I see around myself … ordinary people … having a beautiful life, but also rich or successful people … unhappy all the time.
So … why this contradiction with personal growth?!
Why did they told us that being rich or successful… will bring us happiness?!
Is motivation a lie?!
Or maybe i should say … an illusion?!
I looked also at my life, analyzing every detail and … i could define all as …
Well … i don’t even find the proper word … but i was not in the right scenario, even if … i looked like a successful person. I felt all the time that … i have everything i ever wanted … but in fact … i had … nothing.
The concept that … life was an illusion … was dominating my mind.
Or maybe i just had the illusion … that i am part of an illusion.
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Maybe i had to redefine my thoughts and feelings … but i did not know what i could do.
Something was wrong with me … indeed and i had to do something about it.
Maybe … redefine my thoughts … and perceptions.
Or maybe simple …. connect to the present moment …. or at
least start to learn how to do it.
One day … staying at my home …. looking at the lake,
remembering about the thoughts of my friend from the other side of Europe … Manuela … regarding the power of connecting to the nature … i realized that … in fact … everything i need is in the present moment.
I just have to … at least …. ignore for a while … my blindness
… my philosophical and spiritual blindness.
And little by little … i began to have moments of being happy that i live in this world.
The depressive thought and feeling that something is wrong
lost part of its intensity.
the illusion that i am part of an illusion … was fading …. All i had to do was so damn simple … enjoy my life and connect better to the present moment.
and also metamorphose a little bit …. my perceptions.
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The Devil is not an illusion …. not a
negative character from the scene of life … but mainly … a teacher
I was writing on and on and on about the illusion of life … defining everything around myself … but not really making the connection with my own life.
I was seeing and understanding theory so damn clear … but … on the scene of the real life … i was acting like a fool.
I was scared, annoyed and had enough with my daily life … and it looked like nothing could be changed.
I had enemies … lots of enemies and i saw the Devil present of the scene of my reality all the time.
Sometimes … this illusory daemon was annoying me on and on and on … and sometimes it was tempting me with lots of issues … but i was too blind to see it.
Analyzing a lot all what was going on … believing that i am part of an illusion that is controlled by some very powerful forces … that are behind reality … i even started to think and speak like a religious person … using the term … Devil …. a lot.
In fact … whatever i disliked came from the part of daemon
…
I was indeed feeling that i am part of an illusion … or maybe my spiritual blindness was overwhelming me so much that even if i thought that i am in an awakening process … i was
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just living with the illusion that i was part of an illusion. This illusory character … called Devil … was not a negative character, but … just a teacher that was whispering me about … the illusion of life.
My mind was indeed dominated by the term … illusion … and i could not get rid of that.
Those so called daemons that i thought that were controlling
my reality … were so … annoying and they were everywhere.
I had moments … lots of them … when i thought that i lost
my mind … and i felt so profoundly this handicap of not being
able to change anything at all.
Meditated a lot.
Suffered also a lot because of those feelings and emotions induced by my illusory perceptions about … what life it. The Devil … and all those daemons around him were indeed dominating my life.
But … one day … a weird idea came into my mind … telling me that all i see it’s not negative or positive … but just a journey that could teach me …. what is life and our meaning in here.
I only had to change my perceptions regarding … the Devil. And indeed see it as a teacher and everything happens … just like a lesson of life.
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The gap between what we want and what we have it’s so … annoying … but maybe also illusory
I saw her somehow … in love with him.
You see … i had the chance to see both of them everyday … day by day.
I was always analyzing what is going on the scene of life … and i was doing with them … the same.
And i say ….that i saw her somehow in love, cause he was
probably … that ideal partner she had in mind by such a long time.
They spent almost the whole day, working in the same hotel. He was the manager and she took care of the coffee shop from the corner of the building.
Drinking my coffee into that place …. while writing … i kept
looking everyday about how they interact together.
I knew that she was almost divorced and he was maybe in the same situation, but did not wanted to divorce … so maybe it was a total nonsense that he did not wanted to have a relationship with her.
But Denis was acting so damn professional… pretending he was not seeing that Julia liked him.
She was a refugee from Kiev …and restarted her life in Bucharest … feeling that this city was much better than home.
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Away from that husband that was drinking so, so much … she started to want Denis more and more.
I could even say that i saw the obsession in her eyes … so, so clear.
It was funny realizing that the Universe was delivering me kind of a … movie …. that could inspire me to write everyday.
But you see … time was passing and i saw Julia more and more frustrated.
Her ideal partner … was so … so … blind.
And it was not that he was not liking her … but … i somehow believe that he found it too complicated to be with her.
But … that’s the romantic side of the story …. dominated so
much …. maybe by the nonsense.
The funny thing was that Julia lived close to my house … and sometimes i could see her in the night with another ladies from Ukraine in the company of some foreigners from Nepal. It looked like … every night they were together … and one old guy kept repeating me every few days that Julia and her friends were having sex with those guys from Nepal. So … it all became a … nonsense.
Julia liked Denis … and even more than liked him … but was having sex with the guys from Nepal.
That crazy old man that was repeating me the story about sex, every few days … made me realize how illusory was my perspectives from the coffee show ….analyzing and defining Denis and Julia.
Maybe it was all … true.
I was not judging Julia … but if the old man was right … i was wondering … why the hell we send so contradictory ideas to the Universe?!
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Feeling in love with someone … wanting him as an obsession, but … also … playing around with the guys from Nepal every night.
I started to not … understand her.
Or maybe … i did not wanted to understand … this nonsense that she was doing.
I wrote so much about love into the past … and now i write a lot about illusions and the nonsense …. and this is how Julia was doing.
So … the truth was that i was judging her.
Denis liked her too … but he was pretending he was blind ….
understanding and feeling the nonsense of the love story. So contradictory informations sent to the Universe …. and i did not knew what to believe anymore about this story.
Or maybe this gap between reality and what we want it’s so damn annoying … that we do need to act in ….contradictory ways … on the scene of life.
I smile realizing that i wanted to write about the love story between 2 souls … and i ended again writing about nonsense and … illusions.
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Disconnecting … the trick
that saves you in front of the illusory
I was on the beach.
Was working on my phone, chatting on whatsapp and discussing with 20 people in the same time … trying to solve one million problems.
I was wondering … why the hell did i came here at the seaside … when i had to complete so many things.
But … suddenly my mobile phone switch off because of low battery … and i started to be really annoyed. Why?!
What if the world will collapse if i am not connected anymore at my phone?!
What if something important will happen and i’ll not find out?!
What if it’s urgently need of me … and i cannot be reached?! After 5 minutes … i calmed down … and i smiled in front of the … illusory.
I looked at the sea … and that gave me an amazing calmness.
I started to laugh … realizing that all my problems and all those activities i am involved in are just …. illusory.
The phone was the gateway to all those annoying things … that were ruining … a life that actually could be beautiful.
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I stayed connected only to that … energy.
But without my mobile phone … i suddenly discovered the sea and its beauty, which was in front of me.
I started to disconnect of my life from home … and realized that life it’s not just businesses, problems and other annoying things.
My mind became … blank … and i started to feel great.
I try to think of a scenario with a life where i can keep the right balance in all the activities from my life. A life without so much … illusory.
The trick?!
Well … it was so damn simple.
I had to learn the art if disconnecting from time to time of the energies that gave me bad vibes.
Life was more than the things … i was doing everyday … but i did not realized it.
And now … looking at the sea … i wonder if it’s too late …
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Truth be told … we always chase for amazing experiences
In my perceptions that i have today … regarding the importance of understanding the meaning of illusory into our lives …. analyzing all the humans from the timeline of my life
including myself … i realized we are in a continuous chase for beautiful and why not … amazing experiences.
And i smile remembering that i wrote hundreds of essays explaining in such an illusory way that cheating is … a positive thing.
In fact i ….laugh today remembering about this perception i had into my past.
But you see … it was again about chasing … beautiful experiences … and we judge so profoundly this issue.
For example … yesterday … being into a restaurant near the sea … i realized how the owner of the place connected so damn well at the concept i write so much about … the illusion.
the illusion of life.
The funny thing is that I discovered the place almost accidentally and being in a hurry … the person i was with asked “why the hell should we spend in here one more hour, cause our home it’s so, so far away and we’ll arrive after midnight …. just to stay and drink a damn coffee that you could buy at the oil station and drink it while you drive.”
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I smiled and even if i wanted so much to drink a coffee into that place … i left.
But … tricky as i am always … i’ve connected to the vibe of that coffee shop … and felt for a second the energy from there.
I closed my eyes and imagined the experience of enjoying a coffee in there … and i realize that i chase for very, very simple things in life … but i wanted as those things to be …. amazing.
Looks so illusory … but these are my feelings from today.
I stoped judging the others … but also myself.
So … i entered into that coffee shop from the sea … i looked at it, connected to the place … and left … just because … Well … i was with someone that did not saw the fact that i would love to … taste … the experience of drinking a coffee in there.
She saw just … the damn coffee.
I wanted … an experience.
… an amazing one.
And i wonder myself … how many other times into my life i had the opportunity of enjoying life … and i missed it … just because someone told me … “what’s so special about it?!” … Unfortunately… it all remained a spoiled chance … of tasting for a short moment …. the life itself.
Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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The illusion of being part of an illusion … is so damn annoying
I don’t even bother to read the books i wrote.
Not even if someone would pay me … i won’t do it. Sounds weird … yeah?!
Well … at least … i’m honest enough.
I recently saw a statistic with the downloads of my books and realized that the book “Influencing and being influenced” is doing very well.
But too bad i can’t remember what it was about.
Should be funny if someone would ask me to talk about this
book … and i would look very funny … cause i have no idea
about that book.
But you know why?!
I already changed … most of my perceptions about anything … from the time when i wrote it.
And whatever i wrote …. has nothing to do with my
perceptions from the present moment.
So … the book is useless ….
Or maybe … not.
If we understand the concept of … illusion …. of being part of
it … but also the one of having the illusion of being part of an illusion … and accepting that our perceptions change sometimes a lot … we actually understand that there is no … absolute truth.
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And it’s useless to … chase for it.
But i continue my philosophical journey … never looking into my past.
Most probably … i changed.
I feel changed.
And had this weird feeling regarding my illusory philosophical past.
Everything becomes annoying ... not having any absolute values that i could follow.
I’d like to believe like a religious person in … absolute … but …
Well … i came into a point when i don’t believe in my ideas anymore … but still have the hope that my new philosophical perceptions will reveal me the real path i should follow in life and stop saying that … it’s all an illusion.
