And it’s even worst than cancer or any other incurable disease?!
Why we can’t be happy?!
And why not … we don’t know to be … even … always happy?!
Where this unhappiness comes from?!
Is it like a virus …. which we get from the others?!
And i look again around myself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
124
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
So … so many … unhappy people.
Or maybe this is what i see in the world.
…. just the unhappiness.
Or probably it’s … my reflection.
we just suffer of a stupid disability to connect to … positive vibes.
Or … even worst.
Being afraid to get hurt … at the end of our happy moments from life … we end up deciding to be unhappy … cause no matter how happy life could be in one moment … it always ends up with unhappiness.
The fear of losing the happiness … of being hurt on and on and on …. makes us decide carry the mask of an eternal … negative vibe.
But most certainly …. no one told us … to defeat the state of unhappiness … with …
And we keep seeing … ugly faces … like mine … everywhere around …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
125
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Most probably … i would have love you … into such a crazy way …. that you would
have moments of asking yourself … if this story is based on a hollywoodian love story scenario?!
But your are not only … mine. So …. I’ll continue my life … without
you …. pretending … i even hate all
related with your being.
I used to write love essays … years ago.
In fact … i’ve wrote about 10 books about … love.
But if i should be honest enough … and you would ask me … what love is about … i might not be able to define it.
And i start to wonder myself if i am an idiot … or i am just pretending.
Today … i am not interested about the subject anymore … and i even avoid talking about the subject.
But … the Universe … laughing behind my back … is sending all the time someone to talk to me again and again and again
about this annoying concept …. called … love. And yesterday i met Emma again.
She was so … so … disappointed.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
126
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
You see … Emma … and i already know her by more than 15 years … was always dreaming of an love story … like in the novels she was reading when she was a … teenager. And … recently she met that guy … from her dreams.
But the funny thing … was that … even if he liked her too … Liam liked other ladies also.
He was not even pretending to hide that from her.
She disliked that …. a lot …. but she could not stop herself to
adore the guy.
I’ve chat with her … for 3- 4 hours … and her final decision was to … start pretending that she … hates him.
I’ve started to laugh and asked … “Why the hell most of the love stories end with hating the loved person?! I just can’t get it!”
So … why we need to pretend that love had been metamorphosed into … hate? Hmm …
I was looking at Emma … and i somehow realized i could not understand her.
But suddenly … i realized … it was not about her … but about me.
In fact … i could not understand myself … why the hell after writing 10 books of love essays … i started to pretend that i was … hating the subject.
I was certainly … ridiculous.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
127
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Smile in front of anything happens.
No matter what it should be.
And if you can’t … just pretend a little bit.
You’ll annoy them … a lot.
Recently someone made me a complaint to the local authorities where i have most of my businesses.
And truth be told … no matter how much i should pretend … the guy was right.
But the funny thing was that the guy was a neighbor … which i actually helped for a while …. with few things … for his businesses.
And even much funnier it was that all the time when we were meeting … he was very respectful.
He was pretending … so damn good … that anyone should believe him.
But finding out all what it was going on … behind my back … i finally decided … probably for the first time in my life …. to simple … smile.
Instead of getting angry … and be annoyed for many days in a row … i decided to whatsapp him saying … “Thank you ? ???” … but written in russian.
…. just to make some … fun.
Of course i could decide to write him in japanase … which i will probably do at his next compliant. He will not understand my irony anyway.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
128
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
And … honestly speaking … what could i do in front of a person that i helped … that is pretending so friendly in front of me … but behind my back was doing … lots of stupid things against me.
Why should i even bother to get angry in front of such a person?!
Being ironic …. was actually kind of a protest.
Certainly … a very naive one.
So … should we bother to keep interacting with such persons
or simple disconnect of them?!
and maybe ignore the fact that they exist?!
Shouldn’t we pay them back …. for what they did against us?
Most probably … should be a waste of time.
Well … today i believe … that at the right time ….all it will be
arranged by itself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
129
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Not finding the courage of remaining connected to the inner self … we end up pretending more and more and more. And one day we see ourselves … lost … totally disconnected … and following paths which we never wanted to follow.
I saw lots of … lost souls … into my life.
And i am personally a lost soul too.
Analyzing myself …. day by day …. sometimes even in real
time, when i was on the scene of the real life … I realized that it’s all related with a stupid inner fear that makes us act into a contradictory way …. than the real way we should have follow.
As a protection of hiding that truth … pretending … on and on and on … becomes a way of living.
Or maybe i should say … a way of wasting our lives.
I continue seeing this pattern at me, but also at most the people around myself.
It’s like a dogma … repeated by everybody.
But time is passing.
Weeks … then months … then years.
… nothing improves.
I wrote the book “Pretending … a way of wasting our lives” …. keeping in mind that i define myself and all the people i
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
130
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
observe on the scene of my life.
Yes … I just hate seeing …. how we pretend.
And … I say it load.
I say it … annoyed … seeing that in reality we can’t stop … pretending.
We can’t become one with the one that we feel deep inside ourselves.
We just … can’t …
Or we pretend that tomorrow will be different.
But no …
That tomorrow … never comes.
Pretending it’s a … way of living … and also of wasting our lives.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
131
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The END
The book “Pretending … a way of wasting our lives” …. It’s
more a collection of thoughts.
As in all my books …. I analyze the nonsense of my existence
… but am also looking for a cure.
I wrote it … exploring into my mind … all the opportunities i wasted over the years … because i could not find the courage to be …. Me … the one i always dreamed to be. I was just pretending … i am a human being.
Pretending … and nothing more.
Instead of being … and remaining forever connected to my real self … which was hidden so well in my inner world. Today … after analyzing myself … as a human … accepting the spiritual level where i am now … i am just conscious of what is going on with me.
No real change … but …. I still see … deep inside my soul …
the hope that tomorrow … will be different.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
132
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Just be who you are …. no matter
who this weird version of you ….
would come to surface. And STOP pretending!
Remain connected to your inner self … and always allow yourself to follow your intuition.
That’s the gateway to
…. the Infinite!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
133
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
134
One day … years later … not being able to get her out of his mind … he finally wrote her ….
“I lost too many things in life … just cause … on the scene of the real life … i don’t really say what i think … feel … or say. It’s like … i pretend.
But inside myself … i live with the hope and the expectation
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
120
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
as … all my feelings … hidden under a weird silly mask … to be revealed by the connection.
maybe sometimes it’s too late … even if … it is said thar real connections are eternal.”
Few days later … Olivia replied:
“I understand you. We often don't say what we think. Probably, if people were not ashamed of their feelings and did not hide them, then there would be more happy people in the world. But we are afraid that they will not understand us, they will push us away.
We are afraid to find ourselves in an awkward situation, or we are waiting for the right moment, which may not come again.
What you have lost will definitely come back to you, just perhaps in a different guise. You are a purposeful person and at the same time kind and sympathetic. Many are grateful to you for this, and so am I.”
And meditating again and again … he wrote her back … “You replied into the same style as i wrote.
i hoped that … but was not expecting it to happen. And i smile.
We missed the chance of defining the truth …. but usually the truth is always revealed by time … anyway.
Or maybe …. there is no truth at all into this world … all being so relative.
The only thing left …. for all the characters doing that … is kind of a dance … a philosophical one.
And we continue living in 2 parallel universes … the one from
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
121
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
the real life … and the one from our souls.” The dialogue itself … was infinite.
I was reading all … he sent to me … and i could not believe it.
Those 2 people … liked each other … a lot.
But never said it.
Their eyes … betrayed them …. each time when they saw
each other … until one day … when she had to move … 2000 miles away by him.
She convinced her husband to leave Minneapolis … cause she could not stop herself … doing something that she thought she might regret later.
She had 2 daughters … and married by already 10 years. Could not abandon them … just because her soul was dominated by a forbidden love story.
It was kind of an emotional dance of contradictory emotions.
She had to pretend …. It’s not true.
And he was doing the same.
It was a love story … revealed just the invisible connection
between their souls.
She was afraid …
And him …. also …
Even if it was so damn obvious … they never stoped pretending ….
I’ve been reading about 3-4 times their dialogues … and i even wanted to suggest him … at least to write a book … about their love story from a parallel universe.
Indeed … we miss so …. so many chances in life … like those
2 people i wrote about … but … maybe some things needs to happen for real … just into a future life.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
122
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
For this life time … we only pretend … we don’t see the truth … the one from our inner souls.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
123
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The masks we carry … reveal many times … a profound … unhappiness … no matter how much we should pretend it’s not true.
I see lots of unhappy people … everywhere.
Some are revealing this weird disease … so often … that we could almost say that this Universe …. It’s an Universe of unhappiness.
And the most weird fact is that i see people having everything this life could offer to them … but still …. they are dominated by negative vibes.
It’s like … you see … a king … that has everything he ever desired … but he can’t … at least stop for a second …. to be … unhappy.
But … why the hell … someone that has everything this Universe can offer to a human being … could be unhappy?! Why unhappiness is the worst disease of our century?! And it’s even worst than cancer or any other incurable disease?!
Why we can’t be happy?!
And why not … we don’t know to be … even … always happy?!
Where this unhappiness comes from?!
Is it like a virus …. which we get from the others?!
And i look again around myself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
124
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
So … so many … unhappy people.
Or maybe this is what i see in the world.
…. just the unhappiness.
Or probably it’s … my reflection.
we just suffer of a stupid disability to connect to … positive vibes.
Or … even worst.
Being afraid to get hurt … at the end of our happy moments from life … we end up deciding to be unhappy … cause no matter how happy life could be in one moment … it always ends up with unhappiness.
The fear of losing the happiness … of being hurt on and on and on …. makes us decide carry the mask of an eternal … negative vibe.
But most certainly …. no one told us … to defeat the state of unhappiness … with …
And we keep seeing … ugly faces … like mine … everywhere around …
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
125
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Most probably … i would have love you … into such a crazy way …. that you would
have moments of asking yourself … if this story is based on a hollywoodian love story scenario?!
But your are not only … mine. So …. I’ll continue my life … without
you …. pretending … i even hate all
related with your being.
I used to write love essays … years ago.
In fact … i’ve wrote about 10 books about … love.
But if i should be honest enough … and you would ask me … what love is about … i might not be able to define it.
And i start to wonder myself if i am an idiot … or i am just pretending.
Today … i am not interested about the subject anymore … and i even avoid talking about the subject.
But … the Universe … laughing behind my back … is sending all the time someone to talk to me again and again and again
about this annoying concept …. called … love. And yesterday i met Emma again.
She was so … so … disappointed.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
126
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
You see … Emma … and i already know her by more than 15 years … was always dreaming of an love story … like in the novels she was reading when she was a … teenager. And … recently she met that guy … from her dreams.
But the funny thing … was that … even if he liked her too … Liam liked other ladies also.
He was not even pretending to hide that from her.
She disliked that …. a lot …. but she could not stop herself to
adore the guy.
I’ve chat with her … for 3- 4 hours … and her final decision was to … start pretending that she … hates him.
I’ve started to laugh and asked … “Why the hell most of the love stories end with hating the loved person?! I just can’t get it!”
So … why we need to pretend that love had been metamorphosed into … hate? Hmm …
I was looking at Emma … and i somehow realized i could not understand her.
But suddenly … i realized … it was not about her … but about me.
In fact … i could not understand myself … why the hell after writing 10 books of love essays … i started to pretend that i was … hating the subject.
I was certainly … ridiculous.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
127
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Smile in front of anything happens.
No matter what it should be.
And if you can’t … just pretend a little bit.
You’ll annoy them … a lot.
Recently someone made me a complaint to the local authorities where i have most of my businesses.
And truth be told … no matter how much i should pretend … the guy was right.
But the funny thing was that the guy was a neighbor … which i actually helped for a while …. with few things … for his businesses.
And even much funnier it was that all the time when we were meeting … he was very respectful.
He was pretending … so damn good … that anyone should believe him.
But finding out all what it was going on … behind my back … i finally decided … probably for the first time in my life …. to simple … smile.
Instead of getting angry … and be annoyed for many days in a row … i decided to whatsapp him saying … “Thank you ? ???” … but written in russian.
…. just to make some … fun.
Of course i could decide to write him in japanase … which i will probably do at his next compliant. He will not understand my irony anyway.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
128
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
And … honestly speaking … what could i do in front of a person that i helped … that is pretending so friendly in front of me … but behind my back was doing … lots of stupid things against me.
Why should i even bother to get angry in front of such a person?!
Being ironic …. was actually kind of a protest.
Certainly … a very naive one.
So … should we bother to keep interacting with such persons
or simple disconnect of them?!
and maybe ignore the fact that they exist?!
Shouldn’t we pay them back …. for what they did against us?
Most probably … should be a waste of time.
Well … today i believe … that at the right time ….all it will be
arranged by itself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
129
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Not finding the courage of remaining connected to the inner self … we end up pretending more and more and more. And one day we see ourselves … lost … totally disconnected … and following paths which we never wanted to follow.
I saw lots of … lost souls … into my life.
And i am personally a lost soul too.
Analyzing myself …. day by day …. sometimes even in real
time, when i was on the scene of the real life … I realized that it’s all related with a stupid inner fear that makes us act into a contradictory way …. than the real way we should have follow.
As a protection of hiding that truth … pretending … on and on and on … becomes a way of living.
Or maybe i should say … a way of wasting our lives.
I continue seeing this pattern at me, but also at most the people around myself.
It’s like a dogma … repeated by everybody.
But time is passing.
Weeks … then months … then years.
… nothing improves.
I wrote the book “Pretending … a way of wasting our lives” …. keeping in mind that i define myself and all the people i
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
130
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES philosophical essays
observe on the scene of my life.
Yes … I just hate seeing …. how we pretend.
And … I say it load.
I say it … annoyed … seeing that in reality we can’t stop … pretending.
We can’t become one with the one that we feel deep inside ourselves.
We just … can’t …
Or we pretend that tomorrow will be different.
But no …
That tomorrow … never comes.
Pretending it’s a … way of living … and also of wasting our lives.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
131
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
The END
The book “Pretending … a way of wasting our lives” …. It’s
more a collection of thoughts.
As in all my books …. I analyze the nonsense of my existence
… but am also looking for a cure.
I wrote it … exploring into my mind … all the opportunities i wasted over the years … because i could not find the courage to be …. Me … the one i always dreamed to be. I was just pretending … i am a human being.
Pretending … and nothing more.
Instead of being … and remaining forever connected to my real self … which was hidden so well in my inner world. Today … after analyzing myself … as a human … accepting the spiritual level where i am now … i am just conscious of what is going on with me.
No real change … but …. I still see … deep inside my soul …
the hope that tomorrow … will be different.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
132
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Just be who you are …. no matter
who this weird version of you ….
would come to surface. And STOP pretending!
Remain connected to your inner self … and always allow yourself to follow your intuition.
That’s the gateway to
…. the Infinite!
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
133
PRETENDING … A WAY OF WASTING OUR LIVES
philosophical essays
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
134
